David Dubrow

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      • The Blessed Man and the Witch
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A Small Collection of Conversations in the Car with My Three-Year-Old Son

July 28, 2014 by David Dubrow Leave a Comment

Son: I’m gonna eat you all up like a hot dog, Daddy.
Me: No!
Son: Put ketchup and mustard on you.
Me: No, no!
Son: Num num num I’m eating you up!
Me: Oh God no, stop!
Son: Num num num num!  Urp.  All gone!
Me: I guess that’s it, then.

~~~

Me: *peering out through the windshield at the rain* Nice day for the ducks, eh?
Son: Squirrels, too.
Me: Why the squirrels?
Son: They’re nice and warm in the tree.
Me: What about the turtles?
Son: No.

~~~

Me: Are you gonna get tattoos when you grow up?
Son: Daddy, please sit on…ahhh…please sit on, uh…please sit on…ahhhh…please sit on…sit on MY lap. Please sit on MY little lap.
Me: Your lap’s not big enough for me to sit on, buddy-roo.
Son: I have money in my pocket.
Me: Where did you get money? Can I have some?
Son: No.

~~~

Me: What did you have for your snack today?
Son: No me remember.
Me: Yes, you do!  It was an hour ago.  Can you tell me what you ate?  Was it cookies?
Son: Yes.  Cookies.
Me: You’re just saying that because I said it.  Did you really have cookies?
Son: Uh-huh.
Me: What kind of cookies?  Did they have cheese on them?
Son: Uh-huh.
Me: And peanut butter?
Son: Uh-huh.
Me: And beans?
Son: Uh-huh.
Me: I think you’re making that up.
Son: No me remember.

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Filed Under: critical conversations, parenthood, son, toddler

Breadhead Friday: Struan!

July 25, 2014 by David Dubrow Leave a Comment

Struan is of Scottish descent, and according to master baker Peter Reinhart, “It was originally conceived of as a once-a-year harvest bread, incorporating whatever grains and seeds were available from the previous day’s harvest.”

At first glance, Reinhart’s struan bread recipe looks like a major pain in the neck.  You need wheat or oat bran, coarse cornmeal, brown rice, and oats, only one of which I typically have in the pantry (the oats).  And you have to cook the brown rice.  Never having had good brown rice before, I put off making this bread for years because of it.

Loaves risen and ready for baking
But then I caught a wild hare and decided to go for it.  The Saveur recipe for brown rice actually turned out a very nice, tasty product that I’ll make again.  There was a lot of weighing, measuring, mixing, and kneading, and as I shaped the cold struan dough after an evening’s rise in the refrigerator, I had to ask myself: was all that worth it?
A bit dense.  Note the yellow flecks of cornmeal
Yes.  Yes it was.  It was delicious.  Now I know why so many people raved about it.  The cornmeal gave it a pleasant, subtle crunch, and the addition of the other grains added depth of flavor without making it bitter.  Obviously I’ll have to work on the shaping a little more in future efforts, but overall I ended up with two really tasty sandwich loaves that were worth the work.  
You owe it to yourself to make a struan bread at least once in your life to see what the fuss is about.
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Filed Under: bread, breadhead friday, homemade, peter reinhart, struan, whole grains

Is Professor Xavier an Archangel or a Principality?

July 23, 2014 by David Dubrow Leave a Comment

You can’t browse through the Paranormal Fiction section of a bookseller without running into something with an angel on the cover.  There are whole sub-genres devoted to romance between angels, romance between angels and demons, romance between angels and humans, angels and vampires (!), etc.  If there’s a supernatural creature out there, someone, somewhere, is going to want to have sex with it.  Or write about someone having sex with it.

This is not to disparage the genre: people like what they like.

Call me a purist, but if you take a thing too far away from its essential nature, it ceases to be that thing and becomes something different.  If obedience to God is an integral part of an angel’s being, then it will cease to be an angel when it defies God.  Without God, an angel is no longer an angel.

The idea of angels acting in defiance of an absentee God is all over modern fiction, particularly the TV show Supernatural.  In an increasingly secularized media culture, this divorce of angels from religion, from God Himself, simply turns angels into superheroes.  X-Men.  Beautiful, winged X-Men, but mutants all the same.  They can fly around, have super-strength, perform miracles, but lack the thing that makes them actually angels: faith in and obedience to God.

The angelic fiction sub-genre has plenty of room for latitude.  If there are sparkly vampires and Teen Wolves, there can be superhero angels.  A fallen angel doesn’t have to de facto become a demon, an idea I explore for the Watcher angels in The Blessed Man and the Witch.

Nevertheless, magical powers and feathered wings do not an angel make.  Secularizing an angel takes him away from his core and transforms him into a superhero.

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Filed Under: angels, blessed man and the witch, demons, god, grigori, religion, sparkly vampires, teen wolf, watchers

Whereupon I Give Away the Whole Store

July 21, 2014 by David Dubrow Leave a Comment

The difficulty of depicting angels as properly angelic and God as an all-encompassing force for good in fiction is that we do not live in a culture of moral absolutes.  Likewise, we cannot rely on an ultimate moral arbiter if we cannot or will not define evil.

Kristen Lamb’s point about the value of Dungeons & Dragons alignments in characterization is well-put, but it falls apart at the macro level, especially in dealing with the apocalypse.  It can be argued that the end of the world is always an individual situation, as each character will react to it in an individual manner according to his ethics and situation.  But when you deal with the larger issue of a God that ends the world, aided by His angels, character alignments don’t hold up for Him, and even Lawful Good characters can protest the injustice of it.  Even if it’s being done for the best of reasons, according to God.

This is the central concept behind my Armageddon trilogy: the relevance of Biblical ethics in today’s ultra-modern society.  Nowhere in it do I preach, nor is it my intent to advocate for a particular moral stance within the text.  Rather, it’s an attempt to bring prevailing Western belief systems into immediate conflict.  Mankind in the face of Armageddon is the ultimate existential crisis.  So how does one resolve it?  Is it possible?

During a rare moment of respite near the end of The Blessed Man and the Witch, one character says, “We must be guided by our own ethics, not what we think God wants us to do. We must get comfortable with the idea that we can disagree with Him and still keep our integrity.”  To many of us, this is an absolute impossibility.  It can’t be done.  For others, it’s a necessity: the God of the Bible is the ultimate source of evil, oppression, and ignorance.  Both points of view cannot be correct.  But can they both be ethical?

For Hell’s point of view, there’s this: “I know what I am, but you lie to yourself every day. You’d burn the world clean of everyone who doesn’t kowtow to your…God, and call it goodness.  That’s if you win.  You wanted Armageddon. You started this war, but we’re going to fight harder. And when we win, the world gets to go on. That’s not so bad, is it?”  In a nutshell, Hell claims to be fighting for its own survival.  Despite the unspeakable ugliness of Hell’s tactics, isn’t that reasonable?  Don’t they have a right to resist God’s plan to end the world, if the alternative is an eternity of torture in the Lake of Fire, or oblivion?

Between Heaven fighting to create the Day of God (or, in the series, the New Kingdom, the merging of Heaven and Earth into one eternal paradise) and Hell fighting to maintain the status quo (or so it claims), there are those who don’t want the New Kingdom, but properly refuse to ally themselves with Hell.  As one character puts it at the end of The Blessed Man and the Witch, when everything’s at stake, “We offer a better way: freedom. Freedom to strive, to progress, to no longer be subject to the whim of an angry God or a monster that feeds on torment.”  Put that way, how can you disagree?

You can, though.  You definitely can.  Especially if you’ve embraced the God of the Bible as an all-encompassing force for good.  After all, if there’s a choice between the salvation of your eternal soul and the death of your temporary physical body, why would you choose anything but God’s side?  Especially when you’ll be given a new body of spirit made flesh at the beginning of the New Kingdom, when Heaven has crushed the forces of Hell and turned the Pit into the Lake of Fire.  If Heaven wins.

There are more questions asked than answered, obviously.  And there’s no way to make every character happy (no way to make every reader happy, either).  Sometimes it’s the struggle that matters: working these things out for yourself.  If my sympathies lie anywhere, it’s there.

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Filed Under: angels, blessed man and the witch, demons, ethics, god of the bible, heaven, hell, morals

Delicious and Easy Saturday Night Pizza

July 18, 2014 by David Dubrow Leave a Comment

A casual trip down the frozen food aisle of any American supermarket or a few minutes of watching network television will show you that we love pizza in the U.S.  My family’s no different.  However, we’re no longer fetched by TV commercials, Domino’s blandishments, or chichi artisan pizzas that cost fifteen dollars for a burnt flatbread with goat cheese and arugula, because I make delicious pizzas to our taste about once a week.  And it’s very easy to do.

The recipe I use is taken, in part, from this Quick Rustic Ciabatta Pizza recipe.  I have just altered it a little.
Required Special Equipment
A stand mixer
A kitchen scale
Required Materials
Parchment paper
Spray oil
Olive oil
Equipment That Is Good to Have but Not Necessary
A pizza stone (if not this, a cookie sheet)
A pizza peel (if not this, a second cookie sheet)
Ingredients
250 grams of bread flour (8.8 oz) – King Arthur brand flour provides the best results
7 grams salt (.25 oz)
1 tsp quick-rising yeast
1 cup water
Your favorite pizza cheese
Your favorite pizza sauce
Your favorite toppings
Directions:
Mise en place
Put the flour in the mixer bowl.  On one side of the bowl, put your yeast.  On the other side, your salt.  Cover them up with the flour a little: this keeps the salt from killing the yeast early in the mixing process.  Add the water, and with the paddle attachment, start mixing on slow speed.
It will look like this after twenty seconds or so

Once the ingredients are incorporated, turn the mixer on as fast as it will go.  This will not burn out the motor.  Keep it on the highest speed until it cleans the sides of the bowl: about five minutes or so, depending.  It will come together, trust me.  As it mixes, get a non-reactive, transparent vessel like a plastic pitcher and put spray oil on the inside.
Dough coming together
As it begins to transform from a batter to a dough, don’t leave the mixer alone.  The mixer has a tendency to move a little, and you don’t want it to hop off the counter.  Once it cleans the sides of the bowl, turn off the mixer and put the extremely wet, sticky dough into your prepared vessel.
It will look a lot like this
Cover the vessel with plastic wrap and put it in a warm place to rise.  You want it to triple in size.  Depending on the warmth of your rising/proofing place and the warmth of the water you put into the dough, this can take 90 minutes to two hours or more.  
Before the rise

If you have a pizza stone, put it in the oven and preheat the oven to 500 degrees Fahrenheit 45 minutes before you plan to bake.  If you don’t have a pizza stone, put a cookie sheet into the oven and preheat the oven to 500 degrees Fahrenheit 30 minutes before you plan to bake.  If your oven’s temperature goes higher, take it to 550 or as high as it will go.  You want that oven very hot.

Tripled in size

Once the dough has tripled, tear off a sheet of parchment paper large enough to cover your pizza peel or the back of another cookie sheet and pour a tablespoon of olive oil onto it.  Spread the olive oil over the parchment paper at around the size you want the pizza to be and dump the risen pizza dough onto the oiled paper.
The dough on the oiled paper on the peel

Rub your hands on the oiled paper to get them slick and press the dough out into a rough pizza shape with your fingertips.  It doesn’t have to be perfectly round.  I occasionally get them into that perfect circle shape, but it’s not a big deal when I don’t.  This is a homemade pizza, not a professional one.  The imperfection makes it yours.  Once the dough starts to really resist shaping, leave it alone for ten minutes to let the gluten in the dough relax.

Right after the first pressing/dimpling – note the air bubbles
After ten minutes, re-oil your hands and press the pizza out into its final shape.  Then spread the sauce onto it.  I have a delicious pizza sauce recipe that I’ll post at a different time.
Saucy dough – yes, it’s coming off the paper a little at the bottom there
Slide the sauced dough, along with the parchment paper, onto your pizza stone or cookie sheet in the oven and bake it for about 6 or 7 minutes.  If you put the cheese and toppings on now, the cheese will get very brown and crackly.  Which isn’t bad if you like it that way.
Two minutes into the oven, and the bubbles are getting bigger

Get your cheese and toppings ready, and after that 6 or 7 minutes, open the oven and top the pizza.  There will be a good bit of steam that escapes from both the baking pizza dough and the sauce, and it’ll be very hot, but if you top the pizza quickly, it’s not a bad experience.  Just don’t burn yourself.

Nascent pizza ready to be topped

I use a prepackaged cheese blend and turkey pepperoni typically, but we’ve also made some really delicious pizzas by putting on leftovers like burger pieces, grilled chicken, meatballs, sauteed peppers and onions, etc.  The dough’s the canvas and you’re the artist, so go wild.
Topped and ready for final baking

Bake for another 7 or 8 minutes, or until the crust gets golden brown and the cheese is melted.  The parchment paper will darken but not ignite.  Probably.  It never has with me, and I’ve done this in several different kitchens.  Still, be careful.

Done and out of the oven – note the char

A slice – the air bubbles in the crust give it flavor

You’ll note that I don’t add extra flour or water to the dough: just a little oil in the preparation process.  Despite that the dough is made of only four ingredients: flour, salt, yeast, and water, it’s really, really tasty.  Crunchy, chewy, and holds up to sauces and toppings.  It’s a pizza you can look forward to.  
Is it as easy to prepare as a frozen Freschetta from a box?  No.  But it’s vastly better, and you know exactly what’s inside it.  It came out of your kitchen and you made it to your personal tastes.  With rising and shaping times, it can take between 2 and 2.5 hours to make, but it’s worth it.  
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Filed Under: baking, dough, homemade, it's not delivery it's better than that, pizza, pizza recipe, recipes

Book Review: Antediluvian by R.M. Huffman

July 16, 2014 by David Dubrow 2 Comments

R.M. Huffman’s research, writing, and attention to detail take familiar fantasy elements and transform them into something extraordinary in this pre-Flood adventure novel, one that is definitely worth your time.  It’s a fascinating story about the world-that-was described so sparingly in the Book of Genesis, where morning mists covered the Earth in lieu of rain, Watcher angels gave into lust to lay with human women, and dragon-like sauropods were used as beasts of burden.  The offspring of these human-angel couplings, the giant Nephilim, are major figures here, as are the more recognizable Biblical characters of Methuselah, Lamech, and Noah.

The narrative begins on a small scale, as the descendants of Adam, living in post-Fall Eden, are brought into cultural (and sometimes physical) conflict with the sons of Cain, living in the massive, decadent city of Enoch.  It explodes from there into a larger story rife with horrific murders, shocking betrayals, and even a tragic seduction.  Noah, the protagonist, is forced by events to move away from the more pedestrian role of farmer and architect into freedom fighter and prophet.  
The lavish descriptions, speculative world-building, and vivid battle scenes make this a world you can look forward to visiting again in the upcoming sequel.  Four stars.

R.M. Huffman can be found on his website: http://antediluvianworld.com.

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Filed Under: angels, antediluvian, book review, fantasy, huffman, nephilim, noah, review, sauropods

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"It began to drizzle rain and he turned on the windshield wipers; they made a great clatter like two idiots clapping in church." --Flannery O'Connor, Wise Blood

"Squop chicken? I never get enough to eat when I eat squop chicken. I told you that when we sat down. You gotta give me that. I told you when we sat down, I said frankly I said this is not my idea of a meal, squop chicken. I'm a big eater." --John O'Hara, BUtterfield 8

I saw the 1977 cartoon The Hobbit as a little boy, and it kindled a love of heroic fantasy that has never left me. Orson Bean's passing is terrible news. Rest in peace.

Obviously, these young people have been poorly served by their parents, but the honest search for practical information should be lauded, not contemned.

You shouldn't look at or use Twitter, and this story is another perfect example. There's so much that's wrong here that it would take a battalion of clergy, philosophers, and psychologists to fully map it out, let alone treat the issue.

This is the advertising copy for Ilana Glazer's stand-up comedy special The Planet Is Burning: "Ilana Glazer‘s debut standup special is trés lol, and turns out - she one funny b. Check out Ilana’s thoughts on partnership, being a successful stoner adult, Nazis, Diva Cups, and more. Hold on to your nuts cuz this hour proves how useless the patriarchy is. For Christ’s sake, The Planet Is Burning, and it’s time a short, queer, hairy New York Jew screams it in your face!" This is written to make you want to watch it.

In the midst of reading books about modern farming, the 6,000 year history of bread, and ancient grains, I found this just-published piece by farmer and scholar Victor Davis Hanson: Remembering the Farming Way.

"I then confront the decreasing power of the movement in order to demonstrate the need for increased theorizations of the reflexive capacities of institutionalized power structures to sustain oppositional education social movements." Yes. Of course.

You should definitely check out Atomickristin's sci-fi story Women in Fridges.

As it turns out, there may yet be some kind of personal cost for attempting to incite a social media mob into violence against a teenage boy you don't know, but decided to hate anyway because reasons.

One of the biggest problems with internet content is that the vast majority of sites don't pay their writers, and it shows in the lack of quality writing. It's hard to find decent writers, and harder to scrape up the cash to pay them. This piece is a shining example of the problem of free content: it's worth what you pay for.

If you're interested in understanding our current cultural insanity, the best primer available is Douglas Murray's The Madness of Crowds. Thoughtful, entertaining, and incisive.

More laws are dumb. More law enforcement is dumb. The only proper response to violence is overwhelming violence. End the assault. There's a rising anti-semitism problem in New York because Jews who act like victims are being victimized by predators. None of these attacks are random. Carry a weapon and practice deploying it under duress. Be alert and aware. I don't understand why the women Tiffany Harris attacked didn't flatten her face into the pavement, but once word gets around that the consequences of violence are grave, the violence will lessen.

When are you assholes going to understand that this stupidity doesn't work any longer? Nobody gives much of a damn if you think we're sexist because we don't want to see a movie you think we should see. It only makes us dislike you that much more, and you started out being an unlikable asshole. Find a new way to shame normal people.

The movie Terms of Endearment still holds up more than 35 years later, and if you're looking for a tearjerker, this is your jam. One element that didn't get a lot of mention is, at the end, when Flap, with a shrug, decides that his mother-in-law will become the mother of his children once Emma dies. He abandons them, and nothing is made of it. This always troubled me.

You need to read this story the next time you feel the urge to complain. And if you need a shot of admiration for another family's courage, check this out.

Progressive political activist and children's author J.K. Rowling finds herself on the wrong side of a mob she helped to create. The Woke Sandwich she's been trying to force-feed others since she earned enough f-you money doesn't taste as good as it looks when she's obliged to take a bite.

I need you to check out The Kohen Chronicles and pray for this family. Their 5-year-old son has cancer.

Currently, the movie Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker stands at 55% at Rotten Tomatoes. Don't forget that these are the same reviewers who not only adored the absolutely execrable The Last Jedi, but insisted that you were a MAGA hat-wearing incel white supremacist manbaby for not loving The Last Jedi. So either The Rise of Skywalker is an objectively bad film, or it simply wasn't woke enough to earn plaudits from our movie-reviewing moral and intellectual betters.

It's easy to hate the older pop bands like Genesis for their popularity, but they were capable of genius, and it shows in No Son of Mine.

If you want to know which identity group has more clout, read this story of the Zola ads on the Hallmark Channel.

Rest in peace, René Auberjonois. I remember you from Benson as a kid. As an adult, I remember you as Janos Audron in the Legacy of Kain video game series. You made every role you were in a classic.

Elf on a Shelf Follies, Part 2:
8-year-old: I wrote the elf a note! I hope he writes back.
Me: What did you write?
8yo: I asked if he has any friends.
Me: What if he says it's none of your business?
8yo: *eyes grow dark and glittering* Then I'll...touch him.
Me: Ah. Mutually assured destruction, then.

Elf on a Shelf Follies, Part 1: My 8-year-old got an Elf on the Shelf the other day. The book it came with tells a story in doggerel about this elf's purpose, which is to spy on the kid and report his doings to Santa Claus, who would then determine if the kid is worthy for Christmas presents this year. The book also said for the kid not to touch him, or the magic would fade, and for the family to give the elf a name. I wanted to name him Stasi. I was outvoted.

Actor Billy Dee Williams calls himself a man or a woman, depending on whim; his character Lando Calrissian is "pansexual," and his writer implies that he'd become intimate with anyone or anything, including, one presumes, a dog, a toaster, or a baby. J.J. Abrams is very concerned about LGBTQ representation in the Star Wars universe. This is Hollywood. This is Star Wars. This is what's important to the people in charge of your cinematic entertainment. Are you not entertained?

The funniest thing on the internet today is the number of people angry over an exercise bike commercial. Public outrage is always funny. Always.

One of the biggest mistakes the United States has ever made since WWII was recruiting for clandestine and federal law enforcement organizations at Ivy League schools. The best talent pools were/are available from local law enforcement and military veterans, with their maturity and, most importantly, field experience. We've been reaping the costs of these terrible decisions for decades, culminating in a hopelessly politicized, sub-competent FBI and CIA.

Watching Fauda seasons 1 and 2 again in preparation for season 3 to be broadcast, one hopes, in early 2020. Here's my back-of-the-matchbook review of season 2.

Every day I try to be grateful for what I have, even in the face of the petty frustrations and troubles that pockmark a day spent outside of one's living room, binge-watching Netflix. We live lives of ease in 21st century America, making it enormously difficult to do anything but take one's countless blessings for granted. Holidays like the just-passed Thanksgiving are helpful reminders. There's a reason why people call the attitude of a thankful heart practicing gratitude, not just feeling grateful. You have to practice it. You have to remind yourself of what you have. It's the work of a lifetime.

Held Back: A Recent Conversation.
8-year-old: Oh, and Jamie was there, too. He was in my first grade class two years ago.
Me: Wasn't he held back a year?
8yo: Yeah. It's because he kept going to the bathroom with the door open.
Me: No way!
8yo: And girls saw.
Me: That's not right. They're not going to hold a kid back a whole year over that.
8yo: Well, that's what he told me.
Me: Sounds fishy.
8yo: I believe him.
~fin~

It's right and good to push a raft of politically correct social justice policies on everything else under the sun, but when social justice invades Hollywood, that's just a bridge too far, says Terry Gilliam. Sorry, Terry: you helped make this sandwich. EAT IT.

Rob Henderson's piece on luxury beliefs will have you nodding your head over and over again...unless you subscribe to these luxury beliefs, in which case you'll get mad.

I've made the Saturday bread from Flour Water Salt Yeast so often that I've memorized the recipe. It never disappoints. Never. The same recipe works well for pizza, too.

Liberty doesn't mean the freedom to do anything you want. The true definition of liberty is the ability to choose the good. Anything less is libertinism.

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