David Dubrow

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Book Review: Graham Masterton’s Ghost Music

December 1, 2014 by David Dubrow Leave a Comment

I’ve been a huge fan of Graham Masterton since the early 1990’s.  Two of his novels, Night Warriors and Flesh and Blood, occupy prized spots on my dresser, so I can see them every day.  Like most writers who’ve had long, successful careers, some of his books have been great, some good, and some not so good.

Unfortunately, Ghost Music wasn’t so good.  This is why I didn’t enjoy it:

  • Graham’s American Problem: There’s a persistent problem with the novels Masterton sets in the U.S.: they’re self-evidently written by someone unfamiliar with American idiom, customs, and culture.  He’s typically got very snappy, witty dialogue, which is great, but occasionally English expressions like “Who’s X when he’s at home?” pop in when Americans speak to each other, and it takes you out of the story and reminds you who’s writing it.  His attempts to immerse the reader in American culture simply fail most of the time, because when he’s not trying too hard, he’s not trying enough.  I just wish he’d stop it.  American horror fans will buy books set in Poland and the U.K. if he writes them.  This problem was very much evident in Ghost Music.
  • Stupid Protagonist: Another major criticism of the novel is that the protagonist was an absolute idiot from start to finish.  While I understand that authors who work through traditional publishers often don’t get to choose the titles of their novels, it makes for a frustrating reading experience to read about a man who’s obviously seeing ghosts everywhere but has no idea that he’s seeing ghosts.  He’s even screwing one who has the uncanny ability to shatter glass with her screams of delight at climax.  It’s only near the end that he figures out that the people who appear and disappear, are dead one day and alive the next, are actually…wait for it…ghosts.  The protagonist also makes a number of very strange decisions, all of which make no sense but are vital to move the plot forward.  This is sloppy writing.  It shows a lack of respect for the reader.
  • Bad Bad Guys: There was needless brutality in the way certain people met their end: a boy has his eyes glued shut as part of the torture he endures before dying, and a young girl is literally sewed to a mattress that is later sunk into the sea (we’ll ignore how the latter can possibly be done for the purposes of storytelling).  The impetus for this brutality involves a hastily thrown-together denouement with illegal organ harvesting in the Third World and a mafia-like antagonist.

Across the board not one of his best, but I did finish it.  Two stars.

Final note: When he’s on his game, Graham Masterton is extraordinary.  I’ll take him over Stephen King any day. Don’t take this one review as indicative of his entire oeuvre.

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Filed Under: bad book, book review, ghosts, graham masterton, horror, review

Kathleen Hale the Stalker: 4 Things to Consider

October 29, 2014 by David Dubrow 1 Comment

Kathleen Hale is a writer who, after having gotten a bad review on her book, stalked the reviewer online, in person, and on the phone.  Hale wrote about her experiences in The Guardian, and the story has elicited a great deal of comment in both writer and reviewer circles.  As usual, I’m a bit late to the party, but I figured I’d make my thoughts known anyway.

  1. There’s an expression that I love when it comes to commentary on situations like these: moral preening.  Or, if you prefer, burnishing your moral bona-fides.  In short, you should get no points for taking the moral stand that’s self-evidently right, even if many people have taken the opposite position.  There’s no bravery in pointing out an obviously wrong thing and saying, “Hey, you shouldn’t do that.”  With that in mind, it’s clear that Hale was completely batshit crazy and shouldn’t have stalked the reviewer.  She shouldn’t be trusted with sharp objects, she’s an entitled lunatic, etc. etc.  We know that, so let’s move on.
  2. This is an interesting piece, if only because it hits the most overwrought high points and completely forgets how unbelievably small the respective author and reviewer pools truly are compared to the population of actual readers.  The vast majority of readers don’t give a shit outside of the drama Hale’s story has created, which is itself interesting reading.  If all the book bloggers/reviewers went on strike, people would still buy and read books.  Even indie books.  Note also terms like “systematic devaluation of female voices” in the actual piece and comments from readers that include “it all seems to me to be part and parcel of a trend toward silencing women”.  This from an opinion piece that does more than just reference a woman writer who stalked a woman reviewer.  If female voices are being devalued, some of the blame must fall upon women, right?  The expression about one’s only tool being a hammer and every problem resembling a nail comes to mind.  If everything’s about women’s issues, nothing’s about women’s issues.  This isn’t about women’s issues.
  3. I care about reviews: most beginning writers do.  Reviews affect business.  Obviously, I only want honest reviews from people who read the book (no moral preening here).  If the book’s great, tell me so.  Tell everyone how great it is so they buy it, too.  However, I ache for the time when none of it will matter so much to me.  It will require a great deal of work to get there, so I just put my head down and write.  When it comes to bad reviews (anything less than 3 stars is a bad review, and even a 3-star review isn’t good), they hurt, but you suck it up and move on.  If the reviewer has something pithy to say, you go back and see if the criticism is valid.  Improve where you can and move on.  One thing, though: I reserve the right to hate you a little because you didn’t like my book.  Just a little.  I won’t act on it.  But it’ll be this thing between us.  And you might have forgotten it, but for me, it’s always there.  For some writers, the hate is bigger.  For some unhinged writers, there’s a need to act on that hate, hence Hale.  
  4. Goodreads is where the dastardly attack on Hale’s good name was perpetrated.  I dislike Goodreads.  Most authors I speak to feel the same way.  It’s tailor-made for the passive-aggressive set, with its context-free rating system that doesn’t require that you’ve read anything further than the blurb to use.  Many Goodreads reviewers love to write long, vicious attack screeds about the books and authors they hate, and these reviewers have gained reader followings for those screeds.  Self-important internet book-tyrants stake out fiefs on Goodreads, and woe to the fool who makes the mistake of expressing a different opinion.  Luckily, Goodreads isn’t representative of the reading population.  Hopefully it isn’t representative of humanity in general.  Like every other form of social media, it’s high school.  It’s small.  It’s not the real world.  But writers have to acknowledge it.  

All the successful writers I respect say the same thing: ignore the reviews.  Write.  Improve.  Market.  Repeat.  It’s what I intend to do.

Right after I check my Amazon writer page to see if anyone else has reviewed my books yet.

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Filed Under: book review, goodreads, inside baseball, kathleen hale, review

American Horror Story Season Two: Impressions

October 27, 2014 by David Dubrow Leave a Comment

Over the course of the last few weeks, I watched the second season of American Horror Story after having been assured by its fans that it was better than the first season, which featured Dylan McDermott crying and masturbating in the early episodes and was generally mediocre.

Unfortunately, I found the second season about as mediocre for similar reasons.

The writers did absolutely nothing to make you care about any of the characters, including Kit Walker, arguably the only “good guy” in the show.  None of them were likable.  You have to like the characters to care about what happens to them, and in horror, very bad things are supposed to happen to them.  One gets possessed by the Devil, one gets raped, many get killed horribly, etc, and it wasn’t the least bit affecting.  The reporter character was simply venal and without charm; sister Jude lacked pathos despite piddling late-season efforts to achieve it; and Bloody Face, once unmasked, lacked menace.

It was a mishmash of horror themes that lacked a single unifying thread.  Alien abductions, demonic possession, Nazi experiments, and serial killers: all thrown against the wall, and none of them stuck.  Wouldn’t it be interesting to see what the Devil thinks about Gray aliens kidnapping people and experimenting on them?  You won’t find it here.  Despite that the story took place, for the most part, in an asylum, they barely touched on an extremely important theme: perception vs reality.  Crazy people and people on drugs often perceive reality as different from what it actually is.  That idea could have been used to show insanity.  It didn’t.  There was very little madness in the madhouse.

The show suffered from some very clumsy storytelling elements that should have been taken out.  When the reporter character escapes from Bloody Face, she just happens to get into a car with a crazy, suicidal man?  Really?  That was the best way the writers could think of to bring her back to the asylum?  Didn’t make sense.  The subplot with Ian McShane was entertaining, but only because Ian McShane was in it.  Certain characters just dropped off the face of the show for long periods without rhyme or reason.  Story arcs ended abruptly.  We don’t get closure in real life, so we want it in our fiction.  Unfortunately, we didn’t get that here.

The ending was banal and without surprise or tension.  While it was nice to see Dylan McDermott with his clothes on, his character lacked menace, and it was obvious what would happen to him in the end.  The alien kids end up becoming a lawyer and a doctor, respectively. The Nazi self-immolates.  Kit gets beamed up.  By then, I didn’t care.

The show did have one bright spot: the Angel of Death.  She was awesome.  I loved every scene with her in it, even though she was underutilized as a character.

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Filed Under: american horror story, angel of death, angels, horror, mediocrity, review, television

Book Review: Antediluvian by R.M. Huffman

July 16, 2014 by David Dubrow 2 Comments

R.M. Huffman’s research, writing, and attention to detail take familiar fantasy elements and transform them into something extraordinary in this pre-Flood adventure novel, one that is definitely worth your time.  It’s a fascinating story about the world-that-was described so sparingly in the Book of Genesis, where morning mists covered the Earth in lieu of rain, Watcher angels gave into lust to lay with human women, and dragon-like sauropods were used as beasts of burden.  The offspring of these human-angel couplings, the giant Nephilim, are major figures here, as are the more recognizable Biblical characters of Methuselah, Lamech, and Noah.

The narrative begins on a small scale, as the descendants of Adam, living in post-Fall Eden, are brought into cultural (and sometimes physical) conflict with the sons of Cain, living in the massive, decadent city of Enoch.  It explodes from there into a larger story rife with horrific murders, shocking betrayals, and even a tragic seduction.  Noah, the protagonist, is forced by events to move away from the more pedestrian role of farmer and architect into freedom fighter and prophet.  
The lavish descriptions, speculative world-building, and vivid battle scenes make this a world you can look forward to visiting again in the upcoming sequel.  Four stars.

R.M. Huffman can be found on his website: http://antediluvianworld.com.

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Filed Under: angels, antediluvian, book review, fantasy, huffman, nephilim, noah, review, sauropods

"It began to drizzle rain and he turned on the windshield wipers; they made a great clatter like two idiots clapping in church." --Flannery O'Connor, Wise Blood

"Squop chicken? I never get enough to eat when I eat squop chicken. I told you that when we sat down. You gotta give me that. I told you when we sat down, I said frankly I said this is not my idea of a meal, squop chicken. I'm a big eater." --John O'Hara, BUtterfield 8

I saw the 1977 cartoon The Hobbit as a little boy, and it kindled a love of heroic fantasy that has never left me. Orson Bean's passing is terrible news. Rest in peace.

Obviously, these young people have been poorly served by their parents, but the honest search for practical information should be lauded, not contemned.

You shouldn't look at or use Twitter, and this story is another perfect example. There's so much that's wrong here that it would take a battalion of clergy, philosophers, and psychologists to fully map it out, let alone treat the issue.

This is the advertising copy for Ilana Glazer's stand-up comedy special The Planet Is Burning: "Ilana Glazer‘s debut standup special is trés lol, and turns out - she one funny b. Check out Ilana’s thoughts on partnership, being a successful stoner adult, Nazis, Diva Cups, and more. Hold on to your nuts cuz this hour proves how useless the patriarchy is. For Christ’s sake, The Planet Is Burning, and it’s time a short, queer, hairy New York Jew screams it in your face!" This is written to make you want to watch it.

In the midst of reading books about modern farming, the 6,000 year history of bread, and ancient grains, I found this just-published piece by farmer and scholar Victor Davis Hanson: Remembering the Farming Way.

"I then confront the decreasing power of the movement in order to demonstrate the need for increased theorizations of the reflexive capacities of institutionalized power structures to sustain oppositional education social movements." Yes. Of course.

You should definitely check out Atomickristin's sci-fi story Women in Fridges.

As it turns out, there may yet be some kind of personal cost for attempting to incite a social media mob into violence against a teenage boy you don't know, but decided to hate anyway because reasons.

One of the biggest problems with internet content is that the vast majority of sites don't pay their writers, and it shows in the lack of quality writing. It's hard to find decent writers, and harder to scrape up the cash to pay them. This piece is a shining example of the problem of free content: it's worth what you pay for.

If you're interested in understanding our current cultural insanity, the best primer available is Douglas Murray's The Madness of Crowds. Thoughtful, entertaining, and incisive.

More laws are dumb. More law enforcement is dumb. The only proper response to violence is overwhelming violence. End the assault. There's a rising anti-semitism problem in New York because Jews who act like victims are being victimized by predators. None of these attacks are random. Carry a weapon and practice deploying it under duress. Be alert and aware. I don't understand why the women Tiffany Harris attacked didn't flatten her face into the pavement, but once word gets around that the consequences of violence are grave, the violence will lessen.

When are you assholes going to understand that this stupidity doesn't work any longer? Nobody gives much of a damn if you think we're sexist because we don't want to see a movie you think we should see. It only makes us dislike you that much more, and you started out being an unlikable asshole. Find a new way to shame normal people.

The movie Terms of Endearment still holds up more than 35 years later, and if you're looking for a tearjerker, this is your jam. One element that didn't get a lot of mention is, at the end, when Flap, with a shrug, decides that his mother-in-law will become the mother of his children once Emma dies. He abandons them, and nothing is made of it. This always troubled me.

You need to read this story the next time you feel the urge to complain. And if you need a shot of admiration for another family's courage, check this out.

Progressive political activist and children's author J.K. Rowling finds herself on the wrong side of a mob she helped to create. The Woke Sandwich she's been trying to force-feed others since she earned enough f-you money doesn't taste as good as it looks when she's obliged to take a bite.

I need you to check out The Kohen Chronicles and pray for this family. Their 5-year-old son has cancer.

Currently, the movie Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker stands at 55% at Rotten Tomatoes. Don't forget that these are the same reviewers who not only adored the absolutely execrable The Last Jedi, but insisted that you were a MAGA hat-wearing incel white supremacist manbaby for not loving The Last Jedi. So either The Rise of Skywalker is an objectively bad film, or it simply wasn't woke enough to earn plaudits from our movie-reviewing moral and intellectual betters.

It's easy to hate the older pop bands like Genesis for their popularity, but they were capable of genius, and it shows in No Son of Mine.

If you want to know which identity group has more clout, read this story of the Zola ads on the Hallmark Channel.

Rest in peace, René Auberjonois. I remember you from Benson as a kid. As an adult, I remember you as Janos Audron in the Legacy of Kain video game series. You made every role you were in a classic.

Elf on a Shelf Follies, Part 2:
8-year-old: I wrote the elf a note! I hope he writes back.
Me: What did you write?
8yo: I asked if he has any friends.
Me: What if he says it's none of your business?
8yo: *eyes grow dark and glittering* Then I'll...touch him.
Me: Ah. Mutually assured destruction, then.

Elf on a Shelf Follies, Part 1: My 8-year-old got an Elf on the Shelf the other day. The book it came with tells a story in doggerel about this elf's purpose, which is to spy on the kid and report his doings to Santa Claus, who would then determine if the kid is worthy for Christmas presents this year. The book also said for the kid not to touch him, or the magic would fade, and for the family to give the elf a name. I wanted to name him Stasi. I was outvoted.

Actor Billy Dee Williams calls himself a man or a woman, depending on whim; his character Lando Calrissian is "pansexual," and his writer implies that he'd become intimate with anyone or anything, including, one presumes, a dog, a toaster, or a baby. J.J. Abrams is very concerned about LGBTQ representation in the Star Wars universe. This is Hollywood. This is Star Wars. This is what's important to the people in charge of your cinematic entertainment. Are you not entertained?

The funniest thing on the internet today is the number of people angry over an exercise bike commercial. Public outrage is always funny. Always.

One of the biggest mistakes the United States has ever made since WWII was recruiting for clandestine and federal law enforcement organizations at Ivy League schools. The best talent pools were/are available from local law enforcement and military veterans, with their maturity and, most importantly, field experience. We've been reaping the costs of these terrible decisions for decades, culminating in a hopelessly politicized, sub-competent FBI and CIA.

Watching Fauda seasons 1 and 2 again in preparation for season 3 to be broadcast, one hopes, in early 2020. Here's my back-of-the-matchbook review of season 2.

Every day I try to be grateful for what I have, even in the face of the petty frustrations and troubles that pockmark a day spent outside of one's living room, binge-watching Netflix. We live lives of ease in 21st century America, making it enormously difficult to do anything but take one's countless blessings for granted. Holidays like the just-passed Thanksgiving are helpful reminders. There's a reason why people call the attitude of a thankful heart practicing gratitude, not just feeling grateful. You have to practice it. You have to remind yourself of what you have. It's the work of a lifetime.

Held Back: A Recent Conversation.
8-year-old: Oh, and Jamie was there, too. He was in my first grade class two years ago.
Me: Wasn't he held back a year?
8yo: Yeah. It's because he kept going to the bathroom with the door open.
Me: No way!
8yo: And girls saw.
Me: That's not right. They're not going to hold a kid back a whole year over that.
8yo: Well, that's what he told me.
Me: Sounds fishy.
8yo: I believe him.
~fin~

It's right and good to push a raft of politically correct social justice policies on everything else under the sun, but when social justice invades Hollywood, that's just a bridge too far, says Terry Gilliam. Sorry, Terry: you helped make this sandwich. EAT IT.

Rob Henderson's piece on luxury beliefs will have you nodding your head over and over again...unless you subscribe to these luxury beliefs, in which case you'll get mad.

I've made the Saturday bread from Flour Water Salt Yeast so often that I've memorized the recipe. It never disappoints. Never. The same recipe works well for pizza, too.

Liberty doesn't mean the freedom to do anything you want. The true definition of liberty is the ability to choose the good. Anything less is libertinism.

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