David Dubrow

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Movie Review: Trancers (1984)

February 8, 2017 by David Dubrow 7 Comments

I first saw Trancers as a videotape rental in high school, which I suppose dates me somewhat. My standards as a teenager weren’t terribly high, so at the time I thought it was great. The film was ludicrous but I loved it all the same. Mental time travel to an ancestor? The Long Second Watch? A guy named Whistler with hypnotic powers? Come on.

Now, decades later, does the movie hold up?

Yes. Yes it does.

It’s a low budget movie. But to paraphrase a former Secretary of Defense, you go to production with the budget you have, not the budget you wish you had. So there are parts of it that look cheesy. Can’t be helped. It’s not the budget that makes a movie, but the care put into it, and in the case of Trancers, a lot of care was put into it.

There’s not one performance in the film that takes you out of the story, which is one of its greatest strengths. Tim Thomerson plays protagonist Jack Deth with perfect, down-the-line seriousness, which makes him stand out in what is already kind of a silly movie. His charisma and imposing physical presence make you believe in the role. Helen Hunt is appealing as Lena, appropriately scared and vulnerable when necessary. She deserves great respect for returning in the sequel. The movie wouldn’t have worked anywhere near as well without Michael Stefani as Whistler: with his staring eyes and creepy smile, he’s the bad guy this film needed.

The story’s uneven, and an interested viewer could spend days picking holes in the plot. But why would you want to? The bizarre dystopia of Jack Deth’s time, with its Council of Elders and half of L.A. sunk into the sea, where real coffee is prized like gold but everyone smokes tobacco (at least, I assume it’s tobacco), when mankind has colonized other planets but hasn’t conquered death at the hands of a madman and his zombie army: it’s extremely imaginative. What the writers don’t show but hint at makes you fill in the blanks yourself. The Trancers themselves are sort of like zombies but with a bit more volition, making it relevant to our current zombie-obsessed culture. Why can the future cops send Long Second Watches into the past but not people? Don’t worry about it: just watch the movie. If members of the Council are eliminated in the future when Whistler kills their ancestors in the past, how do we know they even existed? Just…just stop asking so many questions, already.

Yes, we did dress a lot like they did in the 1985 depicted in the movie, and most of us thought it was cool. Thing is, we could wash out the hair spray and take off our square-ended neckties, but today’s tattoos are rather more permanent, and those facial piercings leave literal holes. In your face. I’ll take a pair of Jordache denims over skinny jeans any day of the week (in part because I can’t fit into skinny jeans).

Whether you’re a newcomer to Charles Band’s oeuvre or looking for a piece of sci-fi horror nostalgia, I’m pleased to report that you won’t be disappointed in Trancers. Get out there, find yourself a copy, and get watching. Your New Coke’s getting warm.

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Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: charles band, horror, movie review, science fiction, trancers

Book Review: Chrysalis

January 24, 2017 by David Dubrow 4 Comments

Ray Zacek’s short story Chrysalis packs a lot of plot into a brief package. It releases its disturbing secrets slowly, inch by inch, line by line, and by the time Zacek has opened the kimono all the way, you’ll be ready to run screaming.

Coffman, the protagonist, is as much a cipher as the mystery he’s driven into the dilapidated town of Leclerc to investigate: who, exactly, does he work for? And why are the bodies in this “Somalia on the Mississippi” piling up? As the story unfolds and things get weirder, the unflappable, enigmatic Coffman seems equal to the challenge…until he isn’t.

Zacek’s talent for snappy dialogue, ably demonstrated in his short story The Tatman, is in evidence here: everyone’s got a reason for what they say and how they say it, which is the essence of good characterization. Secret agendas lurk behind every exchange, adding to the atmosphere.

If I have any complaints, it’s that the story’s too short. Zacek hints of greater things afoot, but we don’t get to see them. Which is a shame, because this is a world you’ll definitely want to return to. Let’s hope the author’s got more Chrysalis stories coming down the pike…or in this case, sliding out of a morgue’s chilly drawer.

At the time of this writing, Chrysalis is free on Amazon. Get your copy ASAP!

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Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: book review, chrysalis, horror, ray zacek

Beneath the Ziggurat: The Rest of the Story

January 12, 2017 by David Dubrow 6 Comments

Whenever I have to make one of those dumb lists of all-time favorite books I’ve ever read, Gary Jennings’s Aztec usually finds itself in the top five. I found the novel in my parents’ bookshelf in the late 1980’s: it was a huge, white hardback tome, utterly different from the Leon Uris, Lawrence Sanders, and Philip Roth novels that surrounded it. At the time I was in a dry spell between Stephen King and Clive Barker books, so I turned to the first page and fell completely inside.

(What’s funny is that my dad, whose book it was, didn’t even like it very much.)

Aztec sparked an interest in historical fiction and pre-Columbian history that continues to this day. As a completist, I had to get the entire Jennings oeuvre: Spangle, The Journeyer, Raptor, Aztec Autumn. And thence to Mika Waltari’s The Egyptian, and…you know how it goes. You ever read something in a new genre that’s so good that it spoils you, and nothing else can quite compare? That’s what happened with me and Aztec. Mary Renault, James Michener, Bernard Cornwell: they’re great, but not Jennings great. Except for Ken Follett.

A couple of years ago, when I was momentarily stalled on the first draft of The Nephilim and the False Prophet, I found an ad from a publisher looking for horror-themed short stories. The story criteria intrigued me with one caveat, so I outlined the bare bones of what would become Beneath the Ziggurat: a Lovecraftian tale of pre-Columbian Mexico. The caveat wasn’t that troubling: the publishers specifically encouraged white men to submit stories, and I fit the bill, so I was a shoe-in.

Or so I thought. As it turned out I got a nice rejection letter, saying that the story wasn’t quite what they were looking for.

Obviously that’s a disappointment, but you swallow it and move on. I shelved the story for the time being and finished The Nephilim and the False Prophet. A year later I gave the story in a non-exclusive format to Jasper Bark as electronic bonus content for his graphic novel project Beyond Lovecraft; the lucky people who donated a certain amount to Beyond Lovecraft‘s Indiegogo campaign will get to read it in PDF form once it’s out.

I always thought it was too good a story to bury or let languish, despite its earlier rejection, so I decided I would release it as a Kindle Single, with an original cover. And, well, there you have it-

Huh. Wait. Going over what I just wrote, I found I made an embarrassing typo. When I said that the publisher specifically encouraged white men to submit stories, I erred. The publisher had actually made it a point to encourage women and people of color to submit stories.

That’s racism. When a publisher tells you that it’s encouraging people of a certain skin color to submit work, they’re acting on a racist impulse. And now that we’re in a culture that has redefined gender as a “social construct,” it doesn’t matter who’s a man and who’s a woman: it matters what sex you say you are. How you identify. So sexism’s no longer a thing, right? I’m not sure. The rules are so plastic.

Somehow it’s become acceptable to discriminate against white people, particularly white men. Check out this post, written close to two years ago: our culture has somehow devolved since then. Writing off an individual because of immutable, innate characteristics like skin color is the essence of racism, whether that individual’s a white man or not.

If you’re at all interested in stopping racial or gender discrimination, don’t write stories for publishers who consider skin color or sex organs in their submission criteria. Don’t read stories from these publishers. Don’t do business with racists and sexists.

I’d have preferred to just talk about my love of pre-Columbian history and Gary Jennings, but when things like racial discrimination turn up, I have to address them. If you sit back and say nothing you’re accepting it, tacitly or otherwise. Discrimination against people of any skin color or ethnicity is wrong, and it’s ludicrous for me to have to point this out. But that’s what’s happening to our culture, including the publishing industry.

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Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: beneath the ziggurat, horror, lovecraft, racism, sjw, the rest of the story

New Kindle Single: Beneath the Ziggurat

January 9, 2017 by David Dubrow Leave a Comment

I’ve released a new short story, available on Kindle: Beneath the Ziggurat. It’s a Lovecraft-inspired tale that takes place in pre-Columbian Mexico, not long after the fall of the Aztecs at the hands of the Spanish:

Beneath the Ziggurat takes the reader on a Lovecraftian journey through pre-Columbian Mexico, where dread lurks behind every step of rainforest and the old gods still hold terrible sway. Descend into a nightmare of brutal Spanish conquistadors, bizarre aboriginal tribes, and unspeakable alien horrors in a tale that David Angsten, author of Dark Gold and Night of the Furies lauded as “an instant, timeless, phantasmagoric classic.”

Jason Berry of The Mad Ravings of an Entertainment Junkie said of it, “I honestly do not see a way that this story could be improved – it is that good!”

It’s available right now from Amazon, so pick up your copy today!

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Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: horror, lovecraft, short fiction

The Ultimate Guide to Surviving a Zombie Apocalypse: Revised and Updated

December 27, 2016 by David Dubrow Leave a Comment

In late October of this year I reacquired the rights to my book The Ultimate Guide to Surviving a Zombie Apocalypse. Since then I’ve been working day and night to republish it in a revised and updated edition, featuring new illustrations and a new chapter on surviving the worst of the worst-case scenario: surviving a Zombie Apocalypse in a big city like Atlanta or Chicago.

I’m proud to announce that this new version is available in paperback from Amazon, just in time for you to purchase with all that Christmas money burning a hole in your virtual pocket!

Let’s face it: most of us are not prepared to face a basic disaster survival situation, let alone a zombie uprising. What are you going to do when all the trappings of civilization are ripped away by rotting, undead hands? During a Zombie Apocalypse, the electricity stops running, water stops flowing from the tap, and the rule of law becomes the Law of the Jungle. Hordes of ravenous, cannibalistic ghouls roam the streets, seeking human flesh. It would be a miracle if you survive the first night, let alone a month. Your life expectancy has just dropped to next winter…if you’re lucky.

That’s where this book comes in. It provides you with not just the information you need to survive the coming Zombie Apocalypse, but the confidence such knowledge brings. After reading this book, you will learn:

  • The different classifications of zombies, along with their strengths and weaknesses
  • How to cope with the overall zombie-caused breakdown of society
  • Combat-proven zombie-fighting tactics and techniques
  • How to find food, water, and shelter in a zombie-overrun world
  • Skills for surviving other apocalyptic dangers, including rogue government agencies, zombie animals, and other humans competing for scarce resources
  • How to prepare a Zombie Bug-Out Bag to get you through that critical first week of the Zombie Apocalypse

And so much more!

Do you really want to be the only person on your block completely unprepared for the coming Zombie Apocalypse, or do you want to take your fate in your own two hands and not only survive, but thrive in a post-apocalyptic world filled with cannibalistic undead? Pick up your copy today!

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Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: horror, me me me, survival, ultimate guide to surviving a zombie apocalypse, zombies

2016 in Review: Top Five Books

December 22, 2016 by David Dubrow 1 Comment

I read about as much science fiction this year as I did horror, with some history, politics, and a few other genres thrown in. Picking favorite books from a list is, of course, a subjective sort of enterprise; how I feel about a book after I read it sometimes changes over time as I consider the quality of writing and story. I can tell if a book’s going to be worth my time from the blurb and the Amazon “Look Inside” feature. If the blurb’s substandard, the book is going to suck. If the first paragraph sucks, the rest of the book is going to suck worse. It’s axiomatic.

Reading book reviews is a secondary criterion for book selection at best, particularly in the indie horror genre: many “great” books have been shopped around to fellow writers and hangers-on for review who are eager to maintain a friendship instead of providing genuine (and necessary) critical feedback.

With that in mind, here are the five books that I enjoyed the most in 2016.

  • 5. Mortal Gods: Ignition by Paul Hair: A short, punchy anthology of superhero stories that hint at a terrible, dystopian America, and the lengths some superhumans will go to change it, or at least survive. Highlights the ugliness of modern warfare.
  • 4. The Ember War Saga by Richard Fox: Comprised of nine (!) books, this military sci-fi series was a lot of fun to read. I didn’t write an “official” review, but if blowing up aliens is your thing, these nine short novels will keep you entertained.
  • 3. The Well-Built City Trilogy by Jeffrey Ford: A surreal fantasy series about memory, ethics, beauty, and a number of other themes that sometimes made sense and sometimes didn’t. Despite their density, fans of Jonathan Carroll (like me) will enjoy all three books immensely.
  • 2. Dark Gold by David Angsten: I met David online and was impressed by how thoughtful he was, so I picked up a used copy of Dark Gold from Amazon (it’s out of print and not available as an e-book). Some weeks after the purchase, I figured I’d just read a couple pages here and there as time permitted, as I read everything else on my Kindle. It didn’t happen: I was drawn in and wound up spending several hours in a world of cocaine piñatas, bikini bottom-hidden gold coins, and a gigantic sea creature that’s as disquieting as anything I’ve ever read. A fun, fast-paced novel that reminded me of Eric Van Lustbader’s work (without the ninjas and communist apologia).
  • 1. The Final Cut by Jasper Bark: In 2015 I picked Jasper’s Stuck on You and Other Prime Cuts as my favorite read of that year, so I know how it must seem to pick another Jasper Bark book as this year’s favorite. Still, I have to do it because The Final Cut is just so damned good. It’s deep, disturbing, and meaningful, written by someone who’s expert at making you feel what he wants you to feel: a rare skill. It’s not just horror, though it’s horrific. It’s not merely urban fantasy, though it’s fantastic. What it does is straddle the genre line, keeping you turning the pages even as you cringe.

If you’d asked me at the end of last year that I’d be picking these titles as my favorite of 2016, I’d have called you crazy. I can’t wait to see what’s in store for 2017.

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Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: book review, david angsten, horror, jasper bark, paul hair, richard fox, science fiction

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"It began to drizzle rain and he turned on the windshield wipers; they made a great clatter like two idiots clapping in church." --Flannery O'Connor, Wise Blood

"Squop chicken? I never get enough to eat when I eat squop chicken. I told you that when we sat down. You gotta give me that. I told you when we sat down, I said frankly I said this is not my idea of a meal, squop chicken. I'm a big eater." --John O'Hara, BUtterfield 8

I saw the 1977 cartoon The Hobbit as a little boy, and it kindled a love of heroic fantasy that has never left me. Orson Bean's passing is terrible news. Rest in peace.

Obviously, these young people have been poorly served by their parents, but the honest search for practical information should be lauded, not contemned.

You shouldn't look at or use Twitter, and this story is another perfect example. There's so much that's wrong here that it would take a battalion of clergy, philosophers, and psychologists to fully map it out, let alone treat the issue.

This is the advertising copy for Ilana Glazer's stand-up comedy special The Planet Is Burning: "Ilana Glazer‘s debut standup special is trés lol, and turns out - she one funny b. Check out Ilana’s thoughts on partnership, being a successful stoner adult, Nazis, Diva Cups, and more. Hold on to your nuts cuz this hour proves how useless the patriarchy is. For Christ’s sake, The Planet Is Burning, and it’s time a short, queer, hairy New York Jew screams it in your face!" This is written to make you want to watch it.

In the midst of reading books about modern farming, the 6,000 year history of bread, and ancient grains, I found this just-published piece by farmer and scholar Victor Davis Hanson: Remembering the Farming Way.

"I then confront the decreasing power of the movement in order to demonstrate the need for increased theorizations of the reflexive capacities of institutionalized power structures to sustain oppositional education social movements." Yes. Of course.

You should definitely check out Atomickristin's sci-fi story Women in Fridges.

As it turns out, there may yet be some kind of personal cost for attempting to incite a social media mob into violence against a teenage boy you don't know, but decided to hate anyway because reasons.

One of the biggest problems with internet content is that the vast majority of sites don't pay their writers, and it shows in the lack of quality writing. It's hard to find decent writers, and harder to scrape up the cash to pay them. This piece is a shining example of the problem of free content: it's worth what you pay for.

If you're interested in understanding our current cultural insanity, the best primer available is Douglas Murray's The Madness of Crowds. Thoughtful, entertaining, and incisive.

More laws are dumb. More law enforcement is dumb. The only proper response to violence is overwhelming violence. End the assault. There's a rising anti-semitism problem in New York because Jews who act like victims are being victimized by predators. None of these attacks are random. Carry a weapon and practice deploying it under duress. Be alert and aware. I don't understand why the women Tiffany Harris attacked didn't flatten her face into the pavement, but once word gets around that the consequences of violence are grave, the violence will lessen.

When are you assholes going to understand that this stupidity doesn't work any longer? Nobody gives much of a damn if you think we're sexist because we don't want to see a movie you think we should see. It only makes us dislike you that much more, and you started out being an unlikable asshole. Find a new way to shame normal people.

The movie Terms of Endearment still holds up more than 35 years later, and if you're looking for a tearjerker, this is your jam. One element that didn't get a lot of mention is, at the end, when Flap, with a shrug, decides that his mother-in-law will become the mother of his children once Emma dies. He abandons them, and nothing is made of it. This always troubled me.

You need to read this story the next time you feel the urge to complain. And if you need a shot of admiration for another family's courage, check this out.

Progressive political activist and children's author J.K. Rowling finds herself on the wrong side of a mob she helped to create. The Woke Sandwich she's been trying to force-feed others since she earned enough f-you money doesn't taste as good as it looks when she's obliged to take a bite.

I need you to check out The Kohen Chronicles and pray for this family. Their 5-year-old son has cancer.

Currently, the movie Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker stands at 55% at Rotten Tomatoes. Don't forget that these are the same reviewers who not only adored the absolutely execrable The Last Jedi, but insisted that you were a MAGA hat-wearing incel white supremacist manbaby for not loving The Last Jedi. So either The Rise of Skywalker is an objectively bad film, or it simply wasn't woke enough to earn plaudits from our movie-reviewing moral and intellectual betters.

It's easy to hate the older pop bands like Genesis for their popularity, but they were capable of genius, and it shows in No Son of Mine.

If you want to know which identity group has more clout, read this story of the Zola ads on the Hallmark Channel.

Rest in peace, René Auberjonois. I remember you from Benson as a kid. As an adult, I remember you as Janos Audron in the Legacy of Kain video game series. You made every role you were in a classic.

Elf on a Shelf Follies, Part 2:
8-year-old: I wrote the elf a note! I hope he writes back.
Me: What did you write?
8yo: I asked if he has any friends.
Me: What if he says it's none of your business?
8yo: *eyes grow dark and glittering* Then I'll...touch him.
Me: Ah. Mutually assured destruction, then.

Elf on a Shelf Follies, Part 1: My 8-year-old got an Elf on the Shelf the other day. The book it came with tells a story in doggerel about this elf's purpose, which is to spy on the kid and report his doings to Santa Claus, who would then determine if the kid is worthy for Christmas presents this year. The book also said for the kid not to touch him, or the magic would fade, and for the family to give the elf a name. I wanted to name him Stasi. I was outvoted.

Actor Billy Dee Williams calls himself a man or a woman, depending on whim; his character Lando Calrissian is "pansexual," and his writer implies that he'd become intimate with anyone or anything, including, one presumes, a dog, a toaster, or a baby. J.J. Abrams is very concerned about LGBTQ representation in the Star Wars universe. This is Hollywood. This is Star Wars. This is what's important to the people in charge of your cinematic entertainment. Are you not entertained?

The funniest thing on the internet today is the number of people angry over an exercise bike commercial. Public outrage is always funny. Always.

One of the biggest mistakes the United States has ever made since WWII was recruiting for clandestine and federal law enforcement organizations at Ivy League schools. The best talent pools were/are available from local law enforcement and military veterans, with their maturity and, most importantly, field experience. We've been reaping the costs of these terrible decisions for decades, culminating in a hopelessly politicized, sub-competent FBI and CIA.

Watching Fauda seasons 1 and 2 again in preparation for season 3 to be broadcast, one hopes, in early 2020. Here's my back-of-the-matchbook review of season 2.

Every day I try to be grateful for what I have, even in the face of the petty frustrations and troubles that pockmark a day spent outside of one's living room, binge-watching Netflix. We live lives of ease in 21st century America, making it enormously difficult to do anything but take one's countless blessings for granted. Holidays like the just-passed Thanksgiving are helpful reminders. There's a reason why people call the attitude of a thankful heart practicing gratitude, not just feeling grateful. You have to practice it. You have to remind yourself of what you have. It's the work of a lifetime.

Held Back: A Recent Conversation.
8-year-old: Oh, and Jamie was there, too. He was in my first grade class two years ago.
Me: Wasn't he held back a year?
8yo: Yeah. It's because he kept going to the bathroom with the door open.
Me: No way!
8yo: And girls saw.
Me: That's not right. They're not going to hold a kid back a whole year over that.
8yo: Well, that's what he told me.
Me: Sounds fishy.
8yo: I believe him.
~fin~

It's right and good to push a raft of politically correct social justice policies on everything else under the sun, but when social justice invades Hollywood, that's just a bridge too far, says Terry Gilliam. Sorry, Terry: you helped make this sandwich. EAT IT.

Rob Henderson's piece on luxury beliefs will have you nodding your head over and over again...unless you subscribe to these luxury beliefs, in which case you'll get mad.

I've made the Saturday bread from Flour Water Salt Yeast so often that I've memorized the recipe. It never disappoints. Never. The same recipe works well for pizza, too.

Liberty doesn't mean the freedom to do anything you want. The true definition of liberty is the ability to choose the good. Anything less is libertinism.

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