David Dubrow

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      • The Blessed Man and the Witch
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Book Review: Whispering Corridors by Ambrose Ibsen

April 13, 2017 by David Dubrow 2 Comments

Whispering Corridors is a short novel by Ambrose Ibsen that tells the tale of a derelict house haunted by a ghost called the Upside-Down Man, and what happens when two college students try to film a documentary about both house and ghost.

Unfortunately, the premise was better than the execution.

Told in first person, the main character is Eric, a frat boy who has a healthy skepticism of all things supernatural. He’s dragged into this documentary project by his friend Lydia. I use the term “friend” loosely, because at no point in the novel does either character say anything remotely nice to the other. Every exchange is weighted with insult, hostility, or general smartassery, which makes their relationship puzzling. Lydia comes off as mean and unpleasant, with Eric as her punching bag. Literally, at one point:

“I guess so,” I replied, though apparently it wasn’t convincing, because she socked me in the gut. Lydia was pretty tiny, but she could throw a punch with the best of them.

Why does he hang out with her? She hits him and says nasty things to him all the time. Not only are they not having sex, but the subject isn’t even hinted at. So there’s not even any sexual tension to keep their connection interesting.

Eric is himself a strange character, and belongs to the only fraternity in the country that isn’t throwing a Halloween party on Halloween night. He also doesn’t like clubbing. Or hanging out with the other members of the frat. Or meeting co-eds. Or doing any of the things one might expect from a person who goes through the rigmarole of joining a college fraternity. His above-it-all attitude to college life didn’t sit right.

The writing needed work and included a lot of unnecessary verbiage:

Kenwood House looked to me every bit as dismal and uninviting as it had the day before, in the rain. (The whole book is told from your perspective, Eric, so everything looks to you like something. –ed)

It was a wallpapered kitchen; I could tell because the paper was peeling in several places.

…but from up close it was clear to see that she was in some trouble.

You get the picture. It’s not a big deal, but between that, the dialogue tags (“I urged,” “I warned,” etc), and some strange phrasing like, “There appeared to be four rooms on this level, none of them possessed of doors,” the writing took me out of the story.

We don’t learn a lot about the Upside-Down Man, nor do we see much of him at all, so the doom that creeps toward Eric and Lydia is rather toothless. Also, I found it hard to care about what happened to either character. Lydia’s big reveal did nothing to advance the plot or affect events in any meaningful way.

The book just didn’t do it for me. At the time of this writing, Whispering Corridors is available on Amazon Unlimited. Give it a try and tell me what I missed.

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Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: ambrose ibsen, book review, ghosts, horror, whispering corridors

Book Review: Agents of Dreamland

March 16, 2017 by David Dubrow 2 Comments

Caitlin R Kiernan’s Agents of Dreamland is as fun a novella as you’re likely to read about a Lovecraftian apocalypse, especially if you don’t mind the lack of plot or anything actually happening throughout the story.

Much of the novella happens in conversations, reminiscences, and stream-of-consciousness musings from a very unreliable narrator. There’s no action in it to speak of, and the characters are all pretty mysterious. There’s the Signalman, a government agent-type who investigates the kind of bizarre occurrences that trigger the coming apocalypse. There’s also Chloe, a member of a bizarre cult. And there’s Immacolata Sexton, the most enigmatic character of all, who knows what’s going on but tells us little of it.

Part of the fun of the novel involves identifying the various references the author places throughout the text: brain-excised cadavers, strangely-worked cylinders, steps to Deeper Slumber, Slaughterhouse-Five, and more. It helps to know and love Lovecraft’s body of work to understand what’s going on, except when Kiernan goes off-script, like with the character of Immacolata Sexton.

The narrative is stuffed to the gills with description, which is what turns a short story like this into a novella. Some of it’s disturbing, some simply there. There’s no beginning, middle, or end to it, a fact that the author herself mentions near the last chapter of the book. So if you’re looking for a linear, meat-and-potatoes story, you will be disappointed.

Overall, I liked it. Lacking expectations, I had little to be disappointed by, and the writing was clear when it wanted to be and opaque when it served the narrative.

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Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: agents of dreamland, apocalypse, book review, caitlin r kiernan, horror, lovecraft

Celebrate March Madness With The Blessed Man and the Witch!

March 1, 2017 by David Dubrow Leave a Comment

The first novel in my Armageddon series, The Blessed Man and the Witch, is available for free on Amazon from March 1 through March 4!

If you’re a fan of films like The Exorcist and The Omen, where good people struggle against the forces of Hell, this is the novel for you. From the blurb:

How can you possibly prepare for the end of the world? The end of everything? Armageddon is right around the corner, and there’s no guarantee that Heaven’s going to be the victor. Hell is real, it’s clawing at the edges of the Pit, and its demonically possessed servants are right now gathering powerful artifacts as weapons of war. The End Times are coming. Are you ready?

Hector Shaw isn’t. A former soldier suffering from PTSD, he’s been recruited to work for a clandestine security company under strange circumstances. What do they really want him for? Siobhan Dempsey isn’t, either. She’s only just gotten her life together when she finds that she can do magick. Real magick. Why now, and why her?

Connecting multiple characters and building to a shattering climax, this is the first novel in a trilogy focusing on themes of supernatural horror, western occultism, and Biblical apocalypse.

The beginning of an epic story of the end of the world, and it’s available free of charge from March 1 through March 4. This is the good read you’ve been waiting for!

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Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: blessed man and the witch, giveaway, horror, urban fantasy

Movie Review: Trancers III

February 24, 2017 by David Dubrow 1 Comment

(Interested readers can find my review of Trancers here, and my review of Trancers II here.)

The lighthearted humor of the previous movies is nowhere to be found in Trancers III: Deth Lives, making it a darker, more violent film. This presents a tremendous problem, because when a movie takes itself so seriously, the audience is obliged to take it seriously, and neither the story nor the acting in this offering are strong enough to support that. The ponderous grimness of the film doesn’t do the character of Jack Deth any favors, either: before, he was the perfect straight man in a silly set of circumstances. Now he’s a straight man in a dark world, so he doesn’t stand out.

Helen Hunt closes out her character Lena in this movie (and hence ends her association with the series), which is a terrible shame. Tim Thomerson does the best he can with what he’s given, which is enough, apparently, to keep the series going at least a couple more movies after this one. The best performance comes from Andrew Robinson, one of the finest character actors in Hollywood. Here he plays Colonel “Daddy” Muthuh, a psychopathic doctor/mad scientist, and invests his inimitable style of insanity into the role. Everybody else is instantly forgettable.

The plot is simple enough: there’s a Trancer war in the future that the good guys are losing (because all the hard work Jack and Lena and everybody else did in the earlier films didn’t make the least bit of difference, I guess), so Jack Deth is sent physically into the year 2005 to stop the Trancers at their source: Colonel Muthuh’s Trancer experimentation. Colonel Muthuh’s Trancer lab is located underneath a strip club, mostly so there can be a scene of a topless woman with pasties dancing on stage. A bizarre, alien-looking robot called Shark is sent to help Jack, but proves itself mostly useless. Guns are fired. Blood flies. Jack’s time machine has a black-painted apple corer on it. At one point, deliberately invoking his role as Larry from Hellraiser, Andrew Robinson as Colonel Muthuh says, “Come to Daddy.”

I got the impression that there was some kind of social commentary at the core of the story, but I couldn’t suss it out. Steroids are bad? The military is bad? Military people on steroids are bad? It didn’t make sense. Nor did the process of turning someone into a Trancer.

Unfortunately, this entry into the Trancers oeuvre represents a steep drop-off in quality from the previous two. However, if you’re a completist like me, you have to watch it.

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Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: full moon, horror, movie review, science fiction, trancers

Movie Review: Trancers II

February 16, 2017 by David Dubrow Leave a Comment

(Interested readers can check out my review of Trancers, the first movie in the series, here.)

When you’re making an unapologetically low-budget B-movie like Trancers II, you can get away with a whole lot; your audience is expecting cheese, so you might as well serve it up. Huge chunks of plot exposition in the first few minutes? Sure. Rewriting the canon to fit the current plot? Go for it. More mindless violence for the sake of showing exploding blood packets? Oh yeah. This film is the perfect follow-up to Trancers: it’s silly, doesn’t take itself seriously, and expands the Trancers universe just enough to provide an entertaining surprise here and there.

Tim Thomerson continues the role he was born to play: Jack Deth, now the bodyguard to Hap Ashby. Hap’s on the wagon (for the most part), and has become a wealthy commodities broker. Jack’s wife Lena, played by Helen Hunt, complicates things by wanting to buy a house of their own instead of living in Ashby’s palatial estate.

And then Whistler’s brother shows up, Trancers appear, and everything goes to hell.

Yes, it’s Whistler’s brother. Not his son, because it’s funnier to have a character named Whistler’s brother, especially when Whistler’s brother is the leader of a radical environmental cult group bent on taking over the world with herb-fueled zombie Trancers. Remember: this movie was made in the early 90’s, when you could get away with making fun of environmental whackos. Today you’d be thrown in jail as a Global Warming Denier for even considering the script.

While the story is all over the place compared to the first film, Trancers II makes up for it by populating the cast with three B-movie titans: Jeffrey Combs of Reanimator and From Beyond fame as Dr. Pyle; Barbara Crampton (also from Reanimator and From Beyond) in a thankless role as a TV interviewer; and Richard Lynch, who’s been the bad guy in so many movies and television shows that his sere, aquiline visage must haunt the media-fueled nightmares of everyone born before 1975. It does mine, at least.

One of the most remarkable elements of the movie is the bizarre, only-in-science-fiction love triangle that occurs: Jack Deth’s first wife is time-traveled just before her death to stop Whistler’s brother in the past where Jack lives with his second wife Lena. (No, the sentence doesn’t make a lot of sense. Deal.) So now Lena and the first Mrs Deth must share Jack, at least for a little while. This situation is so untenable that Lena shouts, in frustration, “You’re a bigamist, Jack!” But what’s a man to do? In Jack’s timeline he was a widower. Now he’s got two wives to deal with, one of whom has been implanted into a young, nubile teenage body.

More scenes were played for laughs than in the first movie, which is fine: the heavy, apocalyptic theme could use a little lightening. The baseball game with the drunks wasn’t as funny as intended. The exploding ham was hilarious because food is always funny. The Long Second Watch now includes a Tapback feature, which you’ll have to see to believe. Mcnulty returns as an even more obnoxious teenager. People inexplicably and instantly turn into Trancers, and disappear exactly like The Invaders when Jack shoots them to death. The final confrontation makes little sense.

It’s a great sequel. Did you like Trancers? You’ll dig Trancers II.

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Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: charles band, horror, movie review, science fiction, trancers, trancers 2

Beneath the Ziggurat: Alternate Cover

February 13, 2017 by David Dubrow Leave a Comment

My younger brother enjoyed my Kindle Single Beneath the Ziggurat so much that he was inspired to craft a new cover, featuring a well-known character that he says resembles a figure from the story’s climax.

While it’s missing David Angsten‘s wonderful blurb, this new cover does tell you the price up front, which is a powerful sales tool. Once my legal representation has gotten permission from Nickelodeon to use their copyrighted character, I look forward to changing the cover to this new image.

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Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: beneath the ziggurat, horror, humor, me me me, short fiction

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"It began to drizzle rain and he turned on the windshield wipers; they made a great clatter like two idiots clapping in church." --Flannery O'Connor, Wise Blood

"Squop chicken? I never get enough to eat when I eat squop chicken. I told you that when we sat down. You gotta give me that. I told you when we sat down, I said frankly I said this is not my idea of a meal, squop chicken. I'm a big eater." --John O'Hara, BUtterfield 8

I saw the 1977 cartoon The Hobbit as a little boy, and it kindled a love of heroic fantasy that has never left me. Orson Bean's passing is terrible news. Rest in peace.

Obviously, these young people have been poorly served by their parents, but the honest search for practical information should be lauded, not contemned.

You shouldn't look at or use Twitter, and this story is another perfect example. There's so much that's wrong here that it would take a battalion of clergy, philosophers, and psychologists to fully map it out, let alone treat the issue.

This is the advertising copy for Ilana Glazer's stand-up comedy special The Planet Is Burning: "Ilana Glazer‘s debut standup special is trés lol, and turns out - she one funny b. Check out Ilana’s thoughts on partnership, being a successful stoner adult, Nazis, Diva Cups, and more. Hold on to your nuts cuz this hour proves how useless the patriarchy is. For Christ’s sake, The Planet Is Burning, and it’s time a short, queer, hairy New York Jew screams it in your face!" This is written to make you want to watch it.

In the midst of reading books about modern farming, the 6,000 year history of bread, and ancient grains, I found this just-published piece by farmer and scholar Victor Davis Hanson: Remembering the Farming Way.

"I then confront the decreasing power of the movement in order to demonstrate the need for increased theorizations of the reflexive capacities of institutionalized power structures to sustain oppositional education social movements." Yes. Of course.

You should definitely check out Atomickristin's sci-fi story Women in Fridges.

As it turns out, there may yet be some kind of personal cost for attempting to incite a social media mob into violence against a teenage boy you don't know, but decided to hate anyway because reasons.

One of the biggest problems with internet content is that the vast majority of sites don't pay their writers, and it shows in the lack of quality writing. It's hard to find decent writers, and harder to scrape up the cash to pay them. This piece is a shining example of the problem of free content: it's worth what you pay for.

If you're interested in understanding our current cultural insanity, the best primer available is Douglas Murray's The Madness of Crowds. Thoughtful, entertaining, and incisive.

More laws are dumb. More law enforcement is dumb. The only proper response to violence is overwhelming violence. End the assault. There's a rising anti-semitism problem in New York because Jews who act like victims are being victimized by predators. None of these attacks are random. Carry a weapon and practice deploying it under duress. Be alert and aware. I don't understand why the women Tiffany Harris attacked didn't flatten her face into the pavement, but once word gets around that the consequences of violence are grave, the violence will lessen.

When are you assholes going to understand that this stupidity doesn't work any longer? Nobody gives much of a damn if you think we're sexist because we don't want to see a movie you think we should see. It only makes us dislike you that much more, and you started out being an unlikable asshole. Find a new way to shame normal people.

The movie Terms of Endearment still holds up more than 35 years later, and if you're looking for a tearjerker, this is your jam. One element that didn't get a lot of mention is, at the end, when Flap, with a shrug, decides that his mother-in-law will become the mother of his children once Emma dies. He abandons them, and nothing is made of it. This always troubled me.

You need to read this story the next time you feel the urge to complain. And if you need a shot of admiration for another family's courage, check this out.

Progressive political activist and children's author J.K. Rowling finds herself on the wrong side of a mob she helped to create. The Woke Sandwich she's been trying to force-feed others since she earned enough f-you money doesn't taste as good as it looks when she's obliged to take a bite.

I need you to check out The Kohen Chronicles and pray for this family. Their 5-year-old son has cancer.

Currently, the movie Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker stands at 55% at Rotten Tomatoes. Don't forget that these are the same reviewers who not only adored the absolutely execrable The Last Jedi, but insisted that you were a MAGA hat-wearing incel white supremacist manbaby for not loving The Last Jedi. So either The Rise of Skywalker is an objectively bad film, or it simply wasn't woke enough to earn plaudits from our movie-reviewing moral and intellectual betters.

It's easy to hate the older pop bands like Genesis for their popularity, but they were capable of genius, and it shows in No Son of Mine.

If you want to know which identity group has more clout, read this story of the Zola ads on the Hallmark Channel.

Rest in peace, René Auberjonois. I remember you from Benson as a kid. As an adult, I remember you as Janos Audron in the Legacy of Kain video game series. You made every role you were in a classic.

Elf on a Shelf Follies, Part 2:
8-year-old: I wrote the elf a note! I hope he writes back.
Me: What did you write?
8yo: I asked if he has any friends.
Me: What if he says it's none of your business?
8yo: *eyes grow dark and glittering* Then I'll...touch him.
Me: Ah. Mutually assured destruction, then.

Elf on a Shelf Follies, Part 1: My 8-year-old got an Elf on the Shelf the other day. The book it came with tells a story in doggerel about this elf's purpose, which is to spy on the kid and report his doings to Santa Claus, who would then determine if the kid is worthy for Christmas presents this year. The book also said for the kid not to touch him, or the magic would fade, and for the family to give the elf a name. I wanted to name him Stasi. I was outvoted.

Actor Billy Dee Williams calls himself a man or a woman, depending on whim; his character Lando Calrissian is "pansexual," and his writer implies that he'd become intimate with anyone or anything, including, one presumes, a dog, a toaster, or a baby. J.J. Abrams is very concerned about LGBTQ representation in the Star Wars universe. This is Hollywood. This is Star Wars. This is what's important to the people in charge of your cinematic entertainment. Are you not entertained?

The funniest thing on the internet today is the number of people angry over an exercise bike commercial. Public outrage is always funny. Always.

One of the biggest mistakes the United States has ever made since WWII was recruiting for clandestine and federal law enforcement organizations at Ivy League schools. The best talent pools were/are available from local law enforcement and military veterans, with their maturity and, most importantly, field experience. We've been reaping the costs of these terrible decisions for decades, culminating in a hopelessly politicized, sub-competent FBI and CIA.

Watching Fauda seasons 1 and 2 again in preparation for season 3 to be broadcast, one hopes, in early 2020. Here's my back-of-the-matchbook review of season 2.

Every day I try to be grateful for what I have, even in the face of the petty frustrations and troubles that pockmark a day spent outside of one's living room, binge-watching Netflix. We live lives of ease in 21st century America, making it enormously difficult to do anything but take one's countless blessings for granted. Holidays like the just-passed Thanksgiving are helpful reminders. There's a reason why people call the attitude of a thankful heart practicing gratitude, not just feeling grateful. You have to practice it. You have to remind yourself of what you have. It's the work of a lifetime.

Held Back: A Recent Conversation.
8-year-old: Oh, and Jamie was there, too. He was in my first grade class two years ago.
Me: Wasn't he held back a year?
8yo: Yeah. It's because he kept going to the bathroom with the door open.
Me: No way!
8yo: And girls saw.
Me: That's not right. They're not going to hold a kid back a whole year over that.
8yo: Well, that's what he told me.
Me: Sounds fishy.
8yo: I believe him.
~fin~

It's right and good to push a raft of politically correct social justice policies on everything else under the sun, but when social justice invades Hollywood, that's just a bridge too far, says Terry Gilliam. Sorry, Terry: you helped make this sandwich. EAT IT.

Rob Henderson's piece on luxury beliefs will have you nodding your head over and over again...unless you subscribe to these luxury beliefs, in which case you'll get mad.

I've made the Saturday bread from Flour Water Salt Yeast so often that I've memorized the recipe. It never disappoints. Never. The same recipe works well for pizza, too.

Liberty doesn't mean the freedom to do anything you want. The true definition of liberty is the ability to choose the good. Anything less is libertinism.

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