David Dubrow

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Doings

September 19, 2014 by David Dubrow Leave a Comment

Breadhead Friday’s canceled this week, though next week’s should be quite extraordinary.

Earlier this week, I volunteered to write a short YA horror novel based in and around the town of Dunedin, in Florida.  Some of the local teenagers will be featured as characters in the novel.  My intent is to have this written before Halloween, when the events of the novel take place.

It’s proving to be a more difficult task than I originally considered, but I’m getting a handle on it.  I hope to have the outline done by the middle of next week.

My experience with YA literature is limited, so I’ve done a good bit of reading and research in the meantime.  Obviously, I can’t use blue language the way I’ve done in The Blessed Man and the Witch, and certain horrific elements will have to be avoided.  Nevertheless, I won’t talk down to the readers, and I’m writing a story that I hope will be gripping, exciting, and worth reading for everyone, regardless of age.

This will be available as a download free of charge once it’s complete.

Got to get back to work.  As my little boy says, usually apropos of nothing at all, “Tick tock!”

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Filed Under: dunedin, horror, teens, too much on my plate, volunteer, writing

Anecdotes

September 17, 2014 by David Dubrow Leave a Comment

Memory is a tricky thing.  Trying to remember something is often like transferring water from one bucket to the other using a sieve, and the older the memory, the longer the distance between buckets.  When people see us with our little boy, they always say, “Treasure this time, because they grow up so fast.”  There are already things about his short life I don’t remember and have to be reminded of: his first word (“kitty”), his first slice of pizza (an important event in our pizza-loving household), when he started to walk (ten months).

This post is intended to jog my memory of certain events so that they’re not lost forever.  At the time they were funny or meaningful in some way.  Days, weeks or months later, they will lose their luster, and soon I’ll forget them.

We were playing with Legos the other day.  At his age, he has the larger Legos (Lego Duplo).  His mother had built a little boat, and he was building a crane.  I sat and watched: there are only so many Legos to go around, and it’s fascinating to watch the two people I love most in the world doing something creative.
Suddenly, he got a look of great concentration on his face.
I asked, “What’s wrong, kiddo?”
He turned to me, said urgently, “I have to make poopies!” and ran to the bathroom.
We laughed about that for the rest of the day.

###

This morning, as I was putting his bag by the garage door so we wouldn’t forget it when I took him to preschool, I heard him call out, “Daddy!  What’s this?”  I went over and saw him in the bedroom hallway, pointing to something at the threshold of his bedroom door.
It was a snake.  A very small brown snake.  It was something that should not have been there.  Its very presence was not just unwelcome, but surreal.  I’m not particularly afraid of snakes, but you don’t expect to see one indoors at 7:20 AM.
“Well,” I said, keeping my voice calm, “It’s a snake.  That’s definitely a snake.”
“Why’s it there?”
“I don’t know, but it’s got to go.”
The snake was very much alive.  Its tiny tongue flickered out, scenting.  After a few minutes of follies with my wife trying to wrangle it into a plastic container with a sheet of printer paper, I picked it up with oven mitts and tossed it outside.
Nobody knows how it got in.

###

On his Leapfrog there’s a game/book thing called “First Day of Kindergarten.”  It has songs and activities and such, and it describes the first day of kindergarten for four students.  One of the students is a Latina girl named Pilar.
Several months ago, as a joke, I called him Pilar, and he said, immediately, “No me Pilar!”
So it became a game, of sorts, where during a conversation I’d call him Pilar, and he would always come back with, “No me Pilar!”  Always.  Even if I said, “Oh, sorry, Pilar,” he’d retort with “No me Pilar!”  Same tone of voice, same response.  Every time.
Yesterday, I called him Pilar, and he said, “I’m not Pilar.”  It was kind of sad.  I couldn’t get him to say, “No me Pilar.”  He knows how to say it properly now.  That’s over.
However, he still says, “yogret” instead of “yogurt.”  So there’s that.

###

There’s nobody he won’t say hi to.  His mother and I are introverts.  Polite, courteous, but we keep our cards close to the vest.  He’s the opposite.  He needs attention, especially from strangers.
When we were at the beach, there was a young woman walking along, reading aloud from a book that wasn’t the Bible.  She seemed very intent on what she was doing.  It’s a little strange to see someone reading aloud in public.  If she’s carrying a Bible, you automatically assume she’s in some form of prayer.  If she’s carrying Divergent, well, it’s odd.
For reasons of his own, he got up from the mud castle we were building in the wet sand, ran alongside her, and said hi until she noticed him.  She took her face out of the book, smiled genuinely at him, and said hi back.
In that moment, she went from being a little off, a little disconcerting, to beautiful.  Then he came back, we waved to her, and she continued her walk.

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Filed Under: anecdotes, parenthood

Breadhead Friday: Who Put the Bab in Babka?

September 12, 2014 by David Dubrow Leave a Comment

Babka straddles the line between yeast bread and coffee cake, and when done right can be the best of both worlds.  New Yorkers are lucky enough to be able to get them at the corner bakery, but those of us living outside the Big Apple usually have to make our own.  The first time I made a babka, using a Peter Reinhart recipe, it turned out okay, but wasn’t anything to write home about.  I’d done it, checked that box, and moved on.

Dough rolled out and chocolate filling spread atop

Years later, I figured I’d try it again.  This time, it turned out a lot better.  The crumb was flaky and light, and the icing drizzle created a nice sweetness that contrasted with the bittersweet chocolate.

Rolled up, put into a Bundt pan, and baked

The process is a bit involved, requiring long risings and a bit of a challenge shaping, but if you’ve ever made a jelly roll or sticky buns, it shouldn’t present much of a problem.

Blue and white icing

I don’t know why I put a two-tone icing drizzle on it.

The crumb shot

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Filed Under: babka, bread, breadhead friday, cake

Celebrity Selfie Hack: Eight Things You Need to Think About

September 8, 2014 by David Dubrow Leave a Comment

Over the years, I worked closely with many police officers, combat veterans, martial artists, and self-defense experts, learning about what they did to put food on the table.  When discussing violent encounters, the prevailing attitude was, “It’s awful that X happened, but it’s worse if we don’t learn from it.”

It’s a self-evident form of pragmatism that can be applied to anything that went wrong.

With that in mind, let’s take a look at the commentary on the recent celebrity selfie hack.  Not the story itself, because the facts are already out there, but the commentary on it, which demonstrates a lack of willingness to address real-life concerns.

  1. There’s no need to burnish one’s moral bona fides by declaring that anyone should be allowed to take any picture of oneself of any kind without fear of the picture being stolen.  It takes no moral courage at all to insist that theft is wrong.
  2. There’s nothing wrong in saying that, for security’s sake, you shouldn’t put your nude selfies anywhere you don’t directly control, like the cloud.  By saying so, it doesn’t mean that you condone the hackers’ actions in stealing those selfies.  It also doesn’t mean that you think the people whose privacy was violated deserved it.  Pointing out an error is a way of ensuring that the error isn’t repeated.
  3. The very nature of personal security is that it’s inconvenient.  If it wasn’t inconvenient, it wouldn’t be security.  Real security, the kind that comes before house keys and passwords, involves a mindset that acknowledges this inconvenience and works with it.  It requires a decision-making process that doesn’t include putting nude photos of oneself on a server that can potentially be hacked (which is all servers).
  4. Celebrities, due to many factors that don’t need to be discussed, are at greater risk than the rest of us.  Failure to acknowledge this is ludicrous.  They were profiled, targeted, and hit.  
  5. There are significant differences between being physically assaulted and robbed vs having one’s naked selfies stolen.  Moral preening about both being terrible so we can conflate them is just that: preening.  
  6. This wasn’t rape.  Every comparison of having one’s nude selfies stolen to forcible penetration demeans those individuals who have actually been raped.  Just as every terrible thing that has happened isn’t the Holocaust, every theft of nude selfies isn’t rape.
  7. Discussing what someone did to put him or herself at risk isn’t blaming the victim.  Refusal to learn from others’ actions is a childish way of viewing the world.
  8. There’s nothing wrong with deciding that of all the things we’re supposed to be outraged by, this case isn’t a priority.  It doesn’t make you evil.  If learning that Jennifer Lawrence’s personal privacy was violated by hackers doesn’t peg your Outrage Meter, fine.  Don’t let anyone tell you how you should feel.
If nothing else, you should consider pulling your nude selfies out of the cloud and transferring them to Polaroids that can be safely hidden under the mattress.
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Filed Under: celebrity, hacking, lessons learned, personal security, security

Breadhead Friday: Focaccia

September 5, 2014 by David Dubrow Leave a Comment

The only experience most of us will have with focaccia is a dry piece flatbread served at chain restaurants as an Italian-style appetizer or part of a more ambitious bread basket.  Which is a shame, because properly prepared, there are few things in the world more delicious than focaccia.  Moist with herb oil and a tender, almost creamy crumb, you won’t believe how good it can be.

By properly prepared, I mean you need to have a high hydration dough to get this to work (75%-80%).  The recipe I use is very similar to this raisin bread recipe, though I obviously leave out the dried fruit for more savory ingredients.

Before baking. Sliced tomatoes and plenty of herb oil

After baking: note the char. The herb oil cooks the tomatoes a little, too

A word of explanation about percentages: a 75-80% hydration dough means that if the weight of flour equals 100%, you need to have 75-80% of that weight in water, also.  So if you add a pound of flour, you have to add .75 or .85 lbs of water.  A more detailed explanation of baker’s percentage can be found here.

Pepperoni pizza focaccia

Typically, I treat it like a pizza, and put various toppings on it.  We’d have it more often, but it’s a bit time-consuming to make: lots of time and care.  But it’s worth it.  Every delicious bite.  Make some.  You won’t regret it.

Left: tomatoes and cheese. Right: tomatoes, sauteed onions and cheese

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Filed Under: breadhead friday, focaccia, pizza

News Analysis: Studies in Negligence and Danger-Seeking

September 1, 2014 by David Dubrow Leave a Comment

There are two stories that hit the wire last week, and each need to be discussed with an eye toward pragmatic analysis rather than hyperbole.

The first is the story of the firearms instructor who had been killed on the range by a 9-year-old girl with an Uzi submachine gun.  We’re going to ignore media bias for the purposes of this discussion: how the story has been reported, and why certain words were used to describe the incident.

The bottom line is that the range instructor was negligent.  He killed himself, ruined that young girl’s life, and caused irreparable damage to both his family and the girl’s.  What he was thinking is something we’ll never know, though I’m reasonably sure it was a variant of, “We’ve never had a problem before.”

One thing serious shooters understand early on is that there are no such things as accidental shootings.  Any time a bullet leaves the barrel in a direction it wasn’t meant to go, it means that the shooter (or in this case, the instructor) was negligent.  He ignored one or more of the four basic rules of firearms handling.  They are:

  1. All guns are always loaded.
  2. Never point the weapon at anything you don’t intend to destroy.
  3. Keep your finger off the trigger until your sights are on the target.
  4. Always be aware of your target and what’s around and behind it.
In this case, Charles Vacca put the enforcement of those basic rules on the shoulders of someone incapable of obeying them: a 9-year-old girl.  And he died as a result of that horrible mistake.  She couldn’t handle the weapon properly.
Imagine driving down the road and almost hitting somebody.  Your mind goes through all the awful scenarios, and you feel terrible about what might have happened.  But there’s some relief there, too, because it didn’t happen.  The 9-year-old won’t ever have that relief.  Nor will her family.  
I am not blaming the victim, because the victim is the 9-year-old.  
The next story involves a former Marine and his Air Force buddy who were beaten outside of a Waffle House in Mississippi.  The Marine, Ralph Weems, had been critically injured as a result of the beating.  Here’s the most important part of the story:
“The Associated Press reports that Weems went to a Waffle House early Saturday. His friend David Knighten, an Air Force veteran of the Afghanistan war who was with him, told reporters that a man told him politely outside the restaurant that it wasn’t a safe place for whites, because people were upset by the killing of 18-year-old Michael Brown in Ferguson, Mo.”
Nevertheless, Weems and Knighten went in there.
Why?
We all know how the world should be.  It should be perfectly okay for anyone to walk down any neighborhood anywhere at any time of day and not fear being victimized.  But it isn’t.  It clearly isn’t.  Until we get to that point, we need to act with a modicum of caution and, dare I say it, situational awareness.  
For whatever reason, Weems and Knighten decided to ignore a perfectly reasonable warning, and suffered injury as a result.  You know how in horror movies, there’s that one character who opens the door he definitely shouldn’t, and you think to yourself, What a dumbass.  I would never do that?  Weems and Knighten went through that door.  
That didn’t have to happen.  It’s as if they were asking to get beaten up.  Nobody’s arguing that they deserved it, or that beating up strangers is a justifiable way of expressing frustration about race relations in the United States.  That’s stupid.  But what’s equally stupid is ignoring the world in which we live.
The best self-defense techniques always begin with awareness, avoidance, and de-escalation.  Weems and Knighten were apparently unaware of danger (despite being warned about it), they went toward the danger rather than avoiding it, and they didn’t de-escalate the situation by fleeing when danger was imminent.
Don’t do what they did.  Be smart.
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Filed Under: critical conversations, don't go through that door, guns, negligence, news, self-defense

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"It began to drizzle rain and he turned on the windshield wipers; they made a great clatter like two idiots clapping in church." --Flannery O'Connor, Wise Blood

"Squop chicken? I never get enough to eat when I eat squop chicken. I told you that when we sat down. You gotta give me that. I told you when we sat down, I said frankly I said this is not my idea of a meal, squop chicken. I'm a big eater." --John O'Hara, BUtterfield 8

I saw the 1977 cartoon The Hobbit as a little boy, and it kindled a love of heroic fantasy that has never left me. Orson Bean's passing is terrible news. Rest in peace.

Obviously, these young people have been poorly served by their parents, but the honest search for practical information should be lauded, not contemned.

You shouldn't look at or use Twitter, and this story is another perfect example. There's so much that's wrong here that it would take a battalion of clergy, philosophers, and psychologists to fully map it out, let alone treat the issue.

This is the advertising copy for Ilana Glazer's stand-up comedy special The Planet Is Burning: "Ilana Glazer‘s debut standup special is trés lol, and turns out - she one funny b. Check out Ilana’s thoughts on partnership, being a successful stoner adult, Nazis, Diva Cups, and more. Hold on to your nuts cuz this hour proves how useless the patriarchy is. For Christ’s sake, The Planet Is Burning, and it’s time a short, queer, hairy New York Jew screams it in your face!" This is written to make you want to watch it.

In the midst of reading books about modern farming, the 6,000 year history of bread, and ancient grains, I found this just-published piece by farmer and scholar Victor Davis Hanson: Remembering the Farming Way.

"I then confront the decreasing power of the movement in order to demonstrate the need for increased theorizations of the reflexive capacities of institutionalized power structures to sustain oppositional education social movements." Yes. Of course.

You should definitely check out Atomickristin's sci-fi story Women in Fridges.

As it turns out, there may yet be some kind of personal cost for attempting to incite a social media mob into violence against a teenage boy you don't know, but decided to hate anyway because reasons.

One of the biggest problems with internet content is that the vast majority of sites don't pay their writers, and it shows in the lack of quality writing. It's hard to find decent writers, and harder to scrape up the cash to pay them. This piece is a shining example of the problem of free content: it's worth what you pay for.

If you're interested in understanding our current cultural insanity, the best primer available is Douglas Murray's The Madness of Crowds. Thoughtful, entertaining, and incisive.

More laws are dumb. More law enforcement is dumb. The only proper response to violence is overwhelming violence. End the assault. There's a rising anti-semitism problem in New York because Jews who act like victims are being victimized by predators. None of these attacks are random. Carry a weapon and practice deploying it under duress. Be alert and aware. I don't understand why the women Tiffany Harris attacked didn't flatten her face into the pavement, but once word gets around that the consequences of violence are grave, the violence will lessen.

When are you assholes going to understand that this stupidity doesn't work any longer? Nobody gives much of a damn if you think we're sexist because we don't want to see a movie you think we should see. It only makes us dislike you that much more, and you started out being an unlikable asshole. Find a new way to shame normal people.

The movie Terms of Endearment still holds up more than 35 years later, and if you're looking for a tearjerker, this is your jam. One element that didn't get a lot of mention is, at the end, when Flap, with a shrug, decides that his mother-in-law will become the mother of his children once Emma dies. He abandons them, and nothing is made of it. This always troubled me.

You need to read this story the next time you feel the urge to complain. And if you need a shot of admiration for another family's courage, check this out.

Progressive political activist and children's author J.K. Rowling finds herself on the wrong side of a mob she helped to create. The Woke Sandwich she's been trying to force-feed others since she earned enough f-you money doesn't taste as good as it looks when she's obliged to take a bite.

I need you to check out The Kohen Chronicles and pray for this family. Their 5-year-old son has cancer.

Currently, the movie Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker stands at 55% at Rotten Tomatoes. Don't forget that these are the same reviewers who not only adored the absolutely execrable The Last Jedi, but insisted that you were a MAGA hat-wearing incel white supremacist manbaby for not loving The Last Jedi. So either The Rise of Skywalker is an objectively bad film, or it simply wasn't woke enough to earn plaudits from our movie-reviewing moral and intellectual betters.

It's easy to hate the older pop bands like Genesis for their popularity, but they were capable of genius, and it shows in No Son of Mine.

If you want to know which identity group has more clout, read this story of the Zola ads on the Hallmark Channel.

Rest in peace, René Auberjonois. I remember you from Benson as a kid. As an adult, I remember you as Janos Audron in the Legacy of Kain video game series. You made every role you were in a classic.

Elf on a Shelf Follies, Part 2:
8-year-old: I wrote the elf a note! I hope he writes back.
Me: What did you write?
8yo: I asked if he has any friends.
Me: What if he says it's none of your business?
8yo: *eyes grow dark and glittering* Then I'll...touch him.
Me: Ah. Mutually assured destruction, then.

Elf on a Shelf Follies, Part 1: My 8-year-old got an Elf on the Shelf the other day. The book it came with tells a story in doggerel about this elf's purpose, which is to spy on the kid and report his doings to Santa Claus, who would then determine if the kid is worthy for Christmas presents this year. The book also said for the kid not to touch him, or the magic would fade, and for the family to give the elf a name. I wanted to name him Stasi. I was outvoted.

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The funniest thing on the internet today is the number of people angry over an exercise bike commercial. Public outrage is always funny. Always.

One of the biggest mistakes the United States has ever made since WWII was recruiting for clandestine and federal law enforcement organizations at Ivy League schools. The best talent pools were/are available from local law enforcement and military veterans, with their maturity and, most importantly, field experience. We've been reaping the costs of these terrible decisions for decades, culminating in a hopelessly politicized, sub-competent FBI and CIA.

Watching Fauda seasons 1 and 2 again in preparation for season 3 to be broadcast, one hopes, in early 2020. Here's my back-of-the-matchbook review of season 2.

Every day I try to be grateful for what I have, even in the face of the petty frustrations and troubles that pockmark a day spent outside of one's living room, binge-watching Netflix. We live lives of ease in 21st century America, making it enormously difficult to do anything but take one's countless blessings for granted. Holidays like the just-passed Thanksgiving are helpful reminders. There's a reason why people call the attitude of a thankful heart practicing gratitude, not just feeling grateful. You have to practice it. You have to remind yourself of what you have. It's the work of a lifetime.

Held Back: A Recent Conversation.
8-year-old: Oh, and Jamie was there, too. He was in my first grade class two years ago.
Me: Wasn't he held back a year?
8yo: Yeah. It's because he kept going to the bathroom with the door open.
Me: No way!
8yo: And girls saw.
Me: That's not right. They're not going to hold a kid back a whole year over that.
8yo: Well, that's what he told me.
Me: Sounds fishy.
8yo: I believe him.
~fin~

It's right and good to push a raft of politically correct social justice policies on everything else under the sun, but when social justice invades Hollywood, that's just a bridge too far, says Terry Gilliam. Sorry, Terry: you helped make this sandwich. EAT IT.

Rob Henderson's piece on luxury beliefs will have you nodding your head over and over again...unless you subscribe to these luxury beliefs, in which case you'll get mad.

I've made the Saturday bread from Flour Water Salt Yeast so often that I've memorized the recipe. It never disappoints. Never. The same recipe works well for pizza, too.

Liberty doesn't mean the freedom to do anything you want. The true definition of liberty is the ability to choose the good. Anything less is libertinism.

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