David Dubrow

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      • The Blessed Man and the Witch
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Book Review: Chrysalis

January 24, 2017 by David Dubrow 4 Comments

Ray Zacek’s short story Chrysalis packs a lot of plot into a brief package. It releases its disturbing secrets slowly, inch by inch, line by line, and by the time Zacek has opened the kimono all the way, you’ll be ready to run screaming.

Coffman, the protagonist, is as much a cipher as the mystery he’s driven into the dilapidated town of Leclerc to investigate: who, exactly, does he work for? And why are the bodies in this “Somalia on the Mississippi” piling up? As the story unfolds and things get weirder, the unflappable, enigmatic Coffman seems equal to the challenge…until he isn’t.

Zacek’s talent for snappy dialogue, ably demonstrated in his short story The Tatman, is in evidence here: everyone’s got a reason for what they say and how they say it, which is the essence of good characterization. Secret agendas lurk behind every exchange, adding to the atmosphere.

If I have any complaints, it’s that the story’s too short. Zacek hints of greater things afoot, but we don’t get to see them. Which is a shame, because this is a world you’ll definitely want to return to. Let’s hope the author’s got more Chrysalis stories coming down the pike…or in this case, sliding out of a morgue’s chilly drawer.

At the time of this writing, Chrysalis is free on Amazon. Get your copy ASAP!

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Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: book review, chrysalis, horror, ray zacek

You Deserve Better Than Star Dreck

January 19, 2017 by David Dubrow Leave a Comment

My newest piece for The Loftus Party discusses the two largest science fiction franchises still in business: Star Trek and Star Wars:

The reboot of the Star Trek movie franchise is horrible. Absolutely horrible. The reimagined characters lack the discipline, integrity, and charm of the originals. Nichelle Nichols’ Uhura was brave, beautiful, and competent in a way that made her character realistic. Zoe Saldana’s Uhura is a man in a dress who kicks alien ass and bangs Vulcans. The first reboot film was only watchable because it had Leonard Nimoy in it. The second was an appalling Truther allegory that wasted the potentially frightening character of Khan. And the third, Star Trek Beyond, was incomprehensible, with an antagonist that made no sense in anything he did, a plot that was thinner than truck stop toilet paper, and a series of unfunny joke lines that masqueraded as dialogue.

This piece will make you angry…about the truth. Click to become offended and enlightened all at once.

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Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: loftus party, science fiction, star trek, star wars

Beneath the Ziggurat: The Rest of the Story

January 12, 2017 by David Dubrow 6 Comments

Whenever I have to make one of those dumb lists of all-time favorite books I’ve ever read, Gary Jennings’s Aztec usually finds itself in the top five. I found the novel in my parents’ bookshelf in the late 1980’s: it was a huge, white hardback tome, utterly different from the Leon Uris, Lawrence Sanders, and Philip Roth novels that surrounded it. At the time I was in a dry spell between Stephen King and Clive Barker books, so I turned to the first page and fell completely inside.

(What’s funny is that my dad, whose book it was, didn’t even like it very much.)

Aztec sparked an interest in historical fiction and pre-Columbian history that continues to this day. As a completist, I had to get the entire Jennings oeuvre: Spangle, The Journeyer, Raptor, Aztec Autumn. And thence to Mika Waltari’s The Egyptian, and…you know how it goes. You ever read something in a new genre that’s so good that it spoils you, and nothing else can quite compare? That’s what happened with me and Aztec. Mary Renault, James Michener, Bernard Cornwell: they’re great, but not Jennings great. Except for Ken Follett.

A couple of years ago, when I was momentarily stalled on the first draft of The Nephilim and the False Prophet, I found an ad from a publisher looking for horror-themed short stories. The story criteria intrigued me with one caveat, so I outlined the bare bones of what would become Beneath the Ziggurat: a Lovecraftian tale of pre-Columbian Mexico. The caveat wasn’t that troubling: the publishers specifically encouraged white men to submit stories, and I fit the bill, so I was a shoe-in.

Or so I thought. As it turned out I got a nice rejection letter, saying that the story wasn’t quite what they were looking for.

Obviously that’s a disappointment, but you swallow it and move on. I shelved the story for the time being and finished The Nephilim and the False Prophet. A year later I gave the story in a non-exclusive format to Jasper Bark as electronic bonus content for his graphic novel project Beyond Lovecraft; the lucky people who donated a certain amount to Beyond Lovecraft‘s Indiegogo campaign will get to read it in PDF form once it’s out.

I always thought it was too good a story to bury or let languish, despite its earlier rejection, so I decided I would release it as a Kindle Single, with an original cover. And, well, there you have it-

Huh. Wait. Going over what I just wrote, I found I made an embarrassing typo. When I said that the publisher specifically encouraged white men to submit stories, I erred. The publisher had actually made it a point to encourage women and people of color to submit stories.

That’s racism. When a publisher tells you that it’s encouraging people of a certain skin color to submit work, they’re acting on a racist impulse. And now that we’re in a culture that has redefined gender as a “social construct,” it doesn’t matter who’s a man and who’s a woman: it matters what sex you say you are. How you identify. So sexism’s no longer a thing, right? I’m not sure. The rules are so plastic.

Somehow it’s become acceptable to discriminate against white people, particularly white men. Check out this post, written close to two years ago: our culture has somehow devolved since then. Writing off an individual because of immutable, innate characteristics like skin color is the essence of racism, whether that individual’s a white man or not.

If you’re at all interested in stopping racial or gender discrimination, don’t write stories for publishers who consider skin color or sex organs in their submission criteria. Don’t read stories from these publishers. Don’t do business with racists and sexists.

I’d have preferred to just talk about my love of pre-Columbian history and Gary Jennings, but when things like racial discrimination turn up, I have to address them. If you sit back and say nothing you’re accepting it, tacitly or otherwise. Discrimination against people of any skin color or ethnicity is wrong, and it’s ludicrous for me to have to point this out. But that’s what’s happening to our culture, including the publishing industry.

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Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: beneath the ziggurat, horror, lovecraft, racism, sjw, the rest of the story

New Kindle Single: Beneath the Ziggurat

January 9, 2017 by David Dubrow Leave a Comment

I’ve released a new short story, available on Kindle: Beneath the Ziggurat. It’s a Lovecraft-inspired tale that takes place in pre-Columbian Mexico, not long after the fall of the Aztecs at the hands of the Spanish:

Beneath the Ziggurat takes the reader on a Lovecraftian journey through pre-Columbian Mexico, where dread lurks behind every step of rainforest and the old gods still hold terrible sway. Descend into a nightmare of brutal Spanish conquistadors, bizarre aboriginal tribes, and unspeakable alien horrors in a tale that David Angsten, author of Dark Gold and Night of the Furies lauded as “an instant, timeless, phantasmagoric classic.”

Jason Berry of The Mad Ravings of an Entertainment Junkie said of it, “I honestly do not see a way that this story could be improved – it is that good!”

It’s available right now from Amazon, so pick up your copy today!

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Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: horror, lovecraft, short fiction

Book Review: Lagoon by Nnedi Okorafor

January 3, 2017 by David Dubrow 2 Comments

Combining a half-baked species of magical realism with high-minded science fiction, Nnedi Okorafor’s Lagoon sits in an uneasy twilight of muddled themes that don’t quite coalesce into a coherent story. In many respects the novel serves as a love letter to a fictional Lagos, Nigeria, with sentient spiders, aquatic monsters, and magically-enhanced protagonists fighting for attention in the context of awakening gods and visiting space aliens. The novel shines brightest in its depiction of life in Lagos, a place that mingles middle-class wealth with desperate poverty, but is overshadowed by the huge cast of characters that do nothing to move the minimal plot along.

Lagoon is an unusual sort of first-contact tale: an alien spacecraft appears in the ocean off the coast of Lagos, Nigeria, and three people are drawn to its arrival: Adaora, a marine biologist; Anthony, a rapper; and Agu, a soldier. Adding to the confusion of A-names, Adaora christens the alien they meet Ayodele. The rest of the novel is taken up with how the alien Ayodele interacts with people, how Ayodele intends to change the world, and how life in Lagos is altered by the event.

The antagonists are Chris, Adaora’s husband, who has recently found Christianity, and Chris’s priest, Father Oke. Father Oke follows the cliché of Christian clergy in fiction: greedy, occasionally violent, entirely without ethics. His influence on Chris is profound, turning Chris from a loving husband and father into an abusive, bull-headed monster. While Islam is also mentioned as a religious influence on Nigeria, you won’t find anything uncomplimentary said or implied of it in the novel; after all, it’s a lot safer to stigmatize Christians than Muslims.

When reading a book for review, I always avoid finding anything out about the author until after the book’s finished. My intent is to review the text, not the writer. Nnedi Okorafor is a communist, an out-and-proud Marxist, and this is made clear early on in the novel during an exchange with Chris and Father Oke:

Father Oke made the sign of the cross. This always calmed his parishioners down. Now was no exception. Chris instantly quieted and relaxed. “Trust in the Lord, Brother Chris….Go to bed. I will see you tomorrow.”

Sufficiently opiated by the words of his beloved priest, Chris felt better.

This term “opiated” brings to mind Karl Marx’s sort-of quote, “Religion is the opiate of the masses,” and Okorafor’s love of the destructive, anti-human philosophy of communism is also reflected in the words of the wise alien Ayodele, who says to the president of Nigeria, “You believe in Marxism, yet you are too powerless to enact it.” It’s the superintelligent alien’s version of the modern-day communist’s lament, “Communism works: it just hasn’t been tried properly yet.” While this isn’t a main theme of the novel, the anti-Christian nature of communism is a theme, and hence is worthy of comment.

I liked the pidgin dialect of the Lagosians, the “Face me, I face you” apartments, the peeks into the darker side of life in Lagos. At times Ayodele the alien seemed impatient, even sulky, which added some personality to an otherwise bland, all-wise, all-knowing superbeing. It’s just that the mix of African highway gods and underwater extraterrestrials didn’t do it for me; there wasn’t enough communication between them for the story to make sense. The novel just ended with nothing resolved, which added to the general lack of plot. It’s not that Lagoon needs a sequel to tie the disparate strands together: it needed an editor.

I’m always eager to read science fiction from other cultures, and I’m glad I got a glimpse into a fictional Nigeria with Lagoon. I just don’t know if I can recommend it.

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Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: book review, lagoon, nnedi okorafor, science fiction

The Ultimate Guide to Surviving a Zombie Apocalypse: Revised and Updated

December 27, 2016 by David Dubrow Leave a Comment

In late October of this year I reacquired the rights to my book The Ultimate Guide to Surviving a Zombie Apocalypse. Since then I’ve been working day and night to republish it in a revised and updated edition, featuring new illustrations and a new chapter on surviving the worst of the worst-case scenario: surviving a Zombie Apocalypse in a big city like Atlanta or Chicago.

I’m proud to announce that this new version is available in paperback from Amazon, just in time for you to purchase with all that Christmas money burning a hole in your virtual pocket!

Let’s face it: most of us are not prepared to face a basic disaster survival situation, let alone a zombie uprising. What are you going to do when all the trappings of civilization are ripped away by rotting, undead hands? During a Zombie Apocalypse, the electricity stops running, water stops flowing from the tap, and the rule of law becomes the Law of the Jungle. Hordes of ravenous, cannibalistic ghouls roam the streets, seeking human flesh. It would be a miracle if you survive the first night, let alone a month. Your life expectancy has just dropped to next winter…if you’re lucky.

That’s where this book comes in. It provides you with not just the information you need to survive the coming Zombie Apocalypse, but the confidence such knowledge brings. After reading this book, you will learn:

  • The different classifications of zombies, along with their strengths and weaknesses
  • How to cope with the overall zombie-caused breakdown of society
  • Combat-proven zombie-fighting tactics and techniques
  • How to find food, water, and shelter in a zombie-overrun world
  • Skills for surviving other apocalyptic dangers, including rogue government agencies, zombie animals, and other humans competing for scarce resources
  • How to prepare a Zombie Bug-Out Bag to get you through that critical first week of the Zombie Apocalypse

And so much more!

Do you really want to be the only person on your block completely unprepared for the coming Zombie Apocalypse, or do you want to take your fate in your own two hands and not only survive, but thrive in a post-apocalyptic world filled with cannibalistic undead? Pick up your copy today!

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Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: horror, me me me, survival, ultimate guide to surviving a zombie apocalypse, zombies

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"It began to drizzle rain and he turned on the windshield wipers; they made a great clatter like two idiots clapping in church." --Flannery O'Connor, Wise Blood

"Squop chicken? I never get enough to eat when I eat squop chicken. I told you that when we sat down. You gotta give me that. I told you when we sat down, I said frankly I said this is not my idea of a meal, squop chicken. I'm a big eater." --John O'Hara, BUtterfield 8

I saw the 1977 cartoon The Hobbit as a little boy, and it kindled a love of heroic fantasy that has never left me. Orson Bean's passing is terrible news. Rest in peace.

Obviously, these young people have been poorly served by their parents, but the honest search for practical information should be lauded, not contemned.

You shouldn't look at or use Twitter, and this story is another perfect example. There's so much that's wrong here that it would take a battalion of clergy, philosophers, and psychologists to fully map it out, let alone treat the issue.

This is the advertising copy for Ilana Glazer's stand-up comedy special The Planet Is Burning: "Ilana Glazer‘s debut standup special is trés lol, and turns out - she one funny b. Check out Ilana’s thoughts on partnership, being a successful stoner adult, Nazis, Diva Cups, and more. Hold on to your nuts cuz this hour proves how useless the patriarchy is. For Christ’s sake, The Planet Is Burning, and it’s time a short, queer, hairy New York Jew screams it in your face!" This is written to make you want to watch it.

In the midst of reading books about modern farming, the 6,000 year history of bread, and ancient grains, I found this just-published piece by farmer and scholar Victor Davis Hanson: Remembering the Farming Way.

"I then confront the decreasing power of the movement in order to demonstrate the need for increased theorizations of the reflexive capacities of institutionalized power structures to sustain oppositional education social movements." Yes. Of course.

You should definitely check out Atomickristin's sci-fi story Women in Fridges.

As it turns out, there may yet be some kind of personal cost for attempting to incite a social media mob into violence against a teenage boy you don't know, but decided to hate anyway because reasons.

One of the biggest problems with internet content is that the vast majority of sites don't pay their writers, and it shows in the lack of quality writing. It's hard to find decent writers, and harder to scrape up the cash to pay them. This piece is a shining example of the problem of free content: it's worth what you pay for.

If you're interested in understanding our current cultural insanity, the best primer available is Douglas Murray's The Madness of Crowds. Thoughtful, entertaining, and incisive.

More laws are dumb. More law enforcement is dumb. The only proper response to violence is overwhelming violence. End the assault. There's a rising anti-semitism problem in New York because Jews who act like victims are being victimized by predators. None of these attacks are random. Carry a weapon and practice deploying it under duress. Be alert and aware. I don't understand why the women Tiffany Harris attacked didn't flatten her face into the pavement, but once word gets around that the consequences of violence are grave, the violence will lessen.

When are you assholes going to understand that this stupidity doesn't work any longer? Nobody gives much of a damn if you think we're sexist because we don't want to see a movie you think we should see. It only makes us dislike you that much more, and you started out being an unlikable asshole. Find a new way to shame normal people.

The movie Terms of Endearment still holds up more than 35 years later, and if you're looking for a tearjerker, this is your jam. One element that didn't get a lot of mention is, at the end, when Flap, with a shrug, decides that his mother-in-law will become the mother of his children once Emma dies. He abandons them, and nothing is made of it. This always troubled me.

You need to read this story the next time you feel the urge to complain. And if you need a shot of admiration for another family's courage, check this out.

Progressive political activist and children's author J.K. Rowling finds herself on the wrong side of a mob she helped to create. The Woke Sandwich she's been trying to force-feed others since she earned enough f-you money doesn't taste as good as it looks when she's obliged to take a bite.

I need you to check out The Kohen Chronicles and pray for this family. Their 5-year-old son has cancer.

Currently, the movie Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker stands at 55% at Rotten Tomatoes. Don't forget that these are the same reviewers who not only adored the absolutely execrable The Last Jedi, but insisted that you were a MAGA hat-wearing incel white supremacist manbaby for not loving The Last Jedi. So either The Rise of Skywalker is an objectively bad film, or it simply wasn't woke enough to earn plaudits from our movie-reviewing moral and intellectual betters.

It's easy to hate the older pop bands like Genesis for their popularity, but they were capable of genius, and it shows in No Son of Mine.

If you want to know which identity group has more clout, read this story of the Zola ads on the Hallmark Channel.

Rest in peace, René Auberjonois. I remember you from Benson as a kid. As an adult, I remember you as Janos Audron in the Legacy of Kain video game series. You made every role you were in a classic.

Elf on a Shelf Follies, Part 2:
8-year-old: I wrote the elf a note! I hope he writes back.
Me: What did you write?
8yo: I asked if he has any friends.
Me: What if he says it's none of your business?
8yo: *eyes grow dark and glittering* Then I'll...touch him.
Me: Ah. Mutually assured destruction, then.

Elf on a Shelf Follies, Part 1: My 8-year-old got an Elf on the Shelf the other day. The book it came with tells a story in doggerel about this elf's purpose, which is to spy on the kid and report his doings to Santa Claus, who would then determine if the kid is worthy for Christmas presents this year. The book also said for the kid not to touch him, or the magic would fade, and for the family to give the elf a name. I wanted to name him Stasi. I was outvoted.

Actor Billy Dee Williams calls himself a man or a woman, depending on whim; his character Lando Calrissian is "pansexual," and his writer implies that he'd become intimate with anyone or anything, including, one presumes, a dog, a toaster, or a baby. J.J. Abrams is very concerned about LGBTQ representation in the Star Wars universe. This is Hollywood. This is Star Wars. This is what's important to the people in charge of your cinematic entertainment. Are you not entertained?

The funniest thing on the internet today is the number of people angry over an exercise bike commercial. Public outrage is always funny. Always.

One of the biggest mistakes the United States has ever made since WWII was recruiting for clandestine and federal law enforcement organizations at Ivy League schools. The best talent pools were/are available from local law enforcement and military veterans, with their maturity and, most importantly, field experience. We've been reaping the costs of these terrible decisions for decades, culminating in a hopelessly politicized, sub-competent FBI and CIA.

Watching Fauda seasons 1 and 2 again in preparation for season 3 to be broadcast, one hopes, in early 2020. Here's my back-of-the-matchbook review of season 2.

Every day I try to be grateful for what I have, even in the face of the petty frustrations and troubles that pockmark a day spent outside of one's living room, binge-watching Netflix. We live lives of ease in 21st century America, making it enormously difficult to do anything but take one's countless blessings for granted. Holidays like the just-passed Thanksgiving are helpful reminders. There's a reason why people call the attitude of a thankful heart practicing gratitude, not just feeling grateful. You have to practice it. You have to remind yourself of what you have. It's the work of a lifetime.

Held Back: A Recent Conversation.
8-year-old: Oh, and Jamie was there, too. He was in my first grade class two years ago.
Me: Wasn't he held back a year?
8yo: Yeah. It's because he kept going to the bathroom with the door open.
Me: No way!
8yo: And girls saw.
Me: That's not right. They're not going to hold a kid back a whole year over that.
8yo: Well, that's what he told me.
Me: Sounds fishy.
8yo: I believe him.
~fin~

It's right and good to push a raft of politically correct social justice policies on everything else under the sun, but when social justice invades Hollywood, that's just a bridge too far, says Terry Gilliam. Sorry, Terry: you helped make this sandwich. EAT IT.

Rob Henderson's piece on luxury beliefs will have you nodding your head over and over again...unless you subscribe to these luxury beliefs, in which case you'll get mad.

I've made the Saturday bread from Flour Water Salt Yeast so often that I've memorized the recipe. It never disappoints. Never. The same recipe works well for pizza, too.

Liberty doesn't mean the freedom to do anything you want. The true definition of liberty is the ability to choose the good. Anything less is libertinism.

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