David Dubrow

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Appalling Stories: Excerpts

February 19, 2018 by David Dubrow Leave a Comment

He wiped some sweat out of his eyes and tugged at the top of his body armor where it was pushing just a little too much into his throat. We were kneeling on the rocky ground between some low-growing vegetation. General Cardiff sat in on our discussion.

“Am I missing anything, sarge?” Lieutenant Kettering asked.

“No, sir. You’re doing fine,” I said.

Lieutenant Kettering and the two other troops would reconnoiter the Taliban from that hill. It would allow us to see the entire objective, verify the size of the forces there, how ready to defend they were, and it would allow us to verify that our preferred avenue of approach was clear. After that it would become an observation post during the assault.

“Just make sure you and your soldiers are careful,” the general said.

“Yes, sir,” Lieutenant Kettering said. “We are very safety-conscious.”

The general squinted at him. “I mean, you need to make sure your soldiers know not to endanger any of the local populace.”

“Y-yes, sir,” Lieutenant Kettering said again. “But we’re just doing reconnaissance right now, and our intelligence said there likely aren’t any civilians here.”

“Lieutenant Kettering, you can’t trust that intelligence is one hundred percent accurate,” the general told him, tapping his gloved left index finger on the bipod of his M4 carbine. “So you better make sure your troops are aware of civilian considerations. We’re here to serve the Afghan people.”

(Taken from Our Diversity Is Our Strength! by Paul Hair)

—

Adam was about to send another blast in his fight against Oscar when something slammed into his back, shredding his shirt and ripping his flesh. The impact sent him tumbling through the sky. He quickly righted himself and zeroed in on what had hit him.

Adam raised his hands in time to shield his face from another swarm of Martin’s razor-like energy discs, but the blast knocked him backward again, slashing what remained of his shirt and cutting him further. Blood flowed from his front and back.

Adam fired back as Martin kept flying at him. He missed. Martin flew full speed into him, driving him farther backwards. Then the two men began grappling in the air.

Martin got a hand free and tried to blast Adam in the face. Adam dodged that. Oscar had maneuvered behind them and fired more light daggers. Some of them pounded into Adam’s spine and kidneys; others hit him in the head, snapping it forward.

(Taken from Mortal Gods: “Presidential Pardon” by Paul Hair.)

—

These stories, along with eleven other hard-hitting tales of science fiction, satire, horror, and more are available in Appalling Stories: 13 Tales of Social Injustice!

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Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: appalling stories, paul hair, science fiction, short fiction

Stranger Things Season 2: Review

January 3, 2018 by David Dubrow Leave a Comment

In this piece I’ll be spoiling the hell out of Stranger Things season 2, so if you haven’t seen it yet and plan to, now would be the time to read one of the other articles on this site, or, better yet, read a good book written by a fine writer.

This was the season where nothing happened. None of the principal characters changed in any significant way, and many of the same events from the first season repeated themselves in this one. Just like in season one, a new girl (Max) enters the friend group and causes chaos among the pre-adolescent protagonists. Will Byers is once again held prisoner by a horrific, otherworldly force, and is freed only at the very end. Once again Will’s mom trashes the whole house to solve Will’s terrible mystery. Nobody died except for characters introduced in this season, so it was a wash (I was kind of hoping that Bob Newby would turn out to be Soviet spy, but that didn’t happen). We learned very little about the main monster, the smoke-thing looming menacingly over the town like a post-Christmas credit card statement. Apparently it’s referred to by the writers as The Sentient, which is about as silly a name for something as The Situation.

It took an entire plot-miring episode, The Lost Sister, to give Eleven a badly-needed makeover. Why does Eleven’s left nostril bleed when she uses her powers? Because both nostrils bleed when she really, really uses her powers, that’s why. John Byers and Nancy Wheeler finally hook up despite a lack of chemistry that I can’t believe isn’t deliberate. The introduction of Max (a diversity pick? I ask, you decide) diluted the friend group (“the party”) such that Mike Wheeler ended up becoming entirely unnecessary the entire season, which was a shame: the show needed his vulnerability and childish stubbornness. Mr. Clarke, one of the only grown-ups in the show who wasn’t full of shit, was pretty much written out of the season, replaced by moderately-amusing conspiracy nut Murray Bauman.

Steve Harrington stepped up as a decent, even heroic character, even if he had to be saved by a little girl from being beaten to death by Billy, the unnecessary antagonist. (Note that Billy is the only human bad guy in the show; Paul Reiser’s ineffectual, uninteresting replacement of Matthew Modine eliminated all major human antagonists.) Dustin turned out a bit more likable than expected. Lucas wasn’t tested enough in this season to make him interesting, though his little sister was hysterical.

So what’s next for season 3? More teenage psychics, no doubt. #8’s Shadow-like powers were very neat, if not terribly well thought-out. What is the Upside-Down, anyway? It can’t just be a whole other universe that just happens to have its own rules and ecosystem; it’s clearly a horrific reflection of our own. What does The Sentient/Situation want? Will Hopper and Dustin suffer ill effects from breathing in the demonic farts of the disgusting tunnel-anuses? Will the Baby Boomers and Gen Xers who this show is clearly aimed at get their fill of 80’s nostalgia in depictions of old-style candy bar wrappers and coin-op arcade games?

We’ll find out late this year, I suspect. I’ll be there. Will you?

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Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: horror, science fiction, stranger things, television review

Book Review: The Space Vampires

September 7, 2017 by David Dubrow Leave a Comment

Horror fans mourned the passing of legendary director Tobe Hooper, who directed The Texas Chain Saw Massacre, Poltergeist, and other films. I never much cared for the TCM movies; they mostly consist of running, brutality, blood, and tears. And Poltergeist spawned a terrible sequel, not to mention a wholly unnecessary remake. Despite my quibbles about his most famous franchises, Hooper did direct one of my favorite movies of all time: Lifeforce.

A novel-length book could be written about the departure that the film Lifeforce took from its source material, Colin Wilson’s novel The Space Vampires, but I won’t do that here. Wilson himself loathed the movie, with good reason. So the two cannot be compared.

The Space Vampires, written in 1976, posits a bizarre first-contact scenario: in the 22nd Century, the Space Research Institute’s spacecraft Hermes, captained by Olof Carlsen, finds a gigantic, derelict space ship floating in space. They take some of the human-looking, though apparently dead aliens back to Earth with them, and as it turns out, the aliens are actually body-switching vampires that eat life-energy (life force, if you will). This presents a significant problem, particularly because there are plans to haul the gigantic space ship back to Earth for deeper study.

This is a very talky sort of novel, where the characters discuss the science of life energy and how it can be manipulated at great length. In this respect it’s almost like a police procedural, as Carlsen, once he returns to Earth, joins famous scientist Hans Fallada on a Europe-spanning quest to learn more about these aliens and how to stop them. What’s clear is that the author, an occultist himself, was using this novel as a vehicle to advance this idea of manipulable life energy: how some people just seem to suck the life out of a room, the energy-exchanging relationship of masochists to sadists, and mental illness as it relates to life force. As a firm believer in the scientific method, I didn’t find Wilson’s ideas to be credible, though they were fascinating to read.

Parts of the novel read like a Sherlock Holmes mystery in that there’s great emphasis on brandy, whiskey, and sandwiches. I rather liked that part; it set the book very firmly in England, with English people as the good guys. Because it was written in the mid-1970’s, the future Wilson describes is both less sophisticated and more advanced. They have flying cars called Grasshoppers, but no Internet. Video phones but no handheld computers. And everyone smokes. As the wise man said, the future ain’t what it used to be.

There’s a good bit of sex in the novel, but it’s described with discretion. This drawing and giving of life energy often has an intimate component to it, which translates to Olof Carlsen making a number of, ahem, lady friends, despite being a married man. It’s the life energy thing, man: he can’t help it.

Things move quickly at the end, when the aliens describe their true nature, where they came from, and what they plan to do. This is where Lovecraft’s influence makes itself known. What struck me is the use of the name Ubbo-Sathla, which is an outer god created by Clark Ashton Smith. Wilson, having been published by Arkham House himself, cannot have chosen this name by accident. Does that make the aliens in the novel Cthulhoid in some fashion? Hard to say.

Wilson’s adept at making the unbelievable credible, and he includes details in description and conversation that draw you into the story despite yourself. With a name like The Space Vampires, the novel should be more pulpy than it comes across. It still holds up, even after more than 40 years in print.

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Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: book review, colin wilson, horror, lifeforce, science fiction, the space vampires, tobe hooper

Touch No One by Joseph Hirsch

August 10, 2017 by David Dubrow 1 Comment

my eyes are down hereI was honored to write a blurb for Joseph Hirsch’s science fiction/horror novel Touch No One:

Joseph Hirsch’s Touch No One is a disquieting blend of near-future science fiction, gritty detective tale, and grotesque horror story. Tightly written, it lifts up the rock covering our post-modern society’s deepest fears, where body modification and digital communication have replaced personal advancement and the intimacy of human contact. From the surgically-altered milk-women to weaponized, genetically-tailored parasites, Touch No One presents a disturbing vision of humanity’s future.

Despite being an indie fiction writer myself, I’d be the first to tell you that, like traditionally-published fiction, indie novels are very much a mixed bag. For every book you don’t want to put down, there are at least fifty that you can tell aren’t worth your time from the advertising copy alone. Touch No One is that one book you want to read all in one sitting, even as you cringe at the world it depicts. Hirsch knows what makes people tick, and can show you their deepest ugliness while making you care about what happens to them. The best books stay with you: Touch No One takes up residence in your guts and won’t leave for love or money.

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Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: book review, horror, joseph hirsch, science fiction, touch no one

Movie Review: They Call Me Jeeg

July 25, 2017 by David Dubrow 3 Comments

I’ve talked about my dislike of the current state of superhero/science fiction franchises here and here. They’re bloated, overdone, past their prime, and exist as money-making efforts to draw nostalgia-soaked dollars from Boomers and Gen-Xers instead of reflecting today’s culture.

It doesn’t mean, however, that the superhero genre is dead. Movies like They Call Me Jeeg prove that there’s not just life in the genre, but relevance, too.

Enzo, the protagonist of the film, isn’t the kind of hero we want, but he is the hero we deserve. The hero we’ve elevated to primary status in our culture’s misguided quest to eliminate traditional heroic traits in favor of anti-heroic qualities. Faith is pushed out of public life to uphold the fictional value of “separation of church and state.” Honor is considered a quaint, archaic tradition no longer practiced in everyday society. And bravery has been so diluted by overuse that too many of us no longer know the difference between the risking of one’s life to save another and telling one’s parents one’s choice of bedroom partners: both are considered equally courageous.

Victoria Dougherty talks about the devaluation of the term hero here. Thanks to Sean Carlin for pointing this out.

For his part, Enzo possesses very little of these qualities: he’s a petty crook, a ne’er-do-well who falls into a canister of radioactive waste in the Tiber River, emerges with superhuman powers, and uses them to advance his meager position in life. He falls in with a young woman who thinks that he’s the incarnation of an anime superhero named Hiroshi from a cartoon called Steel Jeeg, and the story proceeds from there.

With his sleepy eyes and unkempt, unheroic appearance, Claudio Santamaria is the perfect choice to play Enzo, a man who eats nothing but vanilla pudding and spends his first ill-gotten windfall on pornographic DVDs. You can’t like him at first, then you don’t want to like him, and then you’re rooting for him by the end of the film. Ilenia Pastorelli as Alessia brings a fragility to her role that makes her steal every scene she’s in: she could explode at any moment, so you have to keep an eye on her. Everyone else exists as temporary allies or, for the most part, antagonists. Enzo’s opposite number is Zingaro the Gypsy, a small-time gang leader who Luca Marinelli plays with hilariously violent panache.

Our culture’s obsessions with social media, viral videos, and reality television are aptly lampooned throughout the film, showing us how difficult it is to have a truly secret identity in the 21st century, particularly if you find yourself having to do noteworthy things just to get by. Enzo’s powers, despite that we’ve seen them in superhero-soaked presentations across all known media platforms, still manage to elicit awe, particularly in how he makes use of them.

The movie does hit a couple of snags: it’s a bit long, perhaps longer than it needed to be, so it drags in parts. And there’s a subplot about fascist terrorists in Rome that wasn’t worked into the plot terribly well. Still, it deftly combines humor, pathos, and social commentary in an entertaining, unforgettable presentation that makes you wish for a sequel, even though you know it won’t happen.

They Call Me Jeeg is a great movie. What’re you waiting for? Get watching.

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Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: foreign film, italian, movie review, science fiction, superhero, they call me jeeg

Three Brief Science Fiction Reviews

March 28, 2017 by David Dubrow 2 Comments

Over the last ten days or so I’ve been dealing with an illness that has taken both antibiotics and steroids to return me to a semblance of health, so during that time I watched a good bit of television (in-between chills, cold sweats, massive headaches, and numerous other symptoms too tedious to describe). In the interest of making my recent unpleasantness a learning experience, I will review what I watched as I lay shivering on the couch.

Travelling Salesman: At the risk of sounding pretentious and lah-di-dah, I will label this movie an “intellectual thriller.” Not that non-intellectual thrillers aren’t entertaining; I liked John Wick and The Accountant, for example. Anyway, what makes Travelling Salesman an intellectual thriller is how much of the film takes place in a single room, focused on a conversation. Sounds boring, right? It’s not. What they’re talking about is an amazing thing they’ve done under contract to the U.S. government: they’ve solved one of the most difficult problems mathematics has available, and now must deal with the repercussions. The mathematician characters all act according to type: the stuffy professor complete with sweater vest, the quirky weirdo, the brilliant slob, and the wunderkind star who did most of the work. Everyone perfectly cast, particularly the government functionary who comes to negotiate the remainder of their contract: a smooth-talking, blandly handsome man who’s obviously over his head yet still tries to hold his own in a room of literal geniuses. Aside from a few incomprehensible bits it’s a great film, one that I enjoyed immensely. 5 out of 5 stars.

The Zero Theorem: It’s a kind of spiritual successor to Terry Gilliam’s earlier film Brazil, though utterly lacking Brazil‘s heart. Sharing the same bizarre, surreal aesthetic, it attempts to handle heavy themes like faith, purpose in life, and existential crisis, but fails to elevate any of them. Christoph Waltz does a good enough job with what he’s been given, making him the only thing in the movie worth watching. Matt Damon, despite his camouflage suits, doesn’t add anything. Everyone else is forgettable, particularly the love interest. I wanted to like it because I loved Brazil, but couldn’t. 2 out of 5 stars.

Travelers: A Netflix series of twelve episodes, it has a familiar premise: people from a future dystopia mentally time-travel to the present day, take over the bodies of people who are about to die, and work like heck to prevent the horrible events of the future from occurring. Been there, done that, right? Yes, but somehow this works. Part of it is the casting: everyone’s very, very good, including Eric McCormack, who pulls off his role with just enough humor and weakness to make himself believable. The stand-out performance is Jared Abrahamson, a teenager taken over by a much older time-traveler who, to his great credit, doesn’t do a George Burns impression from the movie 18 Again!. Even though Travelers doesn’t reveal its secrets until rather late in the series, which gets frustrating, there’s still a lot to like. If we don’t know the stakes, we can’t be depended on to care about what happens; nevertheless, each episode still manages to make itself an entertaining experience. The crew makes the best of a relatively low budget through acting, writing, and heart. And yes, it obviously takes place in Vancouver. It’s okay. You get used to it. 4 out of 5 stars.

Did I spend my sick time wisely? I hope so.

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Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: movie reviews, science fiction, television, television review, the zero theorem, travelers, travelling salesman

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"It began to drizzle rain and he turned on the windshield wipers; they made a great clatter like two idiots clapping in church." --Flannery O'Connor, Wise Blood

"Squop chicken? I never get enough to eat when I eat squop chicken. I told you that when we sat down. You gotta give me that. I told you when we sat down, I said frankly I said this is not my idea of a meal, squop chicken. I'm a big eater." --John O'Hara, BUtterfield 8

I saw the 1977 cartoon The Hobbit as a little boy, and it kindled a love of heroic fantasy that has never left me. Orson Bean's passing is terrible news. Rest in peace.

Obviously, these young people have been poorly served by their parents, but the honest search for practical information should be lauded, not contemned.

You shouldn't look at or use Twitter, and this story is another perfect example. There's so much that's wrong here that it would take a battalion of clergy, philosophers, and psychologists to fully map it out, let alone treat the issue.

This is the advertising copy for Ilana Glazer's stand-up comedy special The Planet Is Burning: "Ilana Glazer‘s debut standup special is trés lol, and turns out - she one funny b. Check out Ilana’s thoughts on partnership, being a successful stoner adult, Nazis, Diva Cups, and more. Hold on to your nuts cuz this hour proves how useless the patriarchy is. For Christ’s sake, The Planet Is Burning, and it’s time a short, queer, hairy New York Jew screams it in your face!" This is written to make you want to watch it.

In the midst of reading books about modern farming, the 6,000 year history of bread, and ancient grains, I found this just-published piece by farmer and scholar Victor Davis Hanson: Remembering the Farming Way.

"I then confront the decreasing power of the movement in order to demonstrate the need for increased theorizations of the reflexive capacities of institutionalized power structures to sustain oppositional education social movements." Yes. Of course.

You should definitely check out Atomickristin's sci-fi story Women in Fridges.

As it turns out, there may yet be some kind of personal cost for attempting to incite a social media mob into violence against a teenage boy you don't know, but decided to hate anyway because reasons.

One of the biggest problems with internet content is that the vast majority of sites don't pay their writers, and it shows in the lack of quality writing. It's hard to find decent writers, and harder to scrape up the cash to pay them. This piece is a shining example of the problem of free content: it's worth what you pay for.

If you're interested in understanding our current cultural insanity, the best primer available is Douglas Murray's The Madness of Crowds. Thoughtful, entertaining, and incisive.

More laws are dumb. More law enforcement is dumb. The only proper response to violence is overwhelming violence. End the assault. There's a rising anti-semitism problem in New York because Jews who act like victims are being victimized by predators. None of these attacks are random. Carry a weapon and practice deploying it under duress. Be alert and aware. I don't understand why the women Tiffany Harris attacked didn't flatten her face into the pavement, but once word gets around that the consequences of violence are grave, the violence will lessen.

When are you assholes going to understand that this stupidity doesn't work any longer? Nobody gives much of a damn if you think we're sexist because we don't want to see a movie you think we should see. It only makes us dislike you that much more, and you started out being an unlikable asshole. Find a new way to shame normal people.

The movie Terms of Endearment still holds up more than 35 years later, and if you're looking for a tearjerker, this is your jam. One element that didn't get a lot of mention is, at the end, when Flap, with a shrug, decides that his mother-in-law will become the mother of his children once Emma dies. He abandons them, and nothing is made of it. This always troubled me.

You need to read this story the next time you feel the urge to complain. And if you need a shot of admiration for another family's courage, check this out.

Progressive political activist and children's author J.K. Rowling finds herself on the wrong side of a mob she helped to create. The Woke Sandwich she's been trying to force-feed others since she earned enough f-you money doesn't taste as good as it looks when she's obliged to take a bite.

I need you to check out The Kohen Chronicles and pray for this family. Their 5-year-old son has cancer.

Currently, the movie Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker stands at 55% at Rotten Tomatoes. Don't forget that these are the same reviewers who not only adored the absolutely execrable The Last Jedi, but insisted that you were a MAGA hat-wearing incel white supremacist manbaby for not loving The Last Jedi. So either The Rise of Skywalker is an objectively bad film, or it simply wasn't woke enough to earn plaudits from our movie-reviewing moral and intellectual betters.

It's easy to hate the older pop bands like Genesis for their popularity, but they were capable of genius, and it shows in No Son of Mine.

If you want to know which identity group has more clout, read this story of the Zola ads on the Hallmark Channel.

Rest in peace, René Auberjonois. I remember you from Benson as a kid. As an adult, I remember you as Janos Audron in the Legacy of Kain video game series. You made every role you were in a classic.

Elf on a Shelf Follies, Part 2:
8-year-old: I wrote the elf a note! I hope he writes back.
Me: What did you write?
8yo: I asked if he has any friends.
Me: What if he says it's none of your business?
8yo: *eyes grow dark and glittering* Then I'll...touch him.
Me: Ah. Mutually assured destruction, then.

Elf on a Shelf Follies, Part 1: My 8-year-old got an Elf on the Shelf the other day. The book it came with tells a story in doggerel about this elf's purpose, which is to spy on the kid and report his doings to Santa Claus, who would then determine if the kid is worthy for Christmas presents this year. The book also said for the kid not to touch him, or the magic would fade, and for the family to give the elf a name. I wanted to name him Stasi. I was outvoted.

Actor Billy Dee Williams calls himself a man or a woman, depending on whim; his character Lando Calrissian is "pansexual," and his writer implies that he'd become intimate with anyone or anything, including, one presumes, a dog, a toaster, or a baby. J.J. Abrams is very concerned about LGBTQ representation in the Star Wars universe. This is Hollywood. This is Star Wars. This is what's important to the people in charge of your cinematic entertainment. Are you not entertained?

The funniest thing on the internet today is the number of people angry over an exercise bike commercial. Public outrage is always funny. Always.

One of the biggest mistakes the United States has ever made since WWII was recruiting for clandestine and federal law enforcement organizations at Ivy League schools. The best talent pools were/are available from local law enforcement and military veterans, with their maturity and, most importantly, field experience. We've been reaping the costs of these terrible decisions for decades, culminating in a hopelessly politicized, sub-competent FBI and CIA.

Watching Fauda seasons 1 and 2 again in preparation for season 3 to be broadcast, one hopes, in early 2020. Here's my back-of-the-matchbook review of season 2.

Every day I try to be grateful for what I have, even in the face of the petty frustrations and troubles that pockmark a day spent outside of one's living room, binge-watching Netflix. We live lives of ease in 21st century America, making it enormously difficult to do anything but take one's countless blessings for granted. Holidays like the just-passed Thanksgiving are helpful reminders. There's a reason why people call the attitude of a thankful heart practicing gratitude, not just feeling grateful. You have to practice it. You have to remind yourself of what you have. It's the work of a lifetime.

Held Back: A Recent Conversation.
8-year-old: Oh, and Jamie was there, too. He was in my first grade class two years ago.
Me: Wasn't he held back a year?
8yo: Yeah. It's because he kept going to the bathroom with the door open.
Me: No way!
8yo: And girls saw.
Me: That's not right. They're not going to hold a kid back a whole year over that.
8yo: Well, that's what he told me.
Me: Sounds fishy.
8yo: I believe him.
~fin~

It's right and good to push a raft of politically correct social justice policies on everything else under the sun, but when social justice invades Hollywood, that's just a bridge too far, says Terry Gilliam. Sorry, Terry: you helped make this sandwich. EAT IT.

Rob Henderson's piece on luxury beliefs will have you nodding your head over and over again...unless you subscribe to these luxury beliefs, in which case you'll get mad.

I've made the Saturday bread from Flour Water Salt Yeast so often that I've memorized the recipe. It never disappoints. Never. The same recipe works well for pizza, too.

Liberty doesn't mean the freedom to do anything you want. The true definition of liberty is the ability to choose the good. Anything less is libertinism.

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