David Dubrow

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Bits and Pieces 2/28/2020

February 28, 2020 by David Dubrow Leave a Comment

Between recent illness and attendant insomnia, I’ve found a bit more time over the last few months to take in media. My sleep loss is your gain when it comes to media reviews, so let’s hit it.

—

Memories of the Alhambra: I tried like hell to like this, but could only get through the first episode. It had some interesting ideas: a disappearing programmer, an immersive augmented reality game, the mingling of old-world Spain and modern technology. And yet it didn’t do it for me. Not sure why. Call it the one K-drama I didn’t like. I may try again in the future.

Save Me: I gave this a brief mention in my K-drama rundown on Hollywood in Toto, but it bears mentioning here. This is a very dark show, and goes places with the characters that I’ve never seen on other television programs. The plot involves a cult called The Mighty New Sky, and how it tries to take over a town in South Korea. It’s full of disturbing moments involving a nice family’s seduction and destruction, horrific betrayals, and bizarre rituals with a creepy cult leader. A bit too long, but full of unforgettable moments. The themes of friendship, familial love, and aging cynicism vs. youthful idealism really make this a show to watch.

Ultraviolet: A Polish crime show set in Lodz, focusing on a group of vigilantes solving both cold cases and new crimes using social media hacking, much to the chagrin of the local police department. The characters are likable, and there are some genuinely funny moments, but no surprises to speak of. The culprits tend to be rich industralists, Polish nationalists, and other such stock heavies. Still, it’s fun and fairly lighthearted. As good as any cop show you’ll see on American TV, though with similar social commentary.

Unit 42: A Belgian crime show, this one about a team of cops solving crimes that have a technological angle, like internet-connected pacemakers that explode and semi-autonomous vehicles chauffeuring corpses. A bit heavier than Ultraviolet, which gives it a more gripping style, but like Ultraviolet, there are no surprises. An alert viewer will figure out whodunit long before the cops do, which is a problem: the episodes often only make sense if you ignore the massive plot holes throughout. You will be entertained if you turn off your brain before watching.

—

I also read books, on occasion.

Salt: A World History: The title says it all. It’s a history of salt and its effect on various cultures throughout the world. A dry subject, naturally, that edifies and occasionally entertains. I like how it destroys myths about salt and explains its value to civilizations both ancient and current. Author Mark Kurlansky has books on other foodstuffs, including Cod and Milk. And Paper, if you are inclined to eat it. For my part, I’m full.

A History of the World in Six Glasses: Author Tom Standage provides a sweeping history of six world-changing beverages: beer, wine, spirits, coffee, tea, and Coca-Cola in a book that’s far more than the sum of its drinks. Who knew how important coffee was to The Enlightenment? What was the first beer made of, and how important was it to early man? The parts on Coke are a little more anemic compared to the section on tea, for example, but that’s more due to Coca-Cola’s place on the world stage than a weakness of the text. A lot of fun to read. Think of it as a history book for people who hate history books.

American Pie: My Search for the Perfect Pizza: I’ve had a lifelong interest in baking bread, and when my wife got me a copy of Peter Reinhart’s book Artisan Breads Every Day more than ten years ago, it helped kick-start my bread making to the level I’d always wanted: artisan loaves with the big holes. While American Pie isn’t a new book, published in 2003, it’s nevertheless a terrific travelogue of Reinhart’s quest to find the best pizza in the world. What constitutes the perfect pizza and if he actually finds it will have to be read about in the text. Full of recipes for both dough and toppings, Reinhart promulgates the idea that the quality of any pizza starts with the crust: 80% of the grade, so to speak. So even a pizza with mediocre sauce can be saved by a great crust. Obviously, this is a cookbook in large part, so factor that into your buying decision. If you want to know how to make tasty pizza at home, from lean Neapolitan pies to the more substantial New Haven pizzas, this is the book you need. My only problem is the disappointing paucity of pictures. All that reading makes my lips hurt.

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Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: a history of the world in six glasses, book review, k-drama, memories of the alhambra, peter reinhart, salt, save me, south korea, television review, ultraviolet, unit 42

Attack from Planet B Movie Review: Mafia Women 2

February 19, 2020 by David Dubrow Leave a Comment

I wrapped up my three-fer of reviewing Patryk Vega movies with Mafia Women 2 at Attack from Planet B:

Olga Boladz, who played the protagonist from the first film, probably didn’t want to have her name attached to this monstrosity because her character was murdered, off-camera, in the first minute of Women of Mafia 2. Says rather a lot, doesn’t it. Other surviving characters from Mafia Women, however, do continue their stories here, even if they don’t intersect or affect each other. The overarching plot, such as it is, involves a drug deal between Nanny’s drug gang and a Colombian cartel that goes terribly wrong, and the fallout that results from it.

I really need you to click to read the whole review to make me feel better about watching this film. Please.

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Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: attack from planet b, mafia women 2, movie review, patryk vega, poland

Movie Review Resurrection: Killbillies

February 14, 2020 by David Dubrow Leave a Comment

(When the much-missed horror site The Slaughtered Bird closed its doors some time ago, a number of my movie reviews fell into limbo. As some of the reviews are worth retrieving from that dark and empty place, I am posting my review of Killbillies here. I don’t hate all B-movies. Just the really bad ones.)

Killbillies is touted as the first horror film to come out of Slovenia, which makes it historical, after a fashion. I didn’t know where Slovenia was before I looked it up (I mean, I knew it was in Europe somewhere). To save you a Google search, just imagine a small, irregular splotch just to the right of the top of Italy’s boot, and there you are: Slovenia. Judging from the movie’s cinematography, Slovenia is a beautiful, wooded place with mountains and valleys and a nightmarishly dark urban center where you’re as likely to be served distilled cerebrospinal fluid in the dive bars as you are a refreshing Slovenian beer. (I don’t know if the latter exists, but I imagine it does.)

The title says it all, and that’s where this movie shines. It doesn’t pretend to be anything other than an homage to films like The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and Deliverance. The plot is admirably uncomplicated: a pair of beautiful models, their photographer, and a makeup artist go into the wilderness to take pictures; they meet up with some seriously inbred primitives; death and horror ensue. You don’t go to see a film like Killbillies for the existential angst.

If that isn’t enough reason for you to run, not walk to the nearest Killbillies-purveying establishment and put your fat fingers on a copy right away, here’s another: it’s a hell of a lot of fun to watch. The style of filming brings a freshness to the subject matter that goes beyond the expected blood, gore, and shrieks. Screenwriter Tomaz Gorkic makes us care about what happens to these poor victims, despite how unlikable most of them are, and once the real terror stops, it doesn’t let up until the closing scene.

The two heavies, Francl and Vintlr, are entertainingly vile. Vintlr is particularly disgusting, with his horrible teeth and drool and overall demeanor, while Francl’s facial deformity, with its peeling scabs and bloodshot eye, makes one want to turn away whenever he’s on screen. Putting Francl in lederhosen was an inspired choice, adding a soupcon of black humor to his lumpish, menacing figure.

Don’t expect boobs, because you won’t see any. You will see a lot of blood from a number of lens-splattering gore effects, which is great because the breathtaking outdoor scenes can only carry the film so far.

So what are you waiting for? Do you really want to pass up the opportunity to see the first Slovenian horror film? Francl’s waiting, after all, and his rusty old axe is pretty thirsty.

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Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: horror, killbillies, movie review, slasher, slovenia

K-Drama Rundown at HiT

January 31, 2020 by David Dubrow Leave a Comment

I have a piece up at Hollywood in Toto, offering binge-worthy Korean television series as an alternative to Hollywood:

To misquote Mark Twain, “Everybody complains about Hollywood, but nobody does anything about it.” From the bloated, ossified franchises kept alive by Boomer and Gen-X nostalgia dollars (hello, Marvel/Star Wars) to woke studios that produce unwatchable tripe in service to progressive social engineering (hello, anything that’s won a televised award in the last ten years), Tinseltown, for many of us, is no longer a viable source of entertainment. And yet we, as Americans, have more leisure time than ever before, and we like to watch things on screens.

So what do we do about it? Where do we go?

Try South Korea.

Click to get the rundown on the best K-dramas available on Netflix!

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Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: hollywood in toto, k-drama, korean

What’s for Dinner? Two Book Reviews

January 23, 2020 by David Dubrow 2 Comments

Several months ago, accomplished writer Kristin Devine, who wrote a blurb for Appalling Stories, recommended a book to me by Michael Pollan called The Omnivore’s Dilemma: A Natural History of Four Meals. Written in 2006, it asked the question What should we have for dinner? in a way that explores food choices, nutrition, survival, taste, farming, and ethics, among many other issues. It’s a tremendously entertaining book, and the universality of its themes keep it relevant fourteen years after its original publication.

As with all non-fiction books, I did what most of us do: I unquestioningly accepted those premises that reinforced my already-held opinions, rejected those that I found entirely antithetical to my worldview, and hoped that I would learn something somewhere in the middle. Pleasantly, as this is a mostly apolitical book, I found a great deal to learn from and enjoy, and it opened my eyes to issues that I had opinions on, but hadn’t considered very deeply. So The Omnivore’s Dilemma is an unqualified success. I learned something. And, more importantly, it’s influenced me to make some different choices: namely, what’s for dinner.

Civilization means taming, as much as we can, the somewhat arbitrary nature of the universe. We build houses and install central heating because the weather’s not always warm and pleasant. We develop language and communication skills because everybody else has different feelings and desires from us. And we preserve food because nourishment doesn’t just drop from the sky like the Israelites’ manna. In something as seemingly straightforward as farming, for example, there are many complicating factors: disease, weather, economics, and expanding human populations to feed. So we tried to solve these problems using artificial fertilizers, chemical pesticides, monoculture farming (corn), breeding crops for desirable characteristics, and so on. The end result of these solutions is that we’re all better fed, but we’re not all healthier. There’s a widening gap between being fed and being nourished, and we see that in rising rates of obesity and other health concerns that are, unfortunately, somewhat self-inflicted. So what do we do?

Pollan doesn’t offer many solutions, but that’s deliberate: he does the journalist’s trick of leading you to the point of view he wants you to adopt with the way he presents the information. It worked for me, in some limited fashion. We’ll see if it has any long-term effects on my health.

One change we’re making at our house is substituting whole grains for some of the white flour we eat, particularly in bread. (As nobody’s succeeded in making a whole wheat pasta that tastes good, we’re sticking with the standard stuff, however.) My favorite hobby is baking bread, so I went back to texts like Peter Reinhart’s Whole Grain Breads and Artisan Breads Every Day to develop my skills in the whole wheat realm. In the bibliography of ABED Reinhart mentioned a seminal book called Six Thousand Years of Bread: Its Holy and Unholy History. Published in 1944 by H.E. Jacob, a German Jew who was imprisoned in both Dachau and Buchenwald, the book’s title says it all.

It would be wrong, however, to describe the book as a history of bread; it’s actually a history of mankind’s relationship with bread, starting from prehistory and ending with the advent of World War Two. Jacob describes every facet of this relationship, from grain types to farm implements, religious rites to cultural customs, and famine to war. His airy, storytelling style keeps it from being a dry recitation of events, and instead narrates the love affair with wheat we humans have engaged in for millennia. You’ll learn why both the miller and the baker have been so reviled throughout history, the secrets behind food riots in France and Germany, and how America fed the Allied forces in World War I, among many other things. It’s lengthy and detailed, but if you want the inside story on such a universal, foundational food, Six Thousand Years of Bread is a must-read.

Bon appétit!

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Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: book reviews, non-fiction, six thousand years of bread, the omnivore's dilemma

Attack from Planet B Review: Mafia Women

January 14, 2020 by David Dubrow Leave a Comment

Who doesn’t like mob movies? Not me. That is, I do like them. Yes. I hope I’ve made myself clear. Anyway, I reviewed the Polish mob movie Mafia Women for Attack from Planet B:

Several of [writer-director Patryk] Vega’s characters were lifted without attribution from older, better intellectual properties. The bald police captain has a Kojak-like penchant for eating lollipops. The mafia boss is given to experiencing Tony Soprano-style panic attacks. The boss’s teenage daughter is the worst singer in Warsaw, but everyone applauds her cat-strangling efforts. Et cetera. Basically, law enforcement and crime families in Poland are the same as American cops and goons, except the Poles eat pierogi and the Americans eat pizza.

Oh, but does it coalesce into a delicious kielbasa stew, or is it as bad as Vega’s Botoks? Only one way to find out, and that’s by clicking!

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Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: attack from planet b, feminism, mafia women, movie review

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"It began to drizzle rain and he turned on the windshield wipers; they made a great clatter like two idiots clapping in church." --Flannery O'Connor, Wise Blood

"Squop chicken? I never get enough to eat when I eat squop chicken. I told you that when we sat down. You gotta give me that. I told you when we sat down, I said frankly I said this is not my idea of a meal, squop chicken. I'm a big eater." --John O'Hara, BUtterfield 8

I saw the 1977 cartoon The Hobbit as a little boy, and it kindled a love of heroic fantasy that has never left me. Orson Bean's passing is terrible news. Rest in peace.

Obviously, these young people have been poorly served by their parents, but the honest search for practical information should be lauded, not contemned.

You shouldn't look at or use Twitter, and this story is another perfect example. There's so much that's wrong here that it would take a battalion of clergy, philosophers, and psychologists to fully map it out, let alone treat the issue.

This is the advertising copy for Ilana Glazer's stand-up comedy special The Planet Is Burning: "Ilana Glazer‘s debut standup special is trés lol, and turns out - she one funny b. Check out Ilana’s thoughts on partnership, being a successful stoner adult, Nazis, Diva Cups, and more. Hold on to your nuts cuz this hour proves how useless the patriarchy is. For Christ’s sake, The Planet Is Burning, and it’s time a short, queer, hairy New York Jew screams it in your face!" This is written to make you want to watch it.

In the midst of reading books about modern farming, the 6,000 year history of bread, and ancient grains, I found this just-published piece by farmer and scholar Victor Davis Hanson: Remembering the Farming Way.

"I then confront the decreasing power of the movement in order to demonstrate the need for increased theorizations of the reflexive capacities of institutionalized power structures to sustain oppositional education social movements." Yes. Of course.

You should definitely check out Atomickristin's sci-fi story Women in Fridges.

As it turns out, there may yet be some kind of personal cost for attempting to incite a social media mob into violence against a teenage boy you don't know, but decided to hate anyway because reasons.

One of the biggest problems with internet content is that the vast majority of sites don't pay their writers, and it shows in the lack of quality writing. It's hard to find decent writers, and harder to scrape up the cash to pay them. This piece is a shining example of the problem of free content: it's worth what you pay for.

If you're interested in understanding our current cultural insanity, the best primer available is Douglas Murray's The Madness of Crowds. Thoughtful, entertaining, and incisive.

More laws are dumb. More law enforcement is dumb. The only proper response to violence is overwhelming violence. End the assault. There's a rising anti-semitism problem in New York because Jews who act like victims are being victimized by predators. None of these attacks are random. Carry a weapon and practice deploying it under duress. Be alert and aware. I don't understand why the women Tiffany Harris attacked didn't flatten her face into the pavement, but once word gets around that the consequences of violence are grave, the violence will lessen.

When are you assholes going to understand that this stupidity doesn't work any longer? Nobody gives much of a damn if you think we're sexist because we don't want to see a movie you think we should see. It only makes us dislike you that much more, and you started out being an unlikable asshole. Find a new way to shame normal people.

The movie Terms of Endearment still holds up more than 35 years later, and if you're looking for a tearjerker, this is your jam. One element that didn't get a lot of mention is, at the end, when Flap, with a shrug, decides that his mother-in-law will become the mother of his children once Emma dies. He abandons them, and nothing is made of it. This always troubled me.

You need to read this story the next time you feel the urge to complain. And if you need a shot of admiration for another family's courage, check this out.

Progressive political activist and children's author J.K. Rowling finds herself on the wrong side of a mob she helped to create. The Woke Sandwich she's been trying to force-feed others since she earned enough f-you money doesn't taste as good as it looks when she's obliged to take a bite.

I need you to check out The Kohen Chronicles and pray for this family. Their 5-year-old son has cancer.

Currently, the movie Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker stands at 55% at Rotten Tomatoes. Don't forget that these are the same reviewers who not only adored the absolutely execrable The Last Jedi, but insisted that you were a MAGA hat-wearing incel white supremacist manbaby for not loving The Last Jedi. So either The Rise of Skywalker is an objectively bad film, or it simply wasn't woke enough to earn plaudits from our movie-reviewing moral and intellectual betters.

It's easy to hate the older pop bands like Genesis for their popularity, but they were capable of genius, and it shows in No Son of Mine.

If you want to know which identity group has more clout, read this story of the Zola ads on the Hallmark Channel.

Rest in peace, René Auberjonois. I remember you from Benson as a kid. As an adult, I remember you as Janos Audron in the Legacy of Kain video game series. You made every role you were in a classic.

Elf on a Shelf Follies, Part 2:
8-year-old: I wrote the elf a note! I hope he writes back.
Me: What did you write?
8yo: I asked if he has any friends.
Me: What if he says it's none of your business?
8yo: *eyes grow dark and glittering* Then I'll...touch him.
Me: Ah. Mutually assured destruction, then.

Elf on a Shelf Follies, Part 1: My 8-year-old got an Elf on the Shelf the other day. The book it came with tells a story in doggerel about this elf's purpose, which is to spy on the kid and report his doings to Santa Claus, who would then determine if the kid is worthy for Christmas presents this year. The book also said for the kid not to touch him, or the magic would fade, and for the family to give the elf a name. I wanted to name him Stasi. I was outvoted.

Actor Billy Dee Williams calls himself a man or a woman, depending on whim; his character Lando Calrissian is "pansexual," and his writer implies that he'd become intimate with anyone or anything, including, one presumes, a dog, a toaster, or a baby. J.J. Abrams is very concerned about LGBTQ representation in the Star Wars universe. This is Hollywood. This is Star Wars. This is what's important to the people in charge of your cinematic entertainment. Are you not entertained?

The funniest thing on the internet today is the number of people angry over an exercise bike commercial. Public outrage is always funny. Always.

One of the biggest mistakes the United States has ever made since WWII was recruiting for clandestine and federal law enforcement organizations at Ivy League schools. The best talent pools were/are available from local law enforcement and military veterans, with their maturity and, most importantly, field experience. We've been reaping the costs of these terrible decisions for decades, culminating in a hopelessly politicized, sub-competent FBI and CIA.

Watching Fauda seasons 1 and 2 again in preparation for season 3 to be broadcast, one hopes, in early 2020. Here's my back-of-the-matchbook review of season 2.

Every day I try to be grateful for what I have, even in the face of the petty frustrations and troubles that pockmark a day spent outside of one's living room, binge-watching Netflix. We live lives of ease in 21st century America, making it enormously difficult to do anything but take one's countless blessings for granted. Holidays like the just-passed Thanksgiving are helpful reminders. There's a reason why people call the attitude of a thankful heart practicing gratitude, not just feeling grateful. You have to practice it. You have to remind yourself of what you have. It's the work of a lifetime.

Held Back: A Recent Conversation.
8-year-old: Oh, and Jamie was there, too. He was in my first grade class two years ago.
Me: Wasn't he held back a year?
8yo: Yeah. It's because he kept going to the bathroom with the door open.
Me: No way!
8yo: And girls saw.
Me: That's not right. They're not going to hold a kid back a whole year over that.
8yo: Well, that's what he told me.
Me: Sounds fishy.
8yo: I believe him.
~fin~

It's right and good to push a raft of politically correct social justice policies on everything else under the sun, but when social justice invades Hollywood, that's just a bridge too far, says Terry Gilliam. Sorry, Terry: you helped make this sandwich. EAT IT.

Rob Henderson's piece on luxury beliefs will have you nodding your head over and over again...unless you subscribe to these luxury beliefs, in which case you'll get mad.

I've made the Saturday bread from Flour Water Salt Yeast so often that I've memorized the recipe. It never disappoints. Never. The same recipe works well for pizza, too.

Liberty doesn't mean the freedom to do anything you want. The true definition of liberty is the ability to choose the good. Anything less is libertinism.

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