David Dubrow

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Calliope, Irma, and Me

September 19, 2017 by David Dubrow 6 Comments

David Dubrow, Robert Bidinotto, David Angsten

A couple of months ago I received an invitation to mentor some novelists at the Calliope Workshop for Fiction and Nonfiction Authors, hosted at the offices of Taliesin Nexus in Los Angeles, California. Deeply honored, I accepted.

As the weeks flew by and I received manuscripts from the writers I would mentor, the specter of Hurricane Irma rose in the Caribbean, heading straight for my home state of Florida. Every day I checked the projected paths, spaghetti models, and weather forecasts, all of which said the same thing: Irma was coming, and if I attended the workshop, I would be leaving my wife and son to face the storm alone. Despite this, Mrs Dubrow, who is easily the most capable person I know, insisted I go.

So, heart in my mouth, I went.

We had been preparing for such a storm for years: our house is situated in a non-evacuation zone, which means that it’s the sort of place you want to evacuate to if there’s any risk of flooding. We had landscaped in such a way as to minimize the danger of trees crashing through the roof (trees on our property, anyway), and we had acquired plenty of water and food if everything went to pot. And, best of all, we live close to a hurricane shelter in case the gale drives our neighbors’ tree limbs through our windows. While it’s impossible to prep for every contingency, we were ready.

And yet, I worried.

As for the workshop, it was a transformative experience. There’s nothing like teaching others the fundamentals to keep you yourself learning, and in between mentoring sessions, a number of brilliant and successful writers gave panel discussions, like Adam Bellow, Robert Bidinotto, Ann Bridges, Nick Cole, Andrew Klavan, and Ken Lizzi. David Bernstein of Liberty Island led a discussion on marketing and sales. Michael Walsh was the keynote speaker.  Best of all, I met my friend David Angsten face to face at long last; David, another panelist, recommended me for this gig, and he’s one of those rare people you like more and more the better you know him. I was also privileged to meet Andrew Malcolm of Hot Air, as well as some other columnists whose material I had read and enjoyed over the years.

Irma hung over everything. In the layover between connecting flights to California, the airline canceled my flight home, days in advance. The hurricane was scheduled to hit the west coast of Florida late Sunday night, and all models projected it to rampage over my very neighborhood in its path along the state. I was helpless to do anything but worry and pray, like most Floridians, but I was the one who fled and left his family behind (a silly thought, but it’s one of the things that occupies one’s mind in anxious moments). Because I didn’t know when I might be able to get home again, I arranged to fly to Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, figuring I’d stay with my older brother and his family until I could catch the next flight to Tampa. I spent Sunday night in an agony of worry until I heard from my wife, who told me that the electricity had gone out but everyone was fine.

Imagine my relief.

Once the storm drifted north, the airport opened again. The earliest flight I could get would take me halfway across the country to Dallas, Texas. Then, after a four-hour layover, from Dallas to Tampa. Not fun, but compared to what people in the Florida Keys and the Caribbean were going through, it was nothing. First-world problems. During that time, my wife and son checked into a hotel near the airport, because it’s next to impossible to live without air conditioning in Florida. My Dallas to Tampa flight was delayed four more hours, and I wasn’t reunited with my family until four o’clock in the morning that Friday.

Three days later (eight days after the storm blew out our power), electricity was restored to my house. We were among the last in the county to get power back. For us, the disaster was over.

As the things I learned, saw, and did in L.A. sort themselves into the various corners of my mind, I find myself overwhelmed by gratitude.

Thanks to God for sparing my family. Others weren’t so fortunate.

Thanks to the Calliope Workshop for putting such faith in me.

Thanks to David Angsten for recommending me for the job.

Thanks to my brother and his family, who took me in.

And last but definitely not least, thanks to Mrs Dubrow, who could’ve asked me to stay behind, but didn’t.

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Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: calliope workshop, family, me me me, writing

Coming Home: Two Stories

September 13, 2017 by David Dubrow 4 Comments

When we moved to Florida, my wife and son went first so I could pack up the house, take care of all the moving arrangements, oversee home repairs, deal with landscaping improvements, etc. They stayed with her parents while I remained in Colorado for a week and a half. My son was about 14 months old at the time, so he was still in his babyhood, moving to toddlerhood (which isn’t really a word). This is one of the reasons why parents refer to their young children’s ages in months: you expect different things from an 8-month-old than an 18-month-old. It makes more sense when it’s personally relevant, like so much else in parenting.

Boxes filled, movers tipped, and all other arrangements made, I drove our SUV to Florida from Colorado, which was rather a long, solitary trip. This took place during Tropical Storm Debbie, which lashed the southeast with torrential rain and wind. After the grueling drive, with an aching back and no sleep and the yearning for family that you experience when you’ve been away for too long, I got to my in-laws’ house very early in the morning. My wife had already left for work, so I went to the guest room where my son lay in his Pack-and-Play (his crib was still in a moving truck somewhere), and I was so happy to see him that I couldn’t speak.

My son, at the time, couldn’t have cared less. He wanted his toys, his breakfast, to be not picked up and cuddled by his father. He cried until I put him down. God, it hurt. I kind of expected it, because he was too young to be aware of the passage of time, but it hurt all the same. I missed him and he didn’t miss me. Some homecoming.

—

I think it was a year or so later when my wife and I went on a long vacation to some resort or other. (A long vacation by my definition is anything more than three days. Vacations always discomfit me, just a little. I know it’s weird.) We left our son with her parents and did the typical laze-around things one does at an all-inclusive resort: swam in the pool, ate a lot, drank a lot, hung out on the beach, read books, etc. When we got back to my in-laws’, it was around time to wake up our son from his afternoon nap. This is something I remember as clear as I can recall what I had for breakfast today: I went into the darkened bedroom, and there he was in the Pack-and-Play bed. Roused from sleep by the sound of the door opening, my son stood up, with his blond hair all tangled and his striped romper creased, and he saw me, and he smiled, and he said, simply, “Daddy.”

And the wound that he had unknowingly opened in me a year before was healed.

Parenthood is full of these injuries. Some of them heal, some just scab over. It may be that God intended for us to be younger when we’re parents, because it teaches us to be better children while our parents are still alive. I wish I had been a better son, and I try every day to be a good father.

—

A prior engagement, the details of which I will relate in a future post, kept me away from home when Hurricane Irma struck, and has stranded me for much longer than anyone would like. Pleasantly, my family and house are both in good shape, which is all I can ask for and more than I deserve. I’ll be home soon.

I can’t wait.

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Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: family, me me me, parenthood

MRE Experiment: Menu 12

May 23, 2017 by David Dubrow Leave a Comment

My son and I like to watch science experiments on YouTube, like the Backyard Scientist channel and the Crazy Russian Hacker channel. Lately, the Crazy Russian Hacker has been filming the unpacking and consumption of MREs that people mail him from around the world. (MRE stands for Meal Ready to Eat. For more information on military chow in the field, click here.) It’s fascinating to see these military food kits, particularly the ones that include breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

We like to get out and do things we see on video, within reason. Including science experiments. As I don’t have a 25-pound Gummy Bear and a bunch of M-80s to ram up its poop chute, let alone a slow-motion camera to capture what happens when it explodes, I figured the next best thing would be to acquire an MRE myself so we could see what was in it and how it tasted. Unlike the men and women in the United States military, we’re doing this in ease and air conditioning; we’re not fooling ourselves into thinking we’re roughing it in any fashion. The MRE I got is Meal 12: Penne With Vegetable Sausage Crumbles in Spicy Tomato Sauce.

Everything came in this one package. Note the helpful description on the front.

 

Clockwise from top left: non-dairy creamer, sugar, chewing gum, instant coffee, salt, Tabasco sauce

 

Clockwise from left: heating kit, matches, toilet paper, wet wipe, hot beverage container, spoon

 

Clockwise from top left: nut raisin mix, lemon-lime drink powder, penne with vegetable crumbles in sauce, white wheat snack bread, energy bar, chocolate peanut spread

[Read more…]

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Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: family, food, me me me, mre test, science

Family Film Reviews

November 23, 2016 by David Dubrow Leave a Comment

Football won’t last the whole weekend, so with the family gathered ’round, you might watch a film. Here are two short reviews of family-themed movies that you may want to consider.

tallulahThe first is a Netflix movie: Tallulah. It’s not a family movie, but it does center around family. If you get my drift. The premise is that a homeless woman kidnaps a baby from a drunken housewife to raise on her own, and adventures ensue. Aside from a few genuinely affecting moments, Tallulah was mostly a failure from beginning to end. The actors did a great job of portraying unlikable characters who you can’t help but want to never see again for the rest of your life. Certain story elements required bizarre character decisions to move the plot forward, like the eponymous Tallulah character deciding, after kidnapping the baby, to re-visit her ex-boyfriend’s hostile mother for help. Nobody asked the right questions regarding the sudden appearance of the baby, and the resolution of the story was too pat. Tammy Blanchard was the stand-out as the horrible drunken mom who you love to hate. Frederic Lehne and John Benjamin Hickey played the same characters they always play on the screen. Allison Janney was a looming, stork-like presence. You probably have better things to do with your time than watch it. Two stars out of five.

little-boyThe second film is called Little Boy. A piece of magical realism, it revolves around themes of family, grief, alienation, and friendship. In it, an eight-year-old boy named Pepper tries to make a deal, of sorts, with God to end World War II so his dad could come back home. It has all the elements of magical realism: unexpected (and bizarre humor), strange coincidences, and weird characters, wrapped around the solid core of faith. Some of the themes worked better than others, but it comes together in a powerful story. It’s dreadfully manipulative, yes, with plenty of tears for the audience, but this isn’t a subtle film, nor is it meant to be. Jakob Salvati, the actor who plays Pepper, turned in a terrific performance. Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa was great, as usual, as were Michael Rapaport and Tom Wilkinson. Just go see it and let me know what you think. Four stars out of five.

Have a great Thanksgiving.

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Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: faith, family, little boy, magical realism, movie reviews, tallulah

Movie Review: I’ll Follow You Down

February 17, 2016 by David Dubrow 1 Comment

I’ll Follow You Down is a profoundly affecting film that raises a number of philosophical questions that resonate long after it’s over. In it, Gabriel, a physicist with a wife and a small child, goes missing during a business trip. Years later, his family learns that his disappearance was a profoundly unnatural occurrence, one that they might be able to…correct.11178077_ori

The performances were quite good, particularly Haley Joel Osment as Erol, Gabriel’s son. He does a tremendous job as a conflicted slacker-genius, adding depth to a role that might have come off as hackneyed in a lesser talent’s hands. Gillian Anderson as his mother played a tragic figure: brittle, doomed, and sorrowful. Victor Garber and Susanna Fournier rounded out the cast as grandfather and love interest, respectively. While Rufus Sewell as Gabriel didn’t have a lot of screen time, he was his usual, watchable self, and it’s always refreshing to see him outside of the antagonist role.

The question of fate over free will loomed large over the script: the events of the movie seemed to inexorably push Erol toward fixing his father’s mistake, despite a later decision to move away from it and live the life he has instead of the one he was supposed to have. Fournier as Erol’s girlfriend Grace sets up a terrible dilemma for him, one that can’t help but tear him in two.

Because this is a story about people and family instead of gadgets and science, you won’t find a lot of special effects. The mechanism used to look for Gabriel isn’t as important as the journey itself. It might even qualify as a family movie except for a repeated expletive and a shocking act of violence at the end that has you reeling until the credits roll.

Can one choose work over family, or is the question itself a false choice? Are we living the lives we’re supposed to, or should we fix them if given the chance?

Hard to say. Go see the film and think about it. 4 out of 5 stars.

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Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: family, good movie, movie review, science fiction

"It began to drizzle rain and he turned on the windshield wipers; they made a great clatter like two idiots clapping in church." --Flannery O'Connor, Wise Blood

"Squop chicken? I never get enough to eat when I eat squop chicken. I told you that when we sat down. You gotta give me that. I told you when we sat down, I said frankly I said this is not my idea of a meal, squop chicken. I'm a big eater." --John O'Hara, BUtterfield 8

I saw the 1977 cartoon The Hobbit as a little boy, and it kindled a love of heroic fantasy that has never left me. Orson Bean's passing is terrible news. Rest in peace.

Obviously, these young people have been poorly served by their parents, but the honest search for practical information should be lauded, not contemned.

You shouldn't look at or use Twitter, and this story is another perfect example. There's so much that's wrong here that it would take a battalion of clergy, philosophers, and psychologists to fully map it out, let alone treat the issue.

This is the advertising copy for Ilana Glazer's stand-up comedy special The Planet Is Burning: "Ilana Glazer‘s debut standup special is trés lol, and turns out - she one funny b. Check out Ilana’s thoughts on partnership, being a successful stoner adult, Nazis, Diva Cups, and more. Hold on to your nuts cuz this hour proves how useless the patriarchy is. For Christ’s sake, The Planet Is Burning, and it’s time a short, queer, hairy New York Jew screams it in your face!" This is written to make you want to watch it.

In the midst of reading books about modern farming, the 6,000 year history of bread, and ancient grains, I found this just-published piece by farmer and scholar Victor Davis Hanson: Remembering the Farming Way.

"I then confront the decreasing power of the movement in order to demonstrate the need for increased theorizations of the reflexive capacities of institutionalized power structures to sustain oppositional education social movements." Yes. Of course.

You should definitely check out Atomickristin's sci-fi story Women in Fridges.

As it turns out, there may yet be some kind of personal cost for attempting to incite a social media mob into violence against a teenage boy you don't know, but decided to hate anyway because reasons.

One of the biggest problems with internet content is that the vast majority of sites don't pay their writers, and it shows in the lack of quality writing. It's hard to find decent writers, and harder to scrape up the cash to pay them. This piece is a shining example of the problem of free content: it's worth what you pay for.

If you're interested in understanding our current cultural insanity, the best primer available is Douglas Murray's The Madness of Crowds. Thoughtful, entertaining, and incisive.

More laws are dumb. More law enforcement is dumb. The only proper response to violence is overwhelming violence. End the assault. There's a rising anti-semitism problem in New York because Jews who act like victims are being victimized by predators. None of these attacks are random. Carry a weapon and practice deploying it under duress. Be alert and aware. I don't understand why the women Tiffany Harris attacked didn't flatten her face into the pavement, but once word gets around that the consequences of violence are grave, the violence will lessen.

When are you assholes going to understand that this stupidity doesn't work any longer? Nobody gives much of a damn if you think we're sexist because we don't want to see a movie you think we should see. It only makes us dislike you that much more, and you started out being an unlikable asshole. Find a new way to shame normal people.

The movie Terms of Endearment still holds up more than 35 years later, and if you're looking for a tearjerker, this is your jam. One element that didn't get a lot of mention is, at the end, when Flap, with a shrug, decides that his mother-in-law will become the mother of his children once Emma dies. He abandons them, and nothing is made of it. This always troubled me.

You need to read this story the next time you feel the urge to complain. And if you need a shot of admiration for another family's courage, check this out.

Progressive political activist and children's author J.K. Rowling finds herself on the wrong side of a mob she helped to create. The Woke Sandwich she's been trying to force-feed others since she earned enough f-you money doesn't taste as good as it looks when she's obliged to take a bite.

I need you to check out The Kohen Chronicles and pray for this family. Their 5-year-old son has cancer.

Currently, the movie Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker stands at 55% at Rotten Tomatoes. Don't forget that these are the same reviewers who not only adored the absolutely execrable The Last Jedi, but insisted that you were a MAGA hat-wearing incel white supremacist manbaby for not loving The Last Jedi. So either The Rise of Skywalker is an objectively bad film, or it simply wasn't woke enough to earn plaudits from our movie-reviewing moral and intellectual betters.

It's easy to hate the older pop bands like Genesis for their popularity, but they were capable of genius, and it shows in No Son of Mine.

If you want to know which identity group has more clout, read this story of the Zola ads on the Hallmark Channel.

Rest in peace, René Auberjonois. I remember you from Benson as a kid. As an adult, I remember you as Janos Audron in the Legacy of Kain video game series. You made every role you were in a classic.

Elf on a Shelf Follies, Part 2:
8-year-old: I wrote the elf a note! I hope he writes back.
Me: What did you write?
8yo: I asked if he has any friends.
Me: What if he says it's none of your business?
8yo: *eyes grow dark and glittering* Then I'll...touch him.
Me: Ah. Mutually assured destruction, then.

Elf on a Shelf Follies, Part 1: My 8-year-old got an Elf on the Shelf the other day. The book it came with tells a story in doggerel about this elf's purpose, which is to spy on the kid and report his doings to Santa Claus, who would then determine if the kid is worthy for Christmas presents this year. The book also said for the kid not to touch him, or the magic would fade, and for the family to give the elf a name. I wanted to name him Stasi. I was outvoted.

Actor Billy Dee Williams calls himself a man or a woman, depending on whim; his character Lando Calrissian is "pansexual," and his writer implies that he'd become intimate with anyone or anything, including, one presumes, a dog, a toaster, or a baby. J.J. Abrams is very concerned about LGBTQ representation in the Star Wars universe. This is Hollywood. This is Star Wars. This is what's important to the people in charge of your cinematic entertainment. Are you not entertained?

The funniest thing on the internet today is the number of people angry over an exercise bike commercial. Public outrage is always funny. Always.

One of the biggest mistakes the United States has ever made since WWII was recruiting for clandestine and federal law enforcement organizations at Ivy League schools. The best talent pools were/are available from local law enforcement and military veterans, with their maturity and, most importantly, field experience. We've been reaping the costs of these terrible decisions for decades, culminating in a hopelessly politicized, sub-competent FBI and CIA.

Watching Fauda seasons 1 and 2 again in preparation for season 3 to be broadcast, one hopes, in early 2020. Here's my back-of-the-matchbook review of season 2.

Every day I try to be grateful for what I have, even in the face of the petty frustrations and troubles that pockmark a day spent outside of one's living room, binge-watching Netflix. We live lives of ease in 21st century America, making it enormously difficult to do anything but take one's countless blessings for granted. Holidays like the just-passed Thanksgiving are helpful reminders. There's a reason why people call the attitude of a thankful heart practicing gratitude, not just feeling grateful. You have to practice it. You have to remind yourself of what you have. It's the work of a lifetime.

Held Back: A Recent Conversation.
8-year-old: Oh, and Jamie was there, too. He was in my first grade class two years ago.
Me: Wasn't he held back a year?
8yo: Yeah. It's because he kept going to the bathroom with the door open.
Me: No way!
8yo: And girls saw.
Me: That's not right. They're not going to hold a kid back a whole year over that.
8yo: Well, that's what he told me.
Me: Sounds fishy.
8yo: I believe him.
~fin~

It's right and good to push a raft of politically correct social justice policies on everything else under the sun, but when social justice invades Hollywood, that's just a bridge too far, says Terry Gilliam. Sorry, Terry: you helped make this sandwich. EAT IT.

Rob Henderson's piece on luxury beliefs will have you nodding your head over and over again...unless you subscribe to these luxury beliefs, in which case you'll get mad.

I've made the Saturday bread from Flour Water Salt Yeast so often that I've memorized the recipe. It never disappoints. Never. The same recipe works well for pizza, too.

Liberty doesn't mean the freedom to do anything you want. The true definition of liberty is the ability to choose the good. Anything less is libertinism.

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