David Dubrow

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Odds and Ends 8/22/2017

August 21, 2017 by David Dubrow 1 Comment

If you are reading this you have survived the Great Solar Eclipse of 2017. The world has (probably) not ended, civilization has not (yet) collapsed, and various Rapture-like disappearances have (likely) not come to pass. If you have also survived the Great Mayan Apocalypse of 2012, not to mention Y2K, I salute you: 2017 needs more people of your caliber.

Even though nobody’s asked for my thoughts regarding Confederate monuments, I will provide them anyway, because I’m generous. Keep in mind that I’m white, Jewish, a Yankee, and my family came to the United States after the Civil War, so those of you who find identity politics important may freely disregard anything I say about this or any other subject. In any event, it’s ludicrous that anyone of conscience can tolerate the endlessly-outraged mob destroying Confederate statues across the U.S. This is a local issue and should be handled locally, through the legal process. You don’t want General Robert E. Lee memorialized in the town square? Put his monument’s removal to a vote and let the people who have to see it every day decide. If such monuments have been erected on federal land, then those of us outraged by their presence should raise the funds to have them moved to more suitable venues, like battlefields and museums. Otherwise, they stay.

Despite arguments to the contrary, the issue of slavery was always at the root of the Civil War, and the men who went to war for the Confederacy wanted to uphold it as an institution. As horrible as that war was, we fought it, the right side won, and the United States, as a country, has overcome this original sin of slavery to become a moral beacon for the world to admire. None of the destructive maniacs bent on erasing this history through violence will ever do anything as great as Joshua Lawrence Chamberlain, Ulysses S. Grant, or Abraham Lincoln. Hell, they’ll never achieve anything more admirable than successfully dropping frozen potatoes into a fryolator.

This need to morally preen, to burnish one’s ethical bona-fides at the expense of history, has been in practice for some time. The removal of Lovecraft’s bust from the World Fantasy Award is a prime example. It’s not going to stop with Confederate generals. The Framers of the Constitution are next.

—

We finished watching seasons 1 and 2 of the television show Broadchurch. It’s a crime drama set in a small seaside town where an 11-year-old boy was murdered and a new detective inspector (David Tennant) is brought in to solve the crime. It’s my understanding that Tennant starred in Doctor Who as the titular Doctor, but as I haven’t watched the show since the late 1980’s, I don’t have much experience with it. Broadchurch is entertaining, if a bit draggy in parts, with an unnecessary second season (and, it turns out, an even more unnecessary third season). If you’re a fan of those slow-moving English crime programs, you’ll love Broadchurch. It was kind of a take it or leave it show for me.

(I watch about 90 minutes of television a day: one cooking program and one narrative-style program. Is that a lot?)

—

Even though I like to cook food for my family, as it’s healthier and tastier overall than the vast majority of restaurants one might go to, we do occasionally indulge in a fast food dinner. With that in mind, here is my ironclad list of Top 5 Fast Food Restaurants:

  • 5: Subway – Appalling choice of spokesman notwithstanding, they make tasty sandwiches on the cheap. What’s not to like?
  • 4: Five Guys – My appreciation for this burger joint deserves a post all its own, even though it’s number 4 on the list.
  • 3: Smashburger – The quality of the food is better than Five Guys. Also, real ice cream in the shakes. And smashfries.
  • 2: Tropical Smoothie Cafe – On a video shoot far from home I ate a Jamaican Jerk Chicken Wrap and a Peanut Butter Cup smoothie every day for a week and a half and didn’t get the least bit tired of it. Yeah, I don’t know what’s wrong with me, either.
  • 1: Chick-fil-a – Aside from the food being quite nice, I like being able to tell people that my favorite fast food chicken is seasoned with hate.

You could argue with this list, but you’d be wrong. I didn’t include pizza joints because pizza is its own form of sustenance that transcends mere fast food.

—

Another week, another Hollywood divorce that’s none of our business and yet has become so. Let’s take a look at this quote from Joss Whedon himself, according to his ex-wife:

When I was running ‘Buffy,’ I was surrounded by beautiful, needy, aggressive young women. It felt like I had a disease, like something from a Greek myth. Suddenly I am a powerful producer and the world is laid out at my feet and I can’t touch it.

Well, apparently he did touch it. He touched it a lot. Interesting how he characterized the women who worked for him: “beautiful, needy, aggressive.” What we’ve seen for decades is that Hollywood marriages tend to break up quite a bit, and in spectacular fashion to boot. What we’ve also seen for at least as long is how these Hollywood panjandrums hold themselves up as moral exemplars, preaching ethics to us backwards, cousin-humping hicks in flyover country with every utterance. Maybe it’s long past time that we stopped looking to them to teach us anything except how not to act. Is contributing to the debauched lifestyles of these garbage people the best way to spend your entertainment dollars?

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Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: broadchurch, confederate monuments, culture, current events, fast food, five guys, joss whedon, marriage, statue, television

Odds and Ends 8/8/2017

August 8, 2017 by David Dubrow 3 Comments

I recently got back from a trip to SeaWorld in Orlando, Florida. While reasonable people might question the wisdom of walking around outside for hours during the hottest, most humid days of the year, my family defies conventional wisdom every day. And sweats a lot. The dolphin show, the sea lion and otter show, and the penguin exhibit were our favorite parts of the park. The penguin exhibit was freezing cold, so it was quite an experience to haul one’s soaking body into a frigid chamber filled with penguins, snow, and the most miserable, parka-clad park attendants I have ever seen. Also, there was a grown man at our hotel pool who had a Mr. Potato Head tattoo on his shoulder blade. It’s not relevant to anything, but I wanted to get it out there before I forgot. The park’s too big to see everything in one day; best budget for two or three. And go when it’s cooler.

—

HBO is planning a television series that will depict a reality where the South won the American Civil War, or at least seceded from the Union. The very idea has made many people very upset, mostly because they’re concerned that the series won’t be sensitive/woke enough for today’s enlightened audience. This is an argument that makes no sense to anyone paying attention to news and cultural trends: the showrunners are far-left ideologues who fantasized about beheading George W Bush on their other show, Game of Thrones. (They’re lying when they say it was an honest mistake. Mistakes like that don’t just happen.) The showrunners’ obvious intent is to portray how the U.S. today is horribly racist toward people of color through this ludicrous fiction, thereby dividing the country even further along racial lines.

I watched the first season of Game of Thrones. I also read through the first 1.5 books of the series. But once the presidential assassination fantasies came to light, I decided my entertainment time was better spent elsewhere. I’d have done the same if these shit-throwing chimpanzees had put in an Obama head as a stand-in for Ned’s. Knowing who makes this show, knowing the sickness that’s seething in what masquerades as hearts within the hollow chests of these people, I’m surprised and dismayed that the program still enjoys an audience. Its popularity is as shining a symbol of our culture’s coarsening as one can behold.

—

I finished watching both seasons of Fortitude. The first season, despite its slowness, was tighter than the second, and had a more coherent story. The science fiction elements were subtle, the character relationships were realistic, and the violence was horrifically disturbing. One thing that troubled me was that the setting didn’t seem as cold as it should have, even though the show took place in the coldest part of the world still habitable by human beings. The second season had Dennis Quaid, who was likable but kind of unnecessary. He’s better in more comedic roles. In theme it shifted to more supernatural elements, which muddied everything for no good reason. The Returned Dan made it more watchable than it deserved to be.

—

Over the last week or so I’ve been reading Nicholas Guild’s two-novel series The Assyrian. Historical fiction doesn’t get much better. It’s got blood, sex, intrigue, and a touch of mysticism a la Gary Jennings. The great thing about historical fiction as a genre is that it never loses its relevance.

—

Actors Chris Pratt and Anna Faris are separating. This has nothing to do with me or anyone else except for the people directly involved, but it’s all over the news, so they’ve made it my business. Because it’s now my business, I get to comment on this one line in their social media separation notice (let it sink in that social media separation notices exist and try not to experience too much despair): “We tried hard for a long time, and we’re really disappointed.” They tried hard. For a long time. And they’re really disappointed. So their marriage isn’t a lot different from a football game. Couldn’t they have tried really hard for a very long time? Perhaps they’d be less disappointed.

I don’t pretend to know the stresses their marriage underwent, but I do know that being married isn’t always easy. It’s not supposed to be. Anything worthwhile is difficult to achieve, maintain, and uphold. It’s stupid and unrealistic and damaging to one’s children to go into it thinking otherwise. I’m not unsympathetic to this family, but I can’t help but think that the cavalier wording of the social media separation notice might reflect the nature of the principals’ commitment to marriage.

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Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: confederacy, culture, fortitude, game of thrones, marriage, me me me, nicholas guild, the assyrian

Elf on a Shelf Follies, Part 2:
8-year-old: I wrote the elf a note! I hope he writes back.
Me: What did you write?
8yo: I asked if he has any friends.
Me: What if he says it's none of your business?
8yo: *eyes grow dark and glittering* Then I'll...touch him.
Me: Ah. Mutually assured destruction, then.

Elf on a Shelf Follies, Part 1: My 8-year-old got an Elf on the Shelf the other day. The book it came with tells a story in doggerel about this elf's purpose, which is to spy on the kid and report his doings to Santa Claus, who would then determine if the kid is worthy for Christmas presents this year. The book also said for the kid not to touch him, or the magic would fade, and for the family to give the elf a name. I wanted to name him Stasi. I was outvoted.

Actor Billy Dee Williams calls himself a man or a woman, depending on whim; his character Lando Calrissian is "pansexual," and his writer implies that he'd become intimate with anyone or anything, including, one presumes, a dog, a toaster, or a baby. J.J. Abrams is very concerned about LGBTQ representation in the Star Wars universe. This is Hollywood. This is Star Wars. This is what's important to the people in charge of your cinematic entertainment. Are you not entertained?

The funniest thing on the internet today is the number of people angry over an exercise bike commercial. Public outrage is always funny. Always.

One of the biggest mistakes the United States has ever made since WWII was recruiting for clandestine and federal law enforcement organizations at Ivy League schools. The best talent pools were/are available from local law enforcement and military veterans, with their maturity and, most importantly, field experience. We've been reaping the costs of these terrible decisions for decades, culminating in a hopelessly politicized, sub-competent FBI and CIA.

I love Christmastime, despite being Jewish. The lights, the presents, the spirit of generosity. I do feel left out, however; my neighbors have nice Christmas lights, inflatable Santas, animatronic reindeer that crop the grass, and illuminated Nativity scenes. As Hanukkah isn't a big holiday for Jews, we just don't have those kinds of decorations. However, if someone crafts an inflatable scene of a Jewish guerrilla warrior caving in a Syrian Greek's head with a hammer, I'll buy it and put it in the front yard.

Watching Fauda seasons 1 and 2 again in preparation for season 3 to be broadcast, one hopes, in early 2020. Here's my back-of-the-matchbook review of season 2.

Every day I try to be grateful for what I have, even in the face of the petty frustrations and troubles that pockmark a day spent outside of one's living room, binge-watching Netflix. We live lives of ease in 21st century America, making it enormously difficult to do anything but take one's countless blessings for granted. Holidays like the just-passed Thanksgiving are helpful reminders. There's a reason why people call the attitude of a thankful heart practicing gratitude, not just feeling grateful. You have to practice it. You have to remind yourself of what you have. It's the work of a lifetime.

Held Back: A Recent Conversation.
8-year-old: Oh, and Jamie was there, too. He was in my first grade class two years ago.
Me: Wasn't he held back a year?
8yo: Yeah. It's because he kept going to the bathroom with the door open.
Me: No way!
8yo: And girls saw.
Me: That's not right. They're not going to hold a kid back a whole year over that.
8yo: Well, that's what he told me.
Me: Sounds fishy.
8yo: I believe him.
~fin~

It's right and good to push a raft of politically correct social justice policies on everything else under the sun, but when social justice invades Hollywood, that's just a bridge too far, says Terry Gilliam. Sorry, Terry: you helped make this sandwich. EAT IT.

Well, it makes me feel gross to be coerced into participating in a mentally ill person's sexual hang-ups without my consent, so I guess everyone's unhappy.

Let's hear it for adults taking time out of their day to help kids play team sports! Or...or not, as is the case here. I'd be pretty embarrassed if I was one of the parents, but there may be more to this story than we can see in this video.

They'll be doing Drag Queen Story Hour hosted by Desmond is Amazing in your local Chick-fil-A by 2025 at the latest.

Episode 45 of the Red Pilled America podcast is a disturbing look into a court case that raises the question: can you really tell if someone is lying?

Rob Henderson's piece on luxury beliefs will have you nodding your head over and over again...unless you subscribe to these luxury beliefs, in which case you'll get mad.

I'm late to the #FartGate controversy, as I no longer use social media, but it's a truism that when you have one asshole talking to another, you're going to get fart noises.

I've made the Saturday bread from Flour Water Salt Yeast so often that I've memorized the recipe. It never disappoints. Never. The same recipe works well for pizza, too.

Robert Lopez tells a disquieting story that suggests that there are no safe spaces for literature among the left or right.

The best part of the "Mon Laferte exposing herself story" is the wide variety of digital pasties that online outfits provide her. Flowers, dots, digital artifacts and, in creepy fashion, pure erasure.

Liberty doesn't mean the freedom to do anything you want. The true definition of liberty is the ability to choose the good. Anything less is libertinism.

“I was confused at first and then I started to doubt whether or not I should be offended.” No no, be offended. At everything.

Andrei Serban quits a tenured professorship at Columbia University because the college began to resemble the Communist country he fled from. Everything that's good and decent will be forced out in favor of woke box-checking. Are you not entertained?

Boris Zelkin elucidates a concern and proffers a solution to a problem that almost all parents of young children will have to face.

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