David Dubrow

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Swords and Sorceries Volume 4

June 13, 2022 by David Dubrow Leave a Comment

My short story The Green Wood is featured in the new anthology Swords & Sorceries: Tales of Heroic Fantasy Volume 4.

Set in a fantasy version of ancient Rome, The Green Wood is an old-school swords-and-sorcery tale filled with action, intrigue, and black magic. It’s a real honor to have my name alongside tremendous talents like Adrian Cole, whose short story collection Tough Guys was one of my all-time favorite reads.

Here’s an excerpt of The Green Wood:

Grimacing at the ache in his shoulder, a pain so fierce that he feared a plague quill had pierced his lorica armor, Lior swung his spatha in a downward cut. The long, broad-bladed sword splintered the shaft of the pike that thrust at his side, and the dirt-grimed pikeman took the edge across his jaw, severing it. Shrieking, adding to the battle din, the man staggered back, clutching the crimson ruin of his face. Lior spurred his horse to trample him into the mire of blood and dirt.

Sweat streamed into Lior’s eyes, narrowed to slits against the glare of the sun. Byzantium’s 9th Cohort had struggled and strained and fought for every yard of earth since dawn, and now, at long last, he spied the crest of the hill past ranks of armored Gauls. If Byzantium reached the high ground, the battle would be all but won.

Renewed by the possibility of victory, Lior flicked the reins to charge forward. His exhausted horse reared, and its iron-shod hooves shattered the skulls of the enemy on its way down.

“Sticking our necks out a bit, aren’t we, sir?” shouted a voice behind him.

Lior grinned. “Perhaps a hair.”

Optio Albian rode up to his left. Not as tall as Lior, but twice as broad, with skin the color of brick and a jaw that jutted aggressively past his helm’s cheek-guards. “We’re too far ahead!”

“They’ll catch up!” Panting, Lior leaned cross-body to drive his sword’s point into the upper chest of a pikeman fumbling after a missed thrust.

“D’you see anyone else?” Albian hacked arms and heads with the workmanlike chops of a butcher. His entire right side was bathed in dust-caked blood from shoulder to sandal, and the horse beneath him rolled its battle-mad eyes, barely controlled by the pressure of his knees.

“When we reach the hilltop they’ll flock to us.”

“Not if we—“ Albian paused. “DOWN!”

Without hesitation, Lior threw himself forward, along the neck of his horse.

For the rest of the story, click here to get a copy of Swords & Sorceries: Tales of Heroic Fantasy Volume 4.

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Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: anthology, fantasy, short story, swords and sorcery

Appalling Stories 4 Is Live!

December 11, 2019 by David Dubrow Leave a Comment

I’m pleased to announce that the latest installment of the Appalling Stories series is live and ready for purchase in the Amazon store.

Appalling Stories 4: Even More Appalling Tales of Social Injustice is an anthology that gathers together some of the most skilled writers in independent publishing to tell outrageous stories that traditional publishing wouldn’t touch with a ten-foot pole.

With Woke Progressivism corroding every American cultural institution, there’s only one place to find the best of the new literary counterculture, and that’s here: the Appalling Stories series.

In Appalling Stories 4, we skewer the left’s sacred cows and make burgers from the carcasses. You’ll find tales of hilarious Hollywood degeneracy, disturbing dystopias, Green New Deals gone black, old-school treasure-hunting, and much more. Triggering, microaggressions, macroaggressions, punching down, punching up, punching Antifa: like the old spaghetti sauce commercial says, it’s in there.

And it’s all fun to read. We’re not preachers or pundits: we’re entertainers, and we keep you on the edge of your seat, glued to every page.

Just don’t ask us to unstick you.

Featuring an exclusive foreword by Denise McAllister, cultural commentator and author of What Men Want to Say to Women (But Can’t).

You’ll laugh, you’ll grimace, you’ll shake your head in amazement. No matter what, you won’t be the same after reading Appalling Stories 4.

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Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: anthology, appalling stories 4, book release, short stories

Book Review: Year’s Best Hardcore Horror Volume 3

May 25, 2018 by David Dubrow Leave a Comment

I’ve read Year’s Best Hardcore Horror Volumes 1 and 2, and in reviewing each one, I alluded to the difficulty of defining “hardcore” in the context of horror. What does it mean? Year’s Best Hardcore Horror Volume 3 has horror in it, and some of the stories are kind of horrible, but is it hardcore?

More to the point, is it hardcore enough for you?

Whether it is or not, a number of the stories don’t tell a story as much as they spray descriptive passages of grotesquerie onto the page. Other tales make more sense to the author, no doubt, than the reader; perhaps your humble reviewer is just too stupid to get them. I (almost) always hold that possibility out.

With that in mind, I didn’t get Annie Neugebauer’s So Sings the Siren. I gather it meant something deep, as it started with a Kafka quote, but I lacked the wit to grasp it. The reader can comfortably accuse me of sexism and hence disregard all future opinions by my addition of The Better Part of Drowning by Octavia Cade to the less-comprehensible pile. The Watcher by Douglas Ford wasn’t as much a story as a strangled, tedious narrative focusing on racism and a sick, PTSD-suffering veteran (military vets aren’t part of a protected class like other minorities, so they make good antagonists).

In the imagery over plot pile, Tim Curran’s Scratching from the Outer Darkness goes to the Cthulhupocalypse, which is always welcome; unfortunately, there’s quite a lot of unnecessary description that drags down the narrative. Nathan Ballingrud’s The Maw posited a different kind of apocalypse, but it ladled on the imagery in big, indigestible dollops to cover a familiar story. Brian Hodge’s West of Matamoros, North of Hell ended up being extremely top-heavy without a satisfying conclusion, though it sure was hard-core enough. For me.

Ryan Harding’s Junk was entertainingly disgusting; I liked how he got into the head of an unlikable protagonist. The Cenacle by Robert Levy was very, very long and I lost interest in the last quarter. Luciano Marano’s Burnt did an admirable job of making me squirm. Fans of Matt Shaw’s brand of horror fiction will enjoy Letter from Hell, which is the best thing I can say about it. Readers who enjoy stories of priests who are less priestly than, say, Charlie Sheen will dig R. Perez de Pereda’s Bernadette. Adramelech by Sean Patrick Hazlett was a decent story told in Lovecraftian style sans tentacles. Tree Huggers by Nathan Robinson was a fun sci-fi horror tale that achieves what it sets out to do. The Social Justice crowd will grow warm and tingly over Daniel Marc Chant’s Ultra. Normal people will roll their eyes.

Tim Waggoner’s Til Death is one of my favorites. Holy cow, is it horrific and disturbing. Glenn Gray’s Break had me skipping breakfast that day. Adam Howe’s Foreign Bodies was both hysterically funny and disgusting, which he’s pretty much cornered the market on. The Dogs by Scott Smith is one of those rare stories you will find hard to forget days after you read it. Which is kind of a problem, because it’s pretty damned horrific.

The tremendous highs outweigh the mild lows in this third volume of the Year’s Best Hardcore Horror series, so I’m happy to recommend it to horror fans. Give it a look and let me know what you think.

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Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: adam howe, anthology, book review, hardcore horror, short stories

"It began to drizzle rain and he turned on the windshield wipers; they made a great clatter like two idiots clapping in church." --Flannery O'Connor, Wise Blood

"Squop chicken? I never get enough to eat when I eat squop chicken. I told you that when we sat down. You gotta give me that. I told you when we sat down, I said frankly I said this is not my idea of a meal, squop chicken. I'm a big eater." --John O'Hara, BUtterfield 8

I saw the 1977 cartoon The Hobbit as a little boy, and it kindled a love of heroic fantasy that has never left me. Orson Bean's passing is terrible news. Rest in peace.

Obviously, these young people have been poorly served by their parents, but the honest search for practical information should be lauded, not contemned.

You shouldn't look at or use Twitter, and this story is another perfect example. There's so much that's wrong here that it would take a battalion of clergy, philosophers, and psychologists to fully map it out, let alone treat the issue.

This is the advertising copy for Ilana Glazer's stand-up comedy special The Planet Is Burning: "Ilana Glazer‘s debut standup special is trés lol, and turns out - she one funny b. Check out Ilana’s thoughts on partnership, being a successful stoner adult, Nazis, Diva Cups, and more. Hold on to your nuts cuz this hour proves how useless the patriarchy is. For Christ’s sake, The Planet Is Burning, and it’s time a short, queer, hairy New York Jew screams it in your face!" This is written to make you want to watch it.

In the midst of reading books about modern farming, the 6,000 year history of bread, and ancient grains, I found this just-published piece by farmer and scholar Victor Davis Hanson: Remembering the Farming Way.

"I then confront the decreasing power of the movement in order to demonstrate the need for increased theorizations of the reflexive capacities of institutionalized power structures to sustain oppositional education social movements." Yes. Of course.

You should definitely check out Atomickristin's sci-fi story Women in Fridges.

As it turns out, there may yet be some kind of personal cost for attempting to incite a social media mob into violence against a teenage boy you don't know, but decided to hate anyway because reasons.

One of the biggest problems with internet content is that the vast majority of sites don't pay their writers, and it shows in the lack of quality writing. It's hard to find decent writers, and harder to scrape up the cash to pay them. This piece is a shining example of the problem of free content: it's worth what you pay for.

If you're interested in understanding our current cultural insanity, the best primer available is Douglas Murray's The Madness of Crowds. Thoughtful, entertaining, and incisive.

More laws are dumb. More law enforcement is dumb. The only proper response to violence is overwhelming violence. End the assault. There's a rising anti-semitism problem in New York because Jews who act like victims are being victimized by predators. None of these attacks are random. Carry a weapon and practice deploying it under duress. Be alert and aware. I don't understand why the women Tiffany Harris attacked didn't flatten her face into the pavement, but once word gets around that the consequences of violence are grave, the violence will lessen.

When are you assholes going to understand that this stupidity doesn't work any longer? Nobody gives much of a damn if you think we're sexist because we don't want to see a movie you think we should see. It only makes us dislike you that much more, and you started out being an unlikable asshole. Find a new way to shame normal people.

The movie Terms of Endearment still holds up more than 35 years later, and if you're looking for a tearjerker, this is your jam. One element that didn't get a lot of mention is, at the end, when Flap, with a shrug, decides that his mother-in-law will become the mother of his children once Emma dies. He abandons them, and nothing is made of it. This always troubled me.

You need to read this story the next time you feel the urge to complain. And if you need a shot of admiration for another family's courage, check this out.

Progressive political activist and children's author J.K. Rowling finds herself on the wrong side of a mob she helped to create. The Woke Sandwich she's been trying to force-feed others since she earned enough f-you money doesn't taste as good as it looks when she's obliged to take a bite.

I need you to check out The Kohen Chronicles and pray for this family. Their 5-year-old son has cancer.

Currently, the movie Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker stands at 55% at Rotten Tomatoes. Don't forget that these are the same reviewers who not only adored the absolutely execrable The Last Jedi, but insisted that you were a MAGA hat-wearing incel white supremacist manbaby for not loving The Last Jedi. So either The Rise of Skywalker is an objectively bad film, or it simply wasn't woke enough to earn plaudits from our movie-reviewing moral and intellectual betters.

It's easy to hate the older pop bands like Genesis for their popularity, but they were capable of genius, and it shows in No Son of Mine.

If you want to know which identity group has more clout, read this story of the Zola ads on the Hallmark Channel.

Rest in peace, René Auberjonois. I remember you from Benson as a kid. As an adult, I remember you as Janos Audron in the Legacy of Kain video game series. You made every role you were in a classic.

Elf on a Shelf Follies, Part 2:
8-year-old: I wrote the elf a note! I hope he writes back.
Me: What did you write?
8yo: I asked if he has any friends.
Me: What if he says it's none of your business?
8yo: *eyes grow dark and glittering* Then I'll...touch him.
Me: Ah. Mutually assured destruction, then.

Elf on a Shelf Follies, Part 1: My 8-year-old got an Elf on the Shelf the other day. The book it came with tells a story in doggerel about this elf's purpose, which is to spy on the kid and report his doings to Santa Claus, who would then determine if the kid is worthy for Christmas presents this year. The book also said for the kid not to touch him, or the magic would fade, and for the family to give the elf a name. I wanted to name him Stasi. I was outvoted.

Actor Billy Dee Williams calls himself a man or a woman, depending on whim; his character Lando Calrissian is "pansexual," and his writer implies that he'd become intimate with anyone or anything, including, one presumes, a dog, a toaster, or a baby. J.J. Abrams is very concerned about LGBTQ representation in the Star Wars universe. This is Hollywood. This is Star Wars. This is what's important to the people in charge of your cinematic entertainment. Are you not entertained?

The funniest thing on the internet today is the number of people angry over an exercise bike commercial. Public outrage is always funny. Always.

One of the biggest mistakes the United States has ever made since WWII was recruiting for clandestine and federal law enforcement organizations at Ivy League schools. The best talent pools were/are available from local law enforcement and military veterans, with their maturity and, most importantly, field experience. We've been reaping the costs of these terrible decisions for decades, culminating in a hopelessly politicized, sub-competent FBI and CIA.

Watching Fauda seasons 1 and 2 again in preparation for season 3 to be broadcast, one hopes, in early 2020. Here's my back-of-the-matchbook review of season 2.

Every day I try to be grateful for what I have, even in the face of the petty frustrations and troubles that pockmark a day spent outside of one's living room, binge-watching Netflix. We live lives of ease in 21st century America, making it enormously difficult to do anything but take one's countless blessings for granted. Holidays like the just-passed Thanksgiving are helpful reminders. There's a reason why people call the attitude of a thankful heart practicing gratitude, not just feeling grateful. You have to practice it. You have to remind yourself of what you have. It's the work of a lifetime.

Held Back: A Recent Conversation.
8-year-old: Oh, and Jamie was there, too. He was in my first grade class two years ago.
Me: Wasn't he held back a year?
8yo: Yeah. It's because he kept going to the bathroom with the door open.
Me: No way!
8yo: And girls saw.
Me: That's not right. They're not going to hold a kid back a whole year over that.
8yo: Well, that's what he told me.
Me: Sounds fishy.
8yo: I believe him.
~fin~

It's right and good to push a raft of politically correct social justice policies on everything else under the sun, but when social justice invades Hollywood, that's just a bridge too far, says Terry Gilliam. Sorry, Terry: you helped make this sandwich. EAT IT.

Rob Henderson's piece on luxury beliefs will have you nodding your head over and over again...unless you subscribe to these luxury beliefs, in which case you'll get mad.

I've made the Saturday bread from Flour Water Salt Yeast so often that I've memorized the recipe. It never disappoints. Never. The same recipe works well for pizza, too.

Liberty doesn't mean the freedom to do anything you want. The true definition of liberty is the ability to choose the good. Anything less is libertinism.

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