David Dubrow

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Movie Review: Nightbreed – The Director’s Cut

December 8, 2014 by David Dubrow Leave a Comment

When I learned that Netflix released Nightbreed: The Director’s Cut for streaming, I couldn’t wait to see it.  It was one of my favorite movies in the early 90’s, and I was eager to see if it had the same magic and if the additional footage added anything other than minutes to the run time.

Overall, the film is still vital to the horror oeuvre, and overcomes its flaws…but just barely.  The Director’s Cut improves the film a little bit.

  • Special Effects: Uneven.  A few stop-motion pieces were salted in but should have been left out, and several of the Nightbreed monsters were somewhat redundant.  The glowing effects on Baphomet and during the transformation from person to monster should have never been included: they looked cheap.  Despite that, some of the ‘Breed were truly disturbing: the woman with half her face flensed to the muscle, the blobby-looking thing with its face by its crotch, some others.
  • Acting: Good.  David Cronenberg was very, very creepy as Decker, but pulled off a weird sort of mildness that worked for the character.  They didn’t do enough with Peloquin, who should have his own movie.  The stand-out was, of course, Hugh Ross as Narcisse.  Stole every scene he was in, and wrung the best out of some clumsy lines, making them his own.
  • Script: Inconsistent.  The humor worked in some places, and didn’t in others.  Decker interrogating the old man at the gas station was bizarre enough to be funny, but some of the laugh-lines delivered in Midian among the ‘Breed just came off as lame.  Shoehorning in jokes doesn’t work, even if they’re funny.  Narcisse was the only worthwhile comic relief in the movie.  Best lines: “I love a coward!” and “Run, while you’ve still got legs!”
  • Sets: Extraordinary.  Barker’s inimitable artistic style was prevalent throughout, and provided an aesthetic that worked perfectly for the subject matter: semi-primitive, visceral, stunning.  From the malformations of the ‘Breed to the cave paintings, it was extremely well done.
  • Pacing: Flat.  The film tried too hard to be epic, and unfortunately failed.  Even with the additonal footage, it wasn’t long enough to weave the film’s various antagonists into a coherent enemy or provide a feeling of grandiosity: first Decker was the bad guy, then Peloquin, then Eigermann, then the rednecks, then the priest.  I understand that the ‘Breed are beleaguered, but these elements didn’t coalesce.  The flashback scene with Babette and Lori was interesting, but clumsy.  The efforts made to portray the passage of time didn’t work: too many abrupt scene changes.  The ending of the Director’s Cut, with the additional footage, rounded it out better and laid the groundwork for an extension of the story which won’t likely ever come to print or celluloid.
  • Additional Footage: Necessary.  The additional footage improved the film overall, though a few scenes weren’t necessary.  The love scene in the underwear didn’t work.  The press conference was interesting.  The armory scene with the guy close to ejaculating in his trousers over shotguns and piano wire garrotes was funny, if a bit excessive.  The end, where Lori begs Boone to make her a ‘Breed and later forces the issue was very good, but we unfortunately didn’t get to see what sort of monster Lori would become as a walking dead Nightbreed.

It’s been stated many times by far more perspicacious media critics than I that Nightbreed is, at its heart, a metaphor for homosexuality.  Boone is forced back into the closet by Decker, his psychiatrist, but ends up running away to be with people who are also gay.  They have to live in a secret place, deep underground (once again, in the closet), or else they’d be killed.  They’re hounded by religious forces, (the priest) redneck gay-bashers, and a physician who wants to end their “curse” by killing them.  We learn that gays have been hounded for centuries by the church.  In the end, they have to hide until they can find a new haven where they can just be themselves.  Perhaps this worked in 1990, but in today’s culture, it’s a bit too overwrought.

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Filed Under: clive barker, horror movies, movie reviews, nightbreed

A Trio of Brief Horror Movie Reviews

November 26, 2014 by David Dubrow Leave a Comment

Yesterday I was struck down with norovirus.  Every terrible symptom that comes with this illness played havoc with my body in ways Tomás de Torquemada would learn from (and be disgusted by).  So, when wracked with agonies, what can you do except watch horror movies on Netflix?

These reviews have spoilers in them.

The first one I watched was Dead Snow.  It’s a testament to how desensitized I’ve become watching horror films that the unbelievable amounts of gore in it did not cause me to run to the bathroom, vomiting down my shirtfront.  I was doing that anyway.  Despite that it was subtitled, a lot of the dialogue worked.  There were some memorable moments: Erlend’s end, the one guy whose name I never learned sewing his spurting neck wound closed, rappelling with intestines, and Martin getting his peepee bitten by a nuthunting zombie after having sawed his own arm off to prevent infection.  If you like gory, foreign, funny zombie films with people named Vegard, Turgåer, and Erlend in them, this is the movie for you.  4 out of 5 stars.

After an attempt at a nap during a particularly bad wave of nausea, I turned on The Taking of Deborah Logan, mostly because it was the first movie recommended in the list and I felt too awful to think about picking something different.  Overall, it wasn’t bad, but it had little to recommend it.  The problem with this film and the one I watched after it was the same: the characters were mostly unlikable from the beginning to the end and I didn’t care what happened to them.  Except for the kid, because, well, it was a kid.  With cancer.  The creepy bit with Deborah Logan sort of opening her face near the end and swallowing the kid’s head was effective.  The old lady T-and-A was unusual.  I’m trying to find things to say about this movie, but can’t, which shows you how unmemorable it was.  It wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t good, either.  2 out of 5 stars.

Terrorphoria’s post on the movie You’re Next had intrigued me, so as I lay on the sofa, trying not to writhe in agony from muscle cramps and gut spasms, I put it on.  People who know about movies, especially horror movies, call it “mumblegore” and I don’t give enough of a damn to Google the term to find out what mumblegore is or what other films exist in the mumblegore oeuvre.  I assume it has nothing to do with Harry Potter.  In it, a bunch of people who are absolute putzes get attacked by men in animal masks.  One person has the wherewithal to fight back, and she does, killing all the bad guys because that’s just what women do in violent situations: they use their brawn, innate brutality, and hardcore fighting skills to defeat trained soldiers in hand-to-hand combat.  Yes, I know she spent time on a survivalist compound, whatever that means.  In any event, there were some funny moments to it, and some disturbing ones, but the filmmakers didn’t care enough about the viewers to put forth enough effort to make us care about what was happening.  It was just an exercise in brutality.  3 out of 5 stars.  One of those stars is because Barbara Crampton was in it.

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Filed Under: barbara crampton, dead snow, deborah logan, gore, horror, horror movies, movie reviews, movies, what the fuck is mumblegore, you're next, zombies

Two Mini Horror Reviews for Your Halloween Pleasure

October 31, 2014 by David Dubrow Leave a Comment

Happy Halloween!  From its pagan origins to its crass commercialism, it’s a great holiday for both kids and adults. Think of how strange it is: children dress up in costumes and go door-to-door demanding candy from strangers.  A kind of forced fellowship with one’s neighbors until November 1, when we can go back to politely ignoring each other. I love it.

Breadhead Friday’s canceled because of Halloween and the nasty cold I’ve gotten as a Samhain present from my little boy.  I’m at that apex state of the cold where my head’s full of stuff and everything tastes terrible and I feel like hell, but it’s Halloween, so I’ll eat a lot of chocolate, not taste it, and put up the last few decorations outside.  We’re going with a skull and skeletons theme this year.  
Yesterday, I felt too awful to write.  So for the first time in years, I sat, did nothing, and sucked on the glass teat all day.  It’s not an experience I want to repeat for a myriad of reasons, but I was at least entertained.  This is what I watched:
V/H/S
Like all horror anthology films, this one was a mixed bag.  It was entertaining for the most part, and had some particularly creepy moments.  The unifying plot (Tape 56) of getting some secret VHS tape from the old man was kind of silly, though.  It could have been done better.  The best segment was Amateur Night: nothing in it was terribly unexpected, but it was done well, and had some horrifying moments.  Second Honeymoon had two particularly disturbing moments that saved it from its pedestrian execution.  Tuesday the 17th tried to turn the typical slasher theme on its head and utterly failed: it was easily the weakest of the segments.  The Sick Thing That Happened to Emily When She Was Younger tried too hard to create a twist ending and ended up overcomplicating itself, but was pretty watchable.  10/31/98 was good: the characters were realistic, the situations were frightening.  Overall, V/H/S/ is worth a watch.
Hemlock Grove
I watched the first two episodes at my wife’s request so we could watch the rest together.  I quite like it.  There’re some story elements that have so far elevated it above standard vampire/werewolf tropes.  Lili Taylor isn’t annoying, but Famke Janssen’s English accent is.  I’m looking forward to the remaining episodes, once this rhinovirus lets me stay up past eight.
Have a fun Halloween!
Oh, I almost forgot.  Dreadedin Chronicles: The Nameless City is still free until tomorrow, so get it while supplies last. Free shipping!  Thrills don’t get cheaper than this.
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Filed Under: dreadedin, halloween, hemlock grove, horror, horror movies, movie reviews, the nameless city, vhs

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"It began to drizzle rain and he turned on the windshield wipers; they made a great clatter like two idiots clapping in church." --Flannery O'Connor, Wise Blood

"Squop chicken? I never get enough to eat when I eat squop chicken. I told you that when we sat down. You gotta give me that. I told you when we sat down, I said frankly I said this is not my idea of a meal, squop chicken. I'm a big eater." --John O'Hara, BUtterfield 8

I saw the 1977 cartoon The Hobbit as a little boy, and it kindled a love of heroic fantasy that has never left me. Orson Bean's passing is terrible news. Rest in peace.

Obviously, these young people have been poorly served by their parents, but the honest search for practical information should be lauded, not contemned.

You shouldn't look at or use Twitter, and this story is another perfect example. There's so much that's wrong here that it would take a battalion of clergy, philosophers, and psychologists to fully map it out, let alone treat the issue.

This is the advertising copy for Ilana Glazer's stand-up comedy special The Planet Is Burning: "Ilana Glazer‘s debut standup special is trés lol, and turns out - she one funny b. Check out Ilana’s thoughts on partnership, being a successful stoner adult, Nazis, Diva Cups, and more. Hold on to your nuts cuz this hour proves how useless the patriarchy is. For Christ’s sake, The Planet Is Burning, and it’s time a short, queer, hairy New York Jew screams it in your face!" This is written to make you want to watch it.

In the midst of reading books about modern farming, the 6,000 year history of bread, and ancient grains, I found this just-published piece by farmer and scholar Victor Davis Hanson: Remembering the Farming Way.

"I then confront the decreasing power of the movement in order to demonstrate the need for increased theorizations of the reflexive capacities of institutionalized power structures to sustain oppositional education social movements." Yes. Of course.

You should definitely check out Atomickristin's sci-fi story Women in Fridges.

As it turns out, there may yet be some kind of personal cost for attempting to incite a social media mob into violence against a teenage boy you don't know, but decided to hate anyway because reasons.

One of the biggest problems with internet content is that the vast majority of sites don't pay their writers, and it shows in the lack of quality writing. It's hard to find decent writers, and harder to scrape up the cash to pay them. This piece is a shining example of the problem of free content: it's worth what you pay for.

If you're interested in understanding our current cultural insanity, the best primer available is Douglas Murray's The Madness of Crowds. Thoughtful, entertaining, and incisive.

More laws are dumb. More law enforcement is dumb. The only proper response to violence is overwhelming violence. End the assault. There's a rising anti-semitism problem in New York because Jews who act like victims are being victimized by predators. None of these attacks are random. Carry a weapon and practice deploying it under duress. Be alert and aware. I don't understand why the women Tiffany Harris attacked didn't flatten her face into the pavement, but once word gets around that the consequences of violence are grave, the violence will lessen.

When are you assholes going to understand that this stupidity doesn't work any longer? Nobody gives much of a damn if you think we're sexist because we don't want to see a movie you think we should see. It only makes us dislike you that much more, and you started out being an unlikable asshole. Find a new way to shame normal people.

The movie Terms of Endearment still holds up more than 35 years later, and if you're looking for a tearjerker, this is your jam. One element that didn't get a lot of mention is, at the end, when Flap, with a shrug, decides that his mother-in-law will become the mother of his children once Emma dies. He abandons them, and nothing is made of it. This always troubled me.

You need to read this story the next time you feel the urge to complain. And if you need a shot of admiration for another family's courage, check this out.

Progressive political activist and children's author J.K. Rowling finds herself on the wrong side of a mob she helped to create. The Woke Sandwich she's been trying to force-feed others since she earned enough f-you money doesn't taste as good as it looks when she's obliged to take a bite.

I need you to check out The Kohen Chronicles and pray for this family. Their 5-year-old son has cancer.

Currently, the movie Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker stands at 55% at Rotten Tomatoes. Don't forget that these are the same reviewers who not only adored the absolutely execrable The Last Jedi, but insisted that you were a MAGA hat-wearing incel white supremacist manbaby for not loving The Last Jedi. So either The Rise of Skywalker is an objectively bad film, or it simply wasn't woke enough to earn plaudits from our movie-reviewing moral and intellectual betters.

It's easy to hate the older pop bands like Genesis for their popularity, but they were capable of genius, and it shows in No Son of Mine.

If you want to know which identity group has more clout, read this story of the Zola ads on the Hallmark Channel.

Rest in peace, René Auberjonois. I remember you from Benson as a kid. As an adult, I remember you as Janos Audron in the Legacy of Kain video game series. You made every role you were in a classic.

Elf on a Shelf Follies, Part 2:
8-year-old: I wrote the elf a note! I hope he writes back.
Me: What did you write?
8yo: I asked if he has any friends.
Me: What if he says it's none of your business?
8yo: *eyes grow dark and glittering* Then I'll...touch him.
Me: Ah. Mutually assured destruction, then.

Elf on a Shelf Follies, Part 1: My 8-year-old got an Elf on the Shelf the other day. The book it came with tells a story in doggerel about this elf's purpose, which is to spy on the kid and report his doings to Santa Claus, who would then determine if the kid is worthy for Christmas presents this year. The book also said for the kid not to touch him, or the magic would fade, and for the family to give the elf a name. I wanted to name him Stasi. I was outvoted.

Actor Billy Dee Williams calls himself a man or a woman, depending on whim; his character Lando Calrissian is "pansexual," and his writer implies that he'd become intimate with anyone or anything, including, one presumes, a dog, a toaster, or a baby. J.J. Abrams is very concerned about LGBTQ representation in the Star Wars universe. This is Hollywood. This is Star Wars. This is what's important to the people in charge of your cinematic entertainment. Are you not entertained?

The funniest thing on the internet today is the number of people angry over an exercise bike commercial. Public outrage is always funny. Always.

One of the biggest mistakes the United States has ever made since WWII was recruiting for clandestine and federal law enforcement organizations at Ivy League schools. The best talent pools were/are available from local law enforcement and military veterans, with their maturity and, most importantly, field experience. We've been reaping the costs of these terrible decisions for decades, culminating in a hopelessly politicized, sub-competent FBI and CIA.

Watching Fauda seasons 1 and 2 again in preparation for season 3 to be broadcast, one hopes, in early 2020. Here's my back-of-the-matchbook review of season 2.

Every day I try to be grateful for what I have, even in the face of the petty frustrations and troubles that pockmark a day spent outside of one's living room, binge-watching Netflix. We live lives of ease in 21st century America, making it enormously difficult to do anything but take one's countless blessings for granted. Holidays like the just-passed Thanksgiving are helpful reminders. There's a reason why people call the attitude of a thankful heart practicing gratitude, not just feeling grateful. You have to practice it. You have to remind yourself of what you have. It's the work of a lifetime.

Held Back: A Recent Conversation.
8-year-old: Oh, and Jamie was there, too. He was in my first grade class two years ago.
Me: Wasn't he held back a year?
8yo: Yeah. It's because he kept going to the bathroom with the door open.
Me: No way!
8yo: And girls saw.
Me: That's not right. They're not going to hold a kid back a whole year over that.
8yo: Well, that's what he told me.
Me: Sounds fishy.
8yo: I believe him.
~fin~

It's right and good to push a raft of politically correct social justice policies on everything else under the sun, but when social justice invades Hollywood, that's just a bridge too far, says Terry Gilliam. Sorry, Terry: you helped make this sandwich. EAT IT.

Rob Henderson's piece on luxury beliefs will have you nodding your head over and over again...unless you subscribe to these luxury beliefs, in which case you'll get mad.

I've made the Saturday bread from Flour Water Salt Yeast so often that I've memorized the recipe. It never disappoints. Never. The same recipe works well for pizza, too.

Liberty doesn't mean the freedom to do anything you want. The true definition of liberty is the ability to choose the good. Anything less is libertinism.

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