David Dubrow – Page 2

COVID-19 vs. a Zombie Apocalypse

March 11, 2020 by David Dubrow Leave a Comment

A disease pandemic like Coronavirus and an end-of-the-world scenario like a Zombie Apocalypse have a lot more in common than you might think. If you prepare for a zombie-caused civilizational collapse, you’ll also be in good shape to deal with COVID-19-afflicted neighbors coughing on your doorstep.

The good news is that the Coronavirus pandemic is, by all accounts, a temporary state of affairs. The elderly and people with preexisting respiratory ailments bear the majority of the risk from COVID-19. So while this pandemic bad for you if you’re old and/or having trouble breathing, the rest of us are more likely to survive infection if our attempts to prevent it fail. So take good care of Meemaw and Papaw, but remember: civilization will survive. This will burn itself out.

This is not the case with a viral Zombie Apocalypse, where the mortality rate is typically 100% for anyone exposed to the disease. In my book The Ultimate Guide to Surviving a Zombie Apocalypse I describe the three types of zombies: viral zombies, supernatural zombies, and voodoo zombies, and how one can not only defeat such creatures individually, but also handle an apocalypse scenario based on each type. For the purposes of this piece, we’ll compare the COVID-19 pandemic to a viral zombie attack, as the parallels are much closer.

If your intent is to cocoon, that is, to stay at home and ride the Coronavirus pandemic out, you have to prepare your home for an extended stay. That includes not just having enough food and water to last you at least a few weeks, but also stockpiling medical supplies like pain relievers/fever reducers, first aid products, and any prescription medications you might need. You’ll also want to bank a supply of hygiene products, including toilet paper, baby wipes (many uses for these other than wiping infant butts), and soap. If you’re concerned about looking like a wild-eyed prepper, don’t buy all your supplies at one place: spread out your purchases across several stores to draw less attention to yourself. One guy buying ten packs of Charmin and five cases of Dinty Moore beef stew at the local Safeway may seem suspicious, but the same guy buying a case here, a case there at a number of different stores doesn’t raise an eyebrow. It’s not alarmist to stockpile food at any time, for any reason. Just be smart about it.

Putting plastic sheeting and duct tape over doors, windows, and vents isn’t a bad idea, necessarily, but it may be overkill for COVID-19, which is spread through coughing, sneezing, or touching something an infected person touched, then touching your face. So it’s not an airborne contagion outside of six feet. Unless your home is literally surrounded by coughing, snot-blowing Coronavirus carriers, you can leave the drop cloths and duct tape in the garage. For now.

However, you should always deny visual access to the interior of your home as a basic security measure, just like in a Zombie Apocalypse. So if you’re cocooning, keep your doors and windows covered.

Societally speaking, the worst-case scenario with Coronavirus is an illness-caused breakdown of basic services: electricity, water, or even emergency services like police and fire departments. Have extra water on hand: at least two weeks’ worth. If you’ve got a gas grill, buy an extra propane tank so you can cook outdoors before everything goes bad in the fridge. If you’ve got a generator, buy fuel for it today. Charge your electronic devices and acquire a solar or crank-powered radio so you can monitor the airwaves when you get bored of playing Monopoly, waiting for the internet to come back. Buy extra batteries for everything, too. Invest in a chemical toilet before the water goes out and the commodes stop flushing. Don’t pour buckets of precious drinking water down the toilet, trying to get rid of the morning’s gluey beef stew-and-Saltine shits.

This is all basic survival prep stuff, and don’t let your betters in the media tell you that it’s alarmist to prepare for disaster, or even just inconvenience. COVID-19 isn’t likely to make people start looting neighborhoods under the cover of darkness, but wouldn’t it be nice to prepare your home and family in case something like that does happen? Have you taken your God-given right to defense of your person and family seriously enough to arm yourself? If not, why not?

Nobody ever said that they wished they hadn’t prepared so well. For anything. Even a Zombie Apocalypse. It’s not too late to prep, even now. You’ll feel better after you do.

Oh, and wash your hands. A lot. And tell the people you love that you love them more often. Can’t hurt.

Soulbound Issue 2

March 5, 2020 by David Dubrow Leave a Comment

In April of 2019 I wrote about writer/illustrator Paula Richey’s successful Kickstarter campaign for her original comic Soulbound: Issue 1. A brief foray into magic and terror, it showcased great art and sharp writing.

Now it’s time for Issue 2.

Paula says:

This is issue two, Escape, in which we get to know the second hero of our story, Torrin. Captured by an insane sorceress who intends to transform him into a monstrous slave, his only hope is to escape before she can complete her spells. But when Becca lands in his prison, he must find a way to save them both.

Paula was kind enough to give me a preview of Issue 2, and it’s already a lot of fun. Things get a lot more dangerous in just a few pages for Becca and Torrin, and the sneak peek has only whetted my appetite for more.

The future of publishing is indie, and what’s both welcome and refreshing about Paula Richey’s work is that her only agenda is to entertain, which is why we read things like comics about magical realms. Even at my age.

Check out the Kickstarter page for Soulbound Issue 2, and kick in some money for a fun comic.

Bits and Pieces 2/28/2020

February 28, 2020 by David Dubrow Leave a Comment

Between recent illness and attendant insomnia, I’ve found a bit more time over the last few months to take in media. My sleep loss is your gain when it comes to media reviews, so let’s hit it.

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Memories of the Alhambra: I tried like hell to like this, but could only get through the first episode. It had some interesting ideas: a disappearing programmer, an immersive augmented reality game, the mingling of old-world Spain and modern technology. And yet it didn’t do it for me. Not sure why. Call it the one K-drama I didn’t like. I may try again in the future.

Save Me: I gave this a brief mention in my K-drama rundown on Hollywood in Toto, but it bears mentioning here. This is a very dark show, and goes places with the characters that I’ve never seen on other television programs. The plot involves a cult called The Mighty New Sky, and how it tries to take over a town in South Korea. It’s full of disturbing moments involving a nice family’s seduction and destruction, horrific betrayals, and bizarre rituals with a creepy cult leader. A bit too long, but full of unforgettable moments. The themes of friendship, familial love, and aging cynicism vs. youthful idealism really make this a show to watch.

Ultraviolet: A Polish crime show set in Lodz, focusing on a group of vigilantes solving both cold cases and new crimes using social media hacking, much to the chagrin of the local police department. The characters are likable, and there are some genuinely funny moments, but no surprises to speak of. The culprits tend to be rich industralists, Polish nationalists, and other such stock heavies. Still, it’s fun and fairly lighthearted. As good as any cop show you’ll see on American TV, though with similar social commentary.

Unit 42: A Belgian crime show, this one about a team of cops solving crimes that have a technological angle, like internet-connected pacemakers that explode and semi-autonomous vehicles chauffeuring corpses. A bit heavier than Ultraviolet, which gives it a more gripping style, but like Ultraviolet, there are no surprises. An alert viewer will figure out whodunit long before the cops do, which is a problem: the episodes often only make sense if you ignore the massive plot holes throughout. You will be entertained if you turn off your brain before watching.

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I also read books, on occasion.

Salt: A World History: The title says it all. It’s a history of salt and its effect on various cultures throughout the world. A dry subject, naturally, that edifies and occasionally entertains. I like how it destroys myths about salt and explains its value to civilizations both ancient and current. Author Mark Kurlansky has books on other foodstuffs, including Cod and Milk. And Paper, if you are inclined to eat it. For my part, I’m full.

A History of the World in Six Glasses: Author Tom Standage provides a sweeping history of six world-changing beverages: beer, wine, spirits, coffee, tea, and Coca-Cola in a book that’s far more than the sum of its drinks. Who knew how important coffee was to The Enlightenment? What was the first beer made of, and how important was it to early man? The parts on Coke are a little more anemic compared to the section on tea, for example, but that’s more due to Coca-Cola’s place on the world stage than a weakness of the text. A lot of fun to read. Think of it as a history book for people who hate history books.

American Pie: My Search for the Perfect Pizza: I’ve had a lifelong interest in baking bread, and when my wife got me a copy of Peter Reinhart’s book Artisan Breads Every Day more than ten years ago, it helped kick-start my bread making to the level I’d always wanted: artisan loaves with the big holes. While American Pie isn’t a new book, published in 2003, it’s nevertheless a terrific travelogue of Reinhart’s quest to find the best pizza in the world. What constitutes the perfect pizza and if he actually finds it will have to be read about in the text. Full of recipes for both dough and toppings, Reinhart promulgates the idea that the quality of any pizza starts with the crust: 80% of the grade, so to speak. So even a pizza with mediocre sauce can be saved by a great crust. Obviously, this is a cookbook in large part, so factor that into your buying decision. If you want to know how to make tasty pizza at home, from lean Neapolitan pies to the more substantial New Haven pizzas, this is the book you need. My only problem is the disappointing paucity of pictures. All that reading makes my lips hurt.

Attack from Planet B Movie Review: Mafia Women 2

February 19, 2020 by David Dubrow Leave a Comment

I wrapped up my three-fer of reviewing Patryk Vega movies with Mafia Women 2 at Attack from Planet B:

Olga Boladz, who played the protagonist from the first film, probably didn’t want to have her name attached to this monstrosity because her character was murdered, off-camera, in the first minute of Women of Mafia 2. Says rather a lot, doesn’t it. Other surviving characters from Mafia Women, however, do continue their stories here, even if they don’t intersect or affect each other. The overarching plot, such as it is, involves a drug deal between Nanny’s drug gang and a Colombian cartel that goes terribly wrong, and the fallout that results from it.

I really need you to click to read the whole review to make me feel better about watching this film. Please.

Movie Review Resurrection: Killbillies

February 14, 2020 by David Dubrow Leave a Comment

(When the much-missed horror site The Slaughtered Bird closed its doors some time ago, a number of my movie reviews fell into limbo. As some of the reviews are worth retrieving from that dark and empty place, I am posting my review of Killbillies here. I don’t hate all B-movies. Just the really bad ones.)

Killbillies is touted as the first horror film to come out of Slovenia, which makes it historical, after a fashion. I didn’t know where Slovenia was before I looked it up (I mean, I knew it was in Europe somewhere). To save you a Google search, just imagine a small, irregular splotch just to the right of the top of Italy’s boot, and there you are: Slovenia. Judging from the movie’s cinematography, Slovenia is a beautiful, wooded place with mountains and valleys and a nightmarishly dark urban center where you’re as likely to be served distilled cerebrospinal fluid in the dive bars as you are a refreshing Slovenian beer. (I don’t know if the latter exists, but I imagine it does.)

The title says it all, and that’s where this movie shines. It doesn’t pretend to be anything other than an homage to films like The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and Deliverance. The plot is admirably uncomplicated: a pair of beautiful models, their photographer, and a makeup artist go into the wilderness to take pictures; they meet up with some seriously inbred primitives; death and horror ensue. You don’t go to see a film like Killbillies for the existential angst.

If that isn’t enough reason for you to run, not walk to the nearest Killbillies-purveying establishment and put your fat fingers on a copy right away, here’s another: it’s a hell of a lot of fun to watch. The style of filming brings a freshness to the subject matter that goes beyond the expected blood, gore, and shrieks. Screenwriter Tomaz Gorkic makes us care about what happens to these poor victims, despite how unlikable most of them are, and once the real terror stops, it doesn’t let up until the closing scene.

The two heavies, Francl and Vintlr, are entertainingly vile. Vintlr is particularly disgusting, with his horrible teeth and drool and overall demeanor, while Francl’s facial deformity, with its peeling scabs and bloodshot eye, makes one want to turn away whenever he’s on screen. Putting Francl in lederhosen was an inspired choice, adding a soupcon of black humor to his lumpish, menacing figure.

Don’t expect boobs, because you won’t see any. You will see a lot of blood from a number of lens-splattering gore effects, which is great because the breathtaking outdoor scenes can only carry the film so far.

So what are you waiting for? Do you really want to pass up the opportunity to see the first Slovenian horror film? Francl’s waiting, after all, and his rusty old axe is pretty thirsty.

K-Drama Rundown at HiT

January 31, 2020 by David Dubrow Leave a Comment

I have a piece up at Hollywood in Toto, offering binge-worthy Korean television series as an alternative to Hollywood:

To misquote Mark Twain, “Everybody complains about Hollywood, but nobody does anything about it.” From the bloated, ossified franchises kept alive by Boomer and Gen-X nostalgia dollars (hello, Marvel/Star Wars) to woke studios that produce unwatchable tripe in service to progressive social engineering (hello, anything that’s won a televised award in the last ten years), Tinseltown, for many of us, is no longer a viable source of entertainment. And yet we, as Americans, have more leisure time than ever before, and we like to watch things on screens.

So what do we do about it? Where do we go?

Try South Korea.

Click to get the rundown on the best K-dramas available on Netflix!